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I feel horrible!

Posted by on May. 11, 2013 at 12:28 AM
  • 34 Replies
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I am just so fed up with all the bs. It makes me want to just scream. I am so sick of every little thing that SS says his mom has to call/txt and make my husband feel bad. If I say something then I become the bad guy & we fight about it. Any advice? Last time he said I was mean because it was nice outside & I told him AND both of my bio sons to go outside and play. I didnt let them sit in front of TV so I am mean and he doesnt want to come home when he has too. I get the fact that if a kid has the choice of a house with rules to follow and one where they can sit in front of TV 24/7 and go to bed when they please and eat nothing but junk food they are gonna stay at the "fun" house. But when I say this my husband thinks I am just blowing SS off. The kids 9 & to smart he can manipulate both of them & they fall for it everytime. Maybe I just understand that a bit better bc I have a 14 & 11 year old andhave dealt with it before but I am sick of being made out as this horrible person for making a child eat real food, take showers, do his homework, and go to bed at bed time!!!!!!!!!!!! Any advice?? I am just so confused am I a bad person or am I just a normal parent that wants best for child!!

by on May. 11, 2013 at 12:28 AM
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Replies (1-10):
annabl1970
by Gold Member on May. 11, 2013 at 12:36 AM

You are a good parent. Now please parent your own kids. It will save you a lot of headache. Believe me.

Your SS has his own parents, who are responsible for "making a him eat real food, take showers, do his homework, and go to bed at bed time"

tiredofthefight
by on May. 11, 2013 at 12:41 AM

How do I do that & not neglect him? We have 50/50 custody and we own a construction company that my husband runs & I am stay at home mom.... I am the one thats here 90% of the time that the kids are home. I feel like I am between a rock and a bigger rock... 

tiredofthefight
by on May. 11, 2013 at 12:44 AM

I have been the main "mom" in picture for almost 7 years. Bio mom has played mom of the year for last year and a half since we took her to court. And that part kills me because util then he would fight NOT to go with her.

kmur
by Bronze Member on May. 11, 2013 at 12:44 AM

your a good paren, i hv a ss13 who is the same plus smh...but i learned that i needed to somewhat disengage , because if i didnt, 1 of 2 things were going to happen 1) i was going to end up killing him (not really, but you know what i mean) or 2) i was going to drive myself nuts....so i disengaged somewhat....his bm sucks %100 and also lets him do what he wants, why? cuz its easier for her.

we have 4 kids here, and we have rules and all 4 kids need to follow them and if 1 of them chooses not to, there will be a consequence, my SO tells ss that he may not hv rules at his mommas house but we DO hv rules here and will follow them or hv the consequence sooooo.....my advice is to try and disengage somewhat

kmur
by Bronze Member on May. 11, 2013 at 12:47 AM

 

does he know the rules to your house? does he know there will be consequences if he breaks the rules? if he does then without yelling, let him know that he broke a rule and x is the consequence, or you can just wait till ur dh gets home and let him deal with it...i too am with the skids more than bm and SO....i know how it feels

Quoting tiredofthefight:

How do I do that & not neglect him? We have 50/50 custody and we own a construction company that my husband runs & I am stay at home mom.... I am the one thats here 90% of the time that the kids are home. I feel like I am between a rock and a bigger rock... 


 

kmur
by Bronze Member on May. 11, 2013 at 12:50 AM
1 mom liked this

 

well, that right there is why he is misbehaving.....he finally has HIS mom back, every kid wants their mom, yes, they may treat you well and even love you but in reality, every kid wants their mom to be in their life.....he has her now, and she is the fun mom, so of course he will  try you guys at your home...dont let him, stay consistent(easier said than done i know) let him know that you both love him but will not put up with his bad behavior

Quoting tiredofthefight:

I have been the main "mom" in picture for almost 7 years. Bio mom has played mom of the year for last year and a half since we took her to court. And that part kills me because util then he would fight NOT to go with her.


 

ramita
by Silver Member on May. 11, 2013 at 12:53 AM
3 moms liked this
Time to tell your DH that if your such a scrappy SM to his son then he needs to handle him. He needs to find someone else to watch him and if he can't then he goes back to his mom's. Your DH needs to have your back if he can't/won't then you shouldn't have to deal with your SS. Disengage and make your DH step up so your not the bad guy.
tiredofthefight
by on May. 11, 2013 at 12:57 AM

Thats EXACTLY what I told hubby but it amazes me how bad bm can make him feel. I really want to ask if he has forgotten how during her time with SS she once dropped him off with me so she could grocery shop and came back 6 weeks later....She has this new baby and husband and seems to foget that she basically abanded her son for almost 6 years. I think that maybe disengaging will help him see my side of all this but I am afraid that it will not be fair to my 2 sons. (Like the dessert thing--I mean if they dont eat no dessert but rules not same for him is just being mean to them). Any idea how to keep them from getting the short end of stick???

HighRoadToPnH
by Member on May. 11, 2013 at 12:57 AM
Is your DH on the same page with you about these rules? He should play a role in being the bad guy too and help lay down the law, give discipline and enforce when he gets home type thing.

tiredofthefight
by on May. 11, 2013 at 1:02 AM
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Yes for the most part he is. And I say it that way bc when SS pulls the "I want my mom & dont want to be here" crap it makes DH feel bad. And I understand that it would make me feel bad too. He has always had my back till now when BM has him feeling like his son hates him personally bc of all this. She is a liar & manipulator & he knows it but his brain seems to shut down when she gets on her ants lately.

Quoting HighRoadToPnH:

Is your DH on the same page with you about these rules? He should play a role in being the bad guy too and help lay down the law, give discipline and enforce when he gets home type thing.


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