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Step kids and extracurriculars

Posted by on May. 18, 2013 at 2:46 PM
  • 37 Replies
We've had significant problems getting bm to take ss to extracurriculars on her time.

It's written in co that either parent can sign him up for something and the other parent has to take him if it falls on her time. But she has a problem getting him to things and it sucks to pay for the activity when he doesn't get to go on mom's weekends....

Has anyone had issues with this? How were you able to resolve the problem?
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by on May. 18, 2013 at 2:46 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Tinkerbellmama
by Platinum Member on May. 18, 2013 at 2:50 PM

Well, since it's in the CO then I think your only option is to file contempt of court and force her to do it, or to allow you or DH to pick up SS and take him, so long as you bring him back as soon as it's over.

Nature_girl
by Member on May. 18, 2013 at 2:52 PM

 I offered to take him and drop him back off with ex afterwards. But then that just became a "you are trying to take time away from me" - so it depends on how sane the person you are dealing with is.

dawnnamarie
by Silver Member on May. 18, 2013 at 2:54 PM
We always offer, but when we show up at the little league park on a Saturday morning and he's not there with no warning from bm, it's hard to take him =/

He missed 4 weeks of his 12 week music class because bm couldn't take him, too :(

We've never taken her for contempt of court. Do you have to wait a certain amount of time after the co is filed?? It's only been a few months since it became official.


Quoting Tinkerbellmama:

Well, since it's in the CO then I think your only option is to file contempt of court and force her to do it, or to allow you or DH to pick up SS and take him, so long as you bring him back as soon as it's over.

dawnnamarie
by Silver Member on May. 18, 2013 at 2:55 PM
Shes Very unstable. Sometimes she's cool with us picking him up and dropping him off, then all of a sudden she freaks out and says kind of the same thing-you're just trying to ruin my visitation- one week.

Quoting Nature_girl:

 I offered to take him and drop him back off with ex afterwards. But then that just became a "you are trying to take time away from me" - so it depends on how sane the person you are dealing with is.

Tinkerbellmama
by Platinum Member on May. 18, 2013 at 2:57 PM
2 moms liked this

As soon as the CO is signed  by a judge it's legally binding and you can file contempt of court the very next day.


Quoting dawnnamarie:

We always offer, but when we show up at the little league park on a Saturday morning and he's not there with no warning from bm, it's hard to take him =/

He missed 4 weeks of his 12 week music class because bm couldn't take him, too :(

We've never taken her for contempt of court. Do you have to wait a certain amount of time after the co is filed?? It's only been a few months since it became official.


Quoting Tinkerbellmama:

Well, since it's in the CO then I think your only option is to file contempt of court and force her to do it, or to allow you or DH to pick up SS and take him, so long as you bring him back as soon as it's over.



Nature_girl
by Member on May. 18, 2013 at 2:59 PM

 So it comes down to how big of a fight are you willing to have. I understand your POV and the wasting of $ and wanting skid in a EC for many many reasons. But sometimes, you just have to give the coach a heads up that during the other parents time they may or may not show up and please don't let them think poorly of the child or you when it is out of your control.

Quoting dawnnamarie:

Shes Very unstable. Sometimes she's cool with us picking him up and dropping him off, then all of a sudden she freaks out and says kind of the same thing-you're just trying to ruin my visitation- one week.

Quoting Nature_girl:

 I offered to take him and drop him back off with ex afterwards. But then that just became a "you are trying to take time away from me" - so it depends on how sane the person you are dealing with is.

 

dawnnamarie
by Silver Member on May. 18, 2013 at 3:13 PM
I hate going to court, but we may end up filing. =/
I think we'll make sure to look over the records and have a list of occurrences just to show its a reoccurring issue


Quoting Tinkerbellmama:

As soon as the CO is signed  by a judge it's legally binding and you can file contempt of court the very next day.



