Yes, I will admit, I am totally having a pity party. For those that don't know, BM moved about 1/4 mile from or house after living out of state for the past 6 years. For 5 of those years DH had custody of all 3 of his kids, and then last year BM had OSD and we had the younger two. Anyway, now that she is here the arrangement is almost 50/50 but BM is still primary for OSD and we are primary for SD11 and SS9. Well, things have been pretty good with BM since she got here about 2 weeks ago but the kids are acting exactly how I feared they would. OSD is always wanting to come stay over with DH and I but is still respectful to BM but SD11 and SS9 make it abundantly clear that they prefer BM and despise being at our house. I have actually begun to dread them coming home from BM's (she watches them after school) everyday because I am sure to hear some comment about it. Now, for a little perspective, I have always been close to SS and he really wasn't very close to his mom for many years. So even though I know it's good and normal for him to bond with his mom it still hurts to see him pushing us away. SD11 has always yearned for a closer relationship with BM, and she definitely idolizes her, but she also had a pretty tight bond with her Dad and she has always liked me and talked to me about everything. I knew there would be a change, and honestly I kind of expected something like this to happen, but its still hard to go through it. DH recognizes it to an extent but he is more oblivious to the off-handed comments they make and when he does realize it he just gets irritated which makes the kids even more upset. Today was not too bad but SS made one little remark about how OSD wanted to be with us (DH and I) all the time but that it was the opposite for him (meaning he wanted to be with BM all the time). I can't deny it stings to hear stuff like that even though I try hard not to take it personal. I almost began regretting getting close to them over the years so I wouldn't have to go through this feeling of rejection, and it hurts even more when their animosity is directed at DH. I do still think that in time it will get better, but I am also kind of protecting myself by putting up a wall. Has anyone else gone through a similar situation? I feel like DH and I are being punished for being the stable, consistent parents while BM is being rewarded for not being around for years.
on May. 7, 2013 at 1:09 AM