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All I got was a txt for Mother's Day...really!

Posted by on May. 12, 2013 at 10:53 PM
  • 38 Replies

So I have a stepdaughter whom I've helped raise for the past 9 yrs.  My husband and I have week on week off custody but it is more full time for me and it always has been.  As my step daughter has gotten older we have had our share of disagreements and fights.  My stepdaughter and her real mom really make me feel used.          : (.  For instance,  they are super sweet and informative when they need me or want something and then when they are done w/me the lack of communication and disrespect for me, my feeling, and time are totally disregarded.  Because my husband and I have a yours, mine, and ours family I feel obligated to put up with a lot since the rest of her siblings are carefully watching, listening, and learning from me.  My husband and I have a lot of disagreements when I express to him how his daughter and her mom make me feel.  He thinks I'm nagging him for the way they treat me and gets upset when I'm really just venting to him!  So today is Mother's Day and after all I have endured, sacrificed, forgiven, nurtured with him and his daughter and his x-girlfriend.  All I got from my stepdaughter today was a txt message saying "Happy Mother's Day".  I guess I just felt hurt and disappointed that she couldn't take 1min out of her day to call me and actually wish me Happy Mother's Day on the phone.  I even went to buy her real mom a cake and a card for her so she would see the goodness in my heart.  I don't know....maybe I just should expect anything from her? Its hard not to get hurt when everything is expected from me and given to her.

All I Wanted WAS A REAL PHONE CALL!  I didnt expect a Micheal Kors purse...lol...just a phone call!

 Is that too much to ask???!!!

by on May. 12, 2013 at 10:53 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Tinkerbellmama
by Platinum Member on May. 12, 2013 at 11:13 PM
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Honestly, I think a text was fine. I don't say this to offend, but it doesn't matter how involved you've been over the years, you are step-mom. My step-mom has been in my life for 20+ years and I didn't call or text or post anything to her facebook wall.

If you have a problem with how active you are in her life, take a step back. You don't HAVE to do all of those things. And if you DID do something out of the kindness of your heart, then why are you expecting something in return? Do something out of the kindness of your heart means NOT expecting something in return. 

MoPain
by Member on May. 12, 2013 at 11:14 PM
1 mom liked this

I sorry

sarawags
by on May. 12, 2013 at 11:19 PM
1 mom liked this

Oh, I didn't even get that!  (From skids - i was very spoiled by dh - mine and ours ;) But you know - that's more than okay - if they had contacted me while they are with their mom today - all heck would've broken loose - and we've all over her had enough of that from her - ;) 

MommySabs
by Gold Member on May. 12, 2013 at 11:20 PM
3 moms liked this
I think a text was appropriate. If you are feeling used I would reccomend reevaluating your involvement. You do have the power to dictate how you are treated. Bm and sd are taking advantage bc you are allowing them to. Don't go crazy bitch on them but evaluate and set some boundaries.
SassyCheerMom
by on May. 12, 2013 at 11:40 PM
1 mom liked this
  1. I don't have a problem with what I do for her bcuz I do it with love and always will.  I guess what I should have said is that I have loved her as my own and raised her to always be thoughtful to all her family members bcuz tomorrow is never promised.  You know the "Do unto others as you would have others do unto you" [Matthew 7:12].  So with that being clarified, I was more disappointed that she didn't call me so I could hear her voice.  Maybe I'm old school but that's my feeling about it texting on special occasions.  I am sorry that the stepmom you've have in your life for the past 20yrs was not important enough for you to call or even send a message to.  That makes me sad :( bcuz I can almost bet she has loved you and done things for you she didn't have to do these past 20yrs.  I hope one day, after YOU have loved someone for 20yrs, they don't forget about you or brag about not doing the right thing ;(.  
  2. WWJD...He wouldn't forget you ;)!  
SassyCheerMom
by on May. 12, 2013 at 11:43 PM

Thxs ;). I was just venting.  I don't go crazy on anyone...lol

MommySabs
by Gold Member on May. 12, 2013 at 11:44 PM
2 moms liked this
It was Mother's day, stepmothers day is next Sunday.
pdxmum
by Ruby Member on May. 12, 2013 at 11:47 PM
3 moms liked this

Wow so sorry.  You haven't figured out yet that you aren't her mom?  We can help if you stick around.

SassyCheerMom
by on May. 12, 2013 at 11:48 PM
1 mom liked this

Your right...I guess I just needed to vent.  I'm sorry what you have endured with you step kids mom.  I've had my share of years of hell with mine and I don't wish that on anyone.  Here: Happy Mother's Day and thank you for everything you dont have to do ;) (from your step kids who wanted to call you but couldn't ;) ) God Bless

Tinkerbellmama
by Platinum Member on May. 13, 2013 at 12:23 AM

She's been in my life for 24 years. But, I guess "in my life" is somewhat of a broad term. I've known her for 24 years. I saw her and my bio-father 6 times from the time I was 5 (when I first met him and he introduced me to her) until I was 18. In the nearly 12 years since then I've seen her 4 other times.

She's a very nice woman. We keep in contact via facebook where she can see pictures of my children. The few times she's seen them they've called her grandma. I don't have a strong relationship with her or my bio-father. While I'm sure she has kind feelings towards me, they are pretty much the same as mine for her. I love her as I would like a cousin, or a family friend. I actually like her much more than I like my bio-father. I haven't had any contact with him in over 18 months.

I don't not wish her a happy mother's day to be mean or inconsiderate of her. I simply don't think of her as a mother figure to me. I also do not wish my bio-father a happy father's day; I don't think of him as my father. While we share the same DNA, his choices over the last nearly 30 years (well, lets say 25 as I didn't meet him until I was 5 and I don't have many memories prior to the age of 5) haven't been worthy of a father-daughter relationship. Both he and I are OK with that. When I turned 22 we had quite the discussion about it where he agreed that he hadn't been a father to me and that he was glad that I had my dad (my step-father) in my life. That's probably the most honorable thing he's ever said or done for me.

I did spend Mother's day with my SD. She made me a small gift at school and helped DH and her siblings (my 3 bio-children) make me a beautiful painting. I helped her make a flower pot for her BM (she painted it and picked all of the flowers she planted in it).

I just think that we, as step-moms, need to understand that we can't expect our step-children to have the same love or relationship with us as they do their BMs. If SD were given the choice of where to be today, she would have most likely chosen her mom. Not to hurt me, but because that's her mother. The fact that your SD took time aside to wish you a Happy Mother's day should make you happy; it shouldn't make you feel as if it wasn't good enough because you deserve better based on all you do for her.

 


Quoting SassyCheerMom:

  1. I don't have a problem with what I do for her bcuz I do it with love and always will.  I guess what I should have said is that I have loved her as my own and raised her to always be thoughtful to all her family members bcuz tomorrow is never promised.  You know the "Do unto others as you would have others do unto you" [Matthew 7:12].  So with that being clarified, I was more disappointed that she didn't call me so I could hear her voice.  Maybe I'm old school but that's my feeling about it texting on special occasions.  I am sorry that the stepmom you've have in your life for the past 20yrs was not important enough for you to call or even send a message to.  That makes me sad :( bcuz I can almost bet she has loved you and done things for you she didn't have to do these past 20yrs.  I hope one day, after YOU have loved someone for 20yrs, they don't forget about you or brag about not doing the right thing ;(.  
  2. WWJD...He wouldn't forget you ;)!  



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