Quoting dawnnamarie:

We always offer, but when we show up at the little league park on a Saturday morning and he's not there with no warning from bm, it's hard to take him =/



He missed 4 weeks of his 12 week music class because bm couldn't take him, too :(



We've never taken her for contempt of court. Do you have to wait a certain amount of time after the co is filed?? It's only been a few months since it became official.





Quoting Tinkerbellmama:

Well, since it's in the CO then I think your only option is to file contempt of court and force her to do it, or to allow you or DH to pick up SS and take him, so long as you bring him back as soon as it's over.




dawnnamarie
by Silver Member on May. 18, 2013 at 3:41 PM
We've explained the situation to the coach at the beginning of the season, but I think you're right. It's something we need to make sure to give warning of.

I'm reading these responses to Dh as I read them lol


Quoting Nature_girl:

 So it comes down to how big of a fight are you willing to have. I understand your POV and the wasting of $ and wanting skid in a EC for many many reasons. But sometimes, you just have to give the coach a heads up that during the other parents time they may or may not show up and please don't let them think poorly of the child or you when it is out of your control.


Quoting dawnnamarie:

Shes Very unstable. Sometimes she's cool with us picking him up and dropping him off, then all of a sudden she freaks out and says kind of the same thing-you're just trying to ruin my visitation- one week.


Quoting Nature_girl:


 I offered to take him and drop him back off with ex afterwards. But then that just became a "you are trying to take time away from me" - so it depends on how sane the person you are dealing with is.


 

momof2ex1
by Ruby Member on May. 18, 2013 at 3:48 PM
We have this issue and are currently waiting a hearing date to make some changes to allow ECs. It seems to be the number 1 battle between divorced/split homes after child support. Not sure why a parent would not enjoy being involved in their child's choice of activity. Sure it takes time out of your day but it can be really fun. For example: today dd had a band thing at a college about an hour away. It's her dads weekend and he said no way, not going. But then he cancelled his weekend so that allowed me to get to take her. We got up early, kissed the boys good bye and off we went on a girl's day trip.
It took about 45 minutes to get there. We talked the entire way there. We sang our favorite songs loud and chatted about what's going on at school and what we are going to do this summer. We were early so we walked around the campus a bit. Pointing out all the different halls and talking to dd12 about college and choices and what benefits you can receive from a college education.

We went in, we watched a couple of concerts by professional players. Then dd did her solo. She received a little award and some constructive comments from the judges. We walked around some more. Looking at the exhibits. She got to play a couple different types of flutes and handle some pretty expensive merchandise which was exciting for her. We took some pictures of her in front of the college sign. And off we went for lunch. We spent the morning and early afternoon together. Just the two of us. What a wonderful day it was. Was it exactly how I wanted to spend a hot as hell Saturday? Nope I would have liked to have slept in, lay on the couch in my pjs. But this was much more rewarding than any of that.

Why would someone not see the value in what I did with my child today? I was away from my husband and other child all morning but I spent some extremely valuable quality time with my daughter. And I learned a lot about her in that 2 hours of driving there and driving back. Time I can't get back but very much worth every minute. And when we got home, I received a thank you for taking me, I had fun with you today.

That was priceless.
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momof2ex1
by Ruby Member on May. 18, 2013 at 3:55 PM
I am kind of seeing the downfall to dd not being in any kind of activity over the last several years. She is in dance once a week but other than that, I've not signed her up for much else because ECs are not allowed at the other home. The biggest downfall is that she doesn't have a lot of confidence in herself. She's scared to try new things. She has never really been part of a team or a group so she doesn't really know how to work well with others and how to carry the load for a team. She gets shy in large settings and becomes an introvert. Maybe that is just her personality but she didn't come by that naturally. Both parents are very out going and don't have issues with meeting new people or trying new things. I think she is suffering the results of a sheltered childhood. Which is mainly at the hands of her father who started this new idea at the age of 6 that she would not participate in any eCs on his parenting time. Which up until recently was pretty close to 50% of her life. It is hard to sign them up for a team when practices and some games fall on the days that they are with the other parent. It's not worth the lost expense, the hassle or letting the team down that she is not in attendance.
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