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ugh baby mama drama!

Posted by on May. 11, 2013 at 3:03 PM
  • 72 Replies
First off let me just say that I in no way shape or form consider myself to be my SD " mother" however I do know for a fact that I take on more motherly roles than BM does. It has become routine for BM to text and ask my DH or I to come and pick my SD up early or take extra days because she wants to go out with friends. I understand friend time is needed sometimes but when BM only has 3 days a week of visitation anyways she should be able to get her friend time taken care of in the 4 days in which she doesn't have her child. Just my opinion and I'm sure I'll have some haters. What has also become routine is for my DH to pick my SD up on these days between 6 or 7 at night and SD not eaten anything at all because "mommy didn't feel like making me anything to eat today" . me being angry over SD not being fed properly is not a matter of opinion its just plain wrong. Not bathing also is a common ocurance but hey who is keeping track.
We have a meeting with out attorney next week but at this point I'm boiling mad and need to vent.
And also was wandering if anyone else had dealt with issues like this and what ended up being the results. It seems the general consensus at this point is that there is really no way to prove any of it and that we are SOL.
Someone save me!
by on May. 11, 2013 at 3:03 PM
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Replies (1-10):
sandeeyo
by Le Bonjour Chat on May. 11, 2013 at 3:10 PM

Yes.  My skid's BM lets them go without bathing regularly.  Since we have the girls pretty much every other day, they don't go without bathing for more than a day. If they stink at school, oh well. They're old enough to bathe themselvea.  We also do the majority of feeding the girls.

BUT, Unless BM is not feeding the kid at all, then you have a problem.  If the kid isn't being fed because BM doesn't feel like it and she's going to be with her dad anyway, it's not abuse.  BM is just being lazy.

Same goes for the bathing.  It's not against the law to be stinky, just offensive.

Pick your battles.  If it's just about SD not getting fed once in awhile or not bathed regularly, you'll only serve to piss BM off.

AmericanDream
by Gold Member on May. 11, 2013 at 3:12 PM

 I'd consider changing your title if you want people to take you seriously.

I cannot give you any advice on what to do about BM because you've already said that your DH has an appointment with a lawyer.  I'd say, just wait and see what he says.  Also, try to let go of some of the anger. It's not healthy.

packermomof2
by on May. 11, 2013 at 3:13 PM

She isn't a baby mama unless you're just a bed warmer. 

I dealt with it.  I'm the mother who put up with crappy behavior on the part of dad and his wife.  You're not more of a mom because dad has his kid 4 days a week.  You're his wife, the SM. 

I'm not saying she's right, I'm saying that because she doesn't or does do something doesn't make you more of a mom.

kbbb2012
by on May. 11, 2013 at 3:14 PM
BM is supposed to have SD Friday through Monday. There are 5 instances that we are 100% certain of that she has not fed SD until dinner because she didn't feel like it and one other instance where SD was fed a piece of bread as a meal for the whole day. Not a piece at each meal but a single piece for the entire day.
kbbb2012
by on May. 11, 2013 at 3:19 PM
3 moms liked this
I never said I was more of a mom I said I took on more motherly duties. And am I wrong in saying she's a baby mama. She is the mother of the child therefore she is a baby mama is she not? I know my place as a step mother and that place is to take care of SD the same that I would take care of any other kid. I don't claim to be her mother and I don't try to take BM place but I also will not let a child, any child, be it my SD or iany other kid for that matter be neglected. I apologize if making sure that my SD is well taken care of offends anyone.
sandeeyo
by Le Bonjour Chat on May. 11, 2013 at 3:28 PM

Would you refer to your DH as SD's "baby daddy"?  Because, he is the "baby daddy".


Quoting kbbb2012:

I never said I was more of a mom I said I took on more motherly duties. And am I wrong in saying she's a baby mama. She is the mother of the child therefore she is a baby mama is she not? I know my place as a step mother and that place is to take care of SD the same that I would take care of any other kid. I don't claim to be her mother and I don't try to take BM place but I also will not let a child, any child, be it my SD or iany other kid for that matter be neglected. I apologize if making sure that my SD is well taken care of offends anyone.



kbbb2012
by on May. 11, 2013 at 3:31 PM
Here is a question for everyone ...why does it mater what I call her? I have stated on multiple occasions during this post that I know that she is my SD mother and that I don't replace her. And yes my husband is technically her baby daddy does that appease everyone?
tiredofthefight
by on May. 11, 2013 at 3:35 PM

WOW been there and done that!! BM once dropped my SS off with me so she could go grocery shopping and came back 6 weeks later!! Its rough and be prepared to be the evil person who is trying to rule the world. We dealt with this for years before we took her to court and she put on an act to pretend she cared we now have 50/50 custody. And honestly I wish we would have just left it alone bc now its worse. He lives with us for second half of school year and by then he is normally so far behind I have to work him to death to catch up. He is with us on weekends during first half and she will tell teachers not to send stuff home on Fridays bc we dont care. They get to see the truth after christmas break but by then its a scramble to catch up. In summer we have him two weeks then she gets him two weeks....THIS SUCKS!! Because by the time he comes back anything we have worked with him on is GONE. He is 9 and goes to the bathroom in his pants at her house because she has told him that its ok if he is watching TV and doesnt want yto get up & go then its an accident and that happens. So when he gets back here he will have accidents but on some level he knows its wrong bc he hides the underwear!!!! She fed him pizza rolls for 3 straight days bc thats what he wanted nothing else!!! This was after his dr put him on a strict diet bc he was basically mal nourished from being fed crap!! When we went to court none of what had happened in past was allowed in evidence bc she had not physically laid her hands on him in a abusive way!!! I was pissed but yep I was SOL. Sorry probably not what you want to hear but just know you are not alone!!

CFSTBSM27
by on May. 11, 2013 at 3:38 PM
Hmmm sounds ugly sorry. I can say BM doesn't do a lot common sense like making SD brush her teeth (they look yellower everytime I see hell what 9 yr has lost over 4 permanent teeth already!) She never cooks SD is always hungry or eats fast food but just because I check her teeth at night and make healthy homecook meals doesn't mean I'm "doing more" to be it's just coming sense. But to your point there's a lot of times BM will ditch SD on whoever or changed schedules to fit HER social life so that I agree is very annoying too ugh. And honestly I refer to her as baby mama all the time unless in front of SD. To me that's all she, she's nothing special in my eyes
tiredofthefight
by on May. 11, 2013 at 3:39 PM
1 mom liked this

Are you a SM or just come here to bash them?

Quoting packermomof2:

She isn't a baby mama unless you're just a bed warmer. 

I dealt with it.  I'm the mother who put up with crappy behavior on the part of dad and his wife.  You're not more of a mom because dad has his kid 4 days a week.  You're his wife, the SM. 

I'm not saying she's right, I'm saying that because she doesn't or does do something doesn't make you more of a mom.


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