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how the tables have turned

Posted by on May. 5, 2013 at 10:34 PM
  • 8 Replies

 sd is 13 and used to live with bm. bm and husband had a terrible nasty divorce where bm accused dh of needing anger management and being a drunk and some other lies. so anyway there custody agreement said that dh had to go to counseling and get a signed letter from a liscensed counselor saying that he was ok to see sd unsupervised.

well bm only made him do the supervised visits for a couple of months and knew that what she had said was wrong and started letting him see her unsupervised he would take her to dinner and the mall and mx races and such.

well dh and i got together 4 years ago and he moved into town. he used to live about 30 min away and i moved in with him. next thing we knew bm was letting dh have sd on his days off and to go camping with us and out of town with us it was nice. well of course they would get into arguments and the first thing out of bms mouth would be "you will never see daughter again" and legally there wasnt anything dh could do about it due to the CO.

so about a month ago bm gets into some very serious trouble and sd and her little sister were brought to our house by dfs (department of family services) we had an emergency court hearing where the judge decided to leave sd with us for the time being and mom can see her supervised and have supervised phone calls with her. well so far everytime we ask sd if she wants to call she immediately says no and there have been 2 visits that have come and gone that sd's sister has gone to but sd says no way

so you ladies think we should try to talk sd into talking with mom or let her do it in her own time?

 

by on May. 5, 2013 at 10:34 PM
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Replies (1-8):
MommySabs
by Gold Member on May. 5, 2013 at 10:50 PM
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At 13 I would say get her some help via a counselor to whom she can express er feelings and don't discourage her from taking the visits but I would have her work out within herself before actively encouraging them.
ramita
by Silver Member on May. 5, 2013 at 11:40 PM
Encourage the visits, but unless your DH is court ordered and not just advised I wouldn't make her see BM. Also, I definitely believe your SD needs custody. This will also help your DH in court especially if you get her a counselor who is willing to inform the court what he/she believes is in the best interest of SD.
kristen518-06
by Member on May. 6, 2013 at 10:00 AM

 well it is court ordered that bm is allowed to see sd supervised but so far sd has said she doesnt want to and dfs has said that we dont have to make her go if she doesnt want to. and my dh did hire an attorney and filed for custody bm was served last week and we havent heard a word from her since she got into trouble so we arent sure what her next move will be. whether or not shes going to fight it or just sign it

Quoting ramita:

Encourage the visits, but unless your DH is court ordered and not just advised I wouldn't make her see BM. Also, I definitely believe your SD needs custody. This will also help your DH in court especially if you get her a counselor who is willing to inform the court what he/she believes is in the best interest of SD.

 

mistyann00
by Member on May. 6, 2013 at 11:19 AM
1 mom liked this

I think you should promote her to want to go see her mother. But if she is cosistently saying no then let her do it on her own time. We all need to put ourselves in their situation. I would want my SM and BD to tell me to go see my mom but not hound me about it. She is still her mom. If it was us we wouldn't want our SM or SD to tell us we can't like or be around our BM OR BD. Lets be honest you know. I would promote it but don't push it! Pushing it would just make them mad but let them know that regardless to what happen, you all wont be mad and you all support her decision to go or not go see her BM. But remind her she is still her BM and she should go see and that if and when she is ready to go see her that you all will make it happen. She may just want to know you all will be ok with it if she goes, she don't want to disappoint either of her parents. So to know that you are in her corner in regards to seeing her BM she may be more apt to go. If she just will not go I would not push but let her know you will take her at any point she is ready.

amonkeymom
by Amy on May. 6, 2013 at 12:25 PM

I agree about encouraging her to see her mom, but don't push the issue if she feels she's not ready.  I also agree that she needs some counseling to help her deal with her emotions of whatever happened that brought her to your home in a more permanent capacity.

Birdseed
by Platinum Member on May. 6, 2013 at 12:42 PM

She's 13.  If she really doesn't even want to speak to her mother, I don't think I'd push too much.  I would encourage going the counseling route.  


momof2cuteboys
by Silver Member on May. 6, 2013 at 7:26 PM

I always put myself into the other parents shoes... If it were me would I want my ex to promote a relationship with me.  If I do then I make it happen for them.  Without knowing what really happened I can't comment any further.

lnr187
by on May. 7, 2013 at 9:28 AM

i would definitely get her into counseling. i would give her the option to go, but if she doesn't want to, then i wouldn't force it.

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