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Long term grudge

Posted by on May. 16, 2013 at 8:32 AM
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In another post, someone stated that BM could carry a lifelong grudge over a ~$25 CS reduction due to a subsequent child. Would you? What are some other things a CP or NCP does that would warrant such a reaction?
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by on May. 16, 2013 at 8:32 AM
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Replies (1-10):
gabrielsmommy04
by on May. 16, 2013 at 8:37 AM

my dh's ex carries a lifelong resentment that he divorced her even though she is remarried and they have been divorced for over 13 years. She didn't even love my dh she just loved his money.

baparrot2
by Platinum Member on May. 16, 2013 at 8:50 AM

I said it. I probably should have worded it better. Here is what I meant:

In trying to keep things at an amicable level for all parties, for the good of the child. We all try to not do things to ruffle the feathers of the other. Co-parenting falls apart when we do and competition soon ensues.

Now imagine being dragged into court because your ex wants a CS reduction because his wife is having a baby. You dont think thats going to send a very clear signal to BM that her child is not important?

While she may not hold a lifetime grudge over that particular incident, it could be the thing everyone can look back to as the thing that caused everything afterward to go south. i.e. not willing to work together anymore, co-parenting thrown out the window, battles, competition, PAS to name a few.

Is all that worth the 25 dollars?

Tpayne2011
by on May. 16, 2013 at 9:00 AM
Even though Bm was the other woman she holds a slew of grudges against me. DH and I sticking it out through all the cheating, her dd wanting to live with us and talking about how wonderful out house is and all the things we do with our sons. She hates me because ( I know it sounds stupid) I'm into being healthy and fit and I try to teach sd the same thing ( her weight was getting out of control). She has a grudge against DH because he always made it seem to the world that he was an awful dad and he was a deadbeat. Well deadbeats don't go to court for full custody do they? There are a to. Of things but that's all I can think of at the moment. Oh wait and when I was pregnant with my second son she posted on MySpace " here goes my baby father putting another thorn in my side. It's safe to say she doesn't like my kids either, especially my oldest, she would tell sd that they weren't siblings.
leegirl_jm
by Ruby Member on May. 16, 2013 at 9:01 AM
I think both sides need to examine if $25 is worth it, it is their mutual kid in the middle. My question though was to look at the things that cause these grudges like this. Another poster said the divorce itself.
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BioNerd
by on May. 16, 2013 at 9:01 AM
1 mom liked this

 Hell no I wouldn't. That is just downright ignorant bullshit.

The only thing that comes to mind is if the CP/NCP knowingly allowed a child to come to physical or mental harm, or initiated the harm themselves.

....ClvrScn.
by on May. 16, 2013 at 9:12 AM

I would not - but my husband and I are having a baby and there is no way we are going back to court for a CS modification.

Now, I will say this - DH and BM are due to go back to court in April 2014, for an adjustment. At that time, he will not withhold information regarding our baby. However, we're not asking for a reduction. We will pay what is ordered and if that's a lesser amount, then it's a lesser amount.

....ClvrScn.
by on May. 16, 2013 at 9:17 AM

Oh and to answer your question. BM resents our baby. She resents our marriage, and to take away from SD deliberatly could be detremental to the co parenting relationship..

ChelseNichole
by Chelse on May. 16, 2013 at 9:25 AM

It's not about the older children NOT being important. It's about a new baby being JUST as important as the first children are. In our situation BM doesn't use her CS for the kids anyway....So she would be angry if she's getting any less money for any reason because it would take away from the remodel of her kitchen, or the tattoos she gets. Also, she certified that she would continue to recieve that amount of CS she recieves to her mortgage company which is the only reason she got the loan. How she pulled that off, I'm not sure... but that's the reality of our situation. BM currently gets 1500 a month for the kids. That number is based on DH's income 3 years ago when he had worked over 800 hours of overtime. Since then he has consistently made $6000 less per year...and several months ago they cut overtime all together. The children are with us MORE than half the time (not formally of course because BM refuses to formally modify the CO) which is why they are in the middle of a parent time increase case now. Which really isnt even an increase, it's just him trying to get the time he's been spending with them for the past 6mos - 1yr in writing so he's not at her discretion all of the time.


I agree with you in that a miniscule amount of money is not worth all the drama thats sure to come with it.

Quoting baparrot2:

I said it. I probably should have worded it better. Here is what I meant:

In trying to keep things at an amicable level for all parties, for the good of the child. We all try to not do things to ruffle the feathers of the other. Co-parenting falls apart when we do and competition soon ensues.

Now imagine being dragged into court because your ex wants a CS reduction because his wife is having a baby. You dont think thats going to send a very clear signal to BM that her child is not important?

While she may not hold a lifetime grudge over that particular incident, it could be the thing everyone can look back to as the thing that caused everything afterward to go south. i.e. not willing to work together anymore, co-parenting thrown out the window, battles, competition, PAS to name a few.

Is all that worth the 25 dollars?


jlg12678
by Gold Member on May. 16, 2013 at 9:29 AM
4 moms liked this

If someone holds a grudge over losing $25 a month they have bigger issues than the child support reduction.

Physical/Mental/Emotional harm to either my child or my stepkids and yes, I will hold a grudge.

Si_si
by on May. 16, 2013 at 9:45 AM
2 moms liked this
I am a Scorpio - I give only so many chances to be trustworthy and a nice person.

If a person continues to show they can't or won't, I cut them off. I am not sure I hold a grudge really. I just don't see a purpose in reconciliation because this person is hurtful or toxic.

Lying. manipulation, twisting reality and false accusations are up there.
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