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Going to have to spend time with the BM today.

Posted by on May. 8, 2013 at 10:14 AM
  • 22 Replies
So, I'm going to be working the snack bar for my step sons baseball team today with his BM. Her and I aren't on the best of terms. Any advise?
by on May. 8, 2013 at 10:14 AM
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Replies (1-10):
pdxmum
by Platinum Member on May. 8, 2013 at 10:23 AM
3 moms liked this

Avoid it in the future?  How did it happen that you have to work together?

consider that she might be as uncomfortable as you?

baparrot2
by Platinum Member on May. 8, 2013 at 10:24 AM
5 moms liked this

Develop a cough?

Why are you guys signed up on the same night?

WifeyC
by Platinum Member on May. 8, 2013 at 10:25 AM
2 moms liked this

Besides the above questions. Smile and say hi and go about your business.

Anonymous
by Anonymous on May. 8, 2013 at 10:25 AM
3 moms liked this
Smile, be upbeat, friendly, don't fall into the quiet, miserable, bitter second wife thing.... Be above it.
Frustrated10
by Bronze Member on May. 8, 2013 at 10:32 AM

Surely you can handle this, after all you are an adult. What's the big deal. Rise above it.

pdxmum
by Platinum Member on May. 8, 2013 at 10:33 AM


Why go anon with that reply?  It is a really excellent perspective not talked about much.  That a new wife in essence pouts.

Quoting Anonymous:

Smile, be upbeat, friendly, don't fall into the quiet, miserable, bitter second wife thing.... Be above it.



Wallacekidsmom
by on May. 8, 2013 at 10:34 AM
She approached us about it at the beginning of the season. I offered to do one shift for the snack bar, so my husband didn't have to miss any games. I didn't realize she was going to sign us up for the same day. Weird!
Derdriu
by Gold Member on May. 8, 2013 at 10:44 AM
2 moms liked this

Treat it as though you were working with anyone else.  Be friendly, and act as if there's no history.  You can make it through one night.  I'd avoid discussing your SS, however.  If she talks about him, you can easily handle the conversation as though you were talking to a friend or neighbor discussing their kid.  You don't have to add SM input. 

kmur
by Bronze Member on May. 8, 2013 at 10:48 AM
1 mom liked this

 

maybe you 2 can get on better terms ( or maybe not )....everything happens for a reason is my belief

Quoting Wallacekidsmom:

She approached us about it at the beginning of the season. I offered to do one shift for the snack bar, so my husband didn't have to miss any games. I didn't realize she was going to sign us up for the same day. Weird!

 

 

ChelseNichole
by Chelse on May. 8, 2013 at 10:56 AM
1 mom liked this


It's always awkward for me lol. But my SS5 is the one who makes it that way. At his Prek Grad last year...after they sang and such...they got to come sit with the parents during the picture slide show. In attendance were SO, myself, his aunt, his BM, Gmom, and Nana. He comes right over everyone hugs him and he plops his little tush right on my lap...when his BM is sitting two seats down from me. Nana was crying cuz it was graduation day lol...so his Mom kept saying " Nana is crying you should go give her a hug, shes sad" etc. whcih i suspected was to just get him off my lap. He hugs Nana and comes right back to sit on my lap.

2 weeks ago we attended a Literacy Night at his school. So we could look at all the progress fromt he begiining of the year until now. So he was suppose to show us stuff in his folder. I was on on side of him...his BM on the other and SO was kind of behind him...cornered between him and I....every paper he took out of his folder he turned to SO and I to show and talk about...every signle one. He had a million stories and pictures about his Dad. Then they read with the teacher, came back and read to us, and he gets up to get a drink and comes back and sits on my lap and starts talking to me about who knows what now..and his BM is sitting literally directly across from me.

I never tell him or prompt him to do this. He is at his own free will. and sometimes i feel weird or bad because i know if i was her i would be so hurt or sad or something if my kid chose to sit on SM's lap instead of mine. At the same time though, I feel like if she was showing him the attention he needs and doing what she is suppose to be doing then he wouldnt be "choosing" my lap over hers. I never try to one up her, or  out do her. I am just myself. But i give him attention, play with him, read to him, cook him real food, stay with him until he falls asleep (his request), get up with him in the middle of the night, etc. They say kids know and realize more than we think...maybe that's true.

Although it's somewhat awkward for me, because of th above stuff, I am just cordial and friendly. We are not really on bad terms, we text regarding the kids or talk and pick ups and drop off's etc if its about to kids and sometime it goes into small talk, but that's really it. I would have a little more respect for her if she was putting her kids first, but she puts her fiance ahead of everyone which is why she basically has little to no contact with her family. So and I are always at her Mom's house and they spent Easter at ours. etc. In my opinion the kids should always be top priority. and so Im just polite and cordial and that's it.

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