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Who do you talk to?

Posted by on May. 8, 2013 at 8:16 PM
  • 11 Replies

Let's say you don't have the best co-parenting relationship with your Ex and your child starts to call your Ex's spouse 'Mom'. You feel strongly against it, would you have a conversation with your child requesting that the behaviour stop or is this something to discuss with the Ex? For Moms, if your kid starts calling SF, 'Dad', should BD talk to you about stopping the behaviour or just discuss with his child?

Assume child is older than 10 years old. 

At what age do you hold children responsible for this type of behaviour?

Wife, Mother and Career Woman living in Jamaica

by on May. 8, 2013 at 8:16 PM
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Replies (1-10):
sarawags
by on May. 8, 2013 at 8:18 PM

I think I'd like for my ex to bring up with me - the less of putting the kids in the middle the better - 

twinklebites
by Silver Member on May. 8, 2013 at 8:21 PM

Both if the child is over ten then you can go into more detail of how it effects you, if the relationship isn't hostile I would talk/ text/email BF about how I felt and wished it to stop I would also let him know that I had talked to child about it.

DD has called SO Daddy quiet a few times she is always corrected BF said it didn't bother him if the kids chose to call him Daddy, but it bother the hell out of me, I don't know I just lie everyone to know their "place" (lack of a better term) in each others lives. 

Tigress22304
by Ruby Member on May. 8, 2013 at 8:21 PM

ok let's say hell froze over and my ex actually gave a damn about our daughter....if he was still married to his ex wife (lovely woman btw) and Princess was calling her mom-then I'd have a talk with SM.

She was a reasonable woman-we've discussed many parenting issues before.

My ex is incapable of handling such a discussion.

Would I hold the child responsible? In my situation with Princess being autistic-I'd lean more to ex and Sm maybe coaching her more then anything.

my daughter relates ppl to names not titles.

the only ones she relates with titles (mom/dad) are me/dh and the stepchildre/our parents/siblings.

That's it-anyone outside of that scope gets called their first name

leegirl_jm
by Ruby Member on May. 8, 2013 at 8:23 PM

But why can't the parent talk to their child? What can a parent discuss with their child and not have to talk to their other parent?

I would understand if after talking to the child the parent realizes that this is something not entirely the child's doing, then the other parent may have to be spoken to.

AmericanDream
by Gold Member on May. 8, 2013 at 8:27 PM

 I think a parent very well can talk to their child about this.  As long as they are being sane and rational when they have the conversation and let the child state their point of view without getting angry... then why not?

amantonacci
by Gold Member on May. 8, 2013 at 8:52 PM

I think if they're over 10 I would talk to the kid and let them fix it.

pdxmum
by Ruby Member on May. 8, 2013 at 9:08 PM
1 mom liked this


The problem here is that there is now something unresolved between parents.  It has the potential to put the child in the middle.  I would err on the side of filling in BF that I spoke with DD about asking her not to call SM mom.  I wouldn't ask him to do anything, because it is between me and DD.  but he should know that I wish to change something in his home.

Quoting leegirl_jm:

But why can't the parent talk to their child? What can a parent discuss with their child and not have to talk to their other parent?

I would understand if after talking to the child the parent realizes that this is something not entirely the child's doing, then the other parent may have to be spoken to.



DDDaysh
by on May. 8, 2013 at 9:15 PM
1 mom liked this

In the unlikely even that this were to happen...  

Well, even then, I guess I can't really answer this question.  As long as DS wasn't being pressured into it, I just don't feel strongly about the situation.  I know it matters to some people, but I'm not terribly hung up on the "Mom" word.  

hotmama83227
by on May. 8, 2013 at 9:18 PM

um, well my dd had brought up calling dh's new fiance "mom" when they get married....i was crushed to say the least, and while holding back tears i said "why?" and she said she was worried about her little half sister (her dad's new baby) getting confused. i Said she wouldn't be...and kinda dropped it, she hasn't called her mom, yet anyway

progressandjoy
by Silver Member on May. 8, 2013 at 10:23 PM
3 moms liked this

This is what happened in our situation. I wouldn't advise that anyone else do the same thing I did.

 

BM called DH days before her wedding to SF (who she left DH for) and told him that she wanted SS to call SF dad. DH said abso-fucking-lutely not. That issue seemed to go away, until earlier this year. SS started calling DH by his first name and referring to SF as dad. DH tried to talk about it with BM, but she blew him off. One morning when I was taking SS to school, he told me that his mom told him he had to call SF dad and call DH by his first name (he offered this information on his own, I didn’t question him about it).

 

The next day, I had a volunteer meeting at his school. BM showed up. Before the meeting started, she said – “This is so funny. SS has started calling [DH] by his first name. I thought it was so cute.” Before I could even think about how to respond I said, “Yeah – he does it with your name too. We keep reminding him that you’re mom.” She stopped laughing and soon after, SS stopped calling SF dad.

 

Now – I DEFINITELY WOULD NOT recommend SM addressing this issue with BM. I honestly can’t believe I said what I said. I wholeheartedly believe that the biological parents should be the one addressing the issue.

  

❝ I found it is the small everyday
deeds of ordinary folk that keep
the darkness at bay. Small acts
of kindness and love. ❞

― J.R.R. Tolkien, The Hobbit
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