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Baby Mama Drama

Posted by on May. 19, 2013 at 7:35 PM
  • 14 Replies

Hi, I am new to this forum and I am hoping this will help. I am at my wits end, I just got married to a great guy and he has two girls that I am trying my hardest to have a relationship with. I have made it known to everyone involved that it is not my intention to take anyones spot and I am not trying to be mom, but someone they can talk to if they need. My problem is that one of the girls wants nothing to do with me and I am ok with that and give her time to get use to me but then she goes home and says that I ignore her...which I do not I try talking to her and she rolls her eyes and basically tells me to go away. I think that may be solved as I talked to the mom and we are all going to sit down and have an open line of communication. The other problem is that the other girl that has a different mom and all her mom does is run her mouth about me and tells everyone I am mean to the girls and that I am a terrible person. My husband has talked to her and she seemed to stop until we found out that she is now calling the other mom and saying terrible things about me. I want to call her and put her in her place but know that is likely not the right thing to do and my husband thinks it will just make it worse. The big problem is that we live in a small town and other people in town are starting to hear it. 

I don't know if I just need to talk to someone to relieve some of the stress or learn ways to let it go but I am struggling right now. I have a hard time not letting what she says get to me because it is hurtful when I am trying so hard. 

Please help. 


by on May. 19, 2013 at 7:35 PM
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Replies (1-10):
whatIknownow
by Emerald Member on May. 19, 2013 at 7:50 PM

It's hard to tell from your post what is going on.

My advice is, just try to be nice to the girls, as though they were your friend's kids. Not sure if you're doing anything other than that. 

Why do they think are you are being mean to them? What do they mean by "mean?"

ramita
by Silver Member on May. 19, 2013 at 8:02 PM
1 mom liked this
Here's what I'd do kill them all with kindness. This doesn't mean go out your way for them, but be extra polite. Every time you see one of the girls smile real big and hello, if they don't respond it respond negatively just ignore and keep going. If they decide to respond be nice about it. For the moms same type of concept. Don't attempt to 'put then in their plane's or anything just let what they say roll off your back. Yes, word will get around, but people (at least those worth your time) will see the truth and realize its gossip.
packermomof2
by on May. 19, 2013 at 8:24 PM

Don't kill them with kindness.  It comes off fake and no one really likes it when someone's only goal is to be overly nice.

When two moms and kids have a problem with you, you can't only blame them.  It could be that your man has a track record with women (one girl has had two SM's now), or that they don't trust you for some reason (ex. telling people you're not trying to take the place of mom is something mom's are aware of that SM's can't do, so saying it makes it look like you're trying to convince yourself, not anyone else), or maybe you have done something that you're maybe even unaware of ...


Tigress22304
by Ruby Member on May. 19, 2013 at 9:38 PM
2 moms liked this

tell them to fuck off and to mind their own business-and keep living your life.

Christ woman-you cant make everyone happy and you're bound to piss SOMEBODY off at least once a day.


princesskt
by on May. 20, 2013 at 12:57 AM

 I understand what you are going through..My SD has already made up many lies about me..For example she told her mom that I was fighting with my DH in front of her.  SD told her mom that I called DH names (racial slurs that I NEVER EVER use/words that aren't in my vocabulary) during this "fight" that never happened..And I was like ..HUH?  I don't know why she did this..Of course BM believed the child.  I didn't get involved..I just let my husband tell BM that it wasn't true and I ignored it like SD never said it because I didn't want to start problems with her.  Also, I never confronted BM and continued to be nice to her b/c I love SD and my husband.

What exaclty do they say that you are doing that is mean and terrible?  Can you give examples?  Also, how old are they?

Hopefully things will get better w/your SD whose mother you are communicating with.

It sounds like BM#2 is a drama queen, you have your hands full there...Ppl are going to eventually see that she is just running her mouth.

Personally I would keep trying to do your best and be nice.Not overly nice, but kind.Just b/c you are the adult and they are the child.  I know that's hard to do sometimes.  I would definitely mention it to Dh everytime they are rude (maybe even keep a journal/log so you have examples of how they are treating you) and try to keep DH around as much as possible while the girls are around until things change..Just so he can back you up regarding how you are treating them...Almost like a "witness"..I know that is sad and shouldn't be necessary.

Did you have a relationship with the girls before you married your DH?  If so, what was it like?

Hopefully they will come around...Mabye the girls just need time to adjust???  I don't think it's about letting it go, just trying to not take it 2 personal, b/c it may have nothing to do with "you" as a person.  I understand this is hurtful when you are trying so hard.*~Hugs~*

princesskt
by on May. 20, 2013 at 12:59 AM

Also, if you ever need to chat, I'm here.

rebeccasmly
by on May. 20, 2013 at 1:05 AM
I was thinking along the same lines. Doesn't automatically mean you're doing something wrong. It could very well be something like what packermom said.

Quoting packermomof2:

Don't kill them with kindness.  It comes off fake and no one really likes it when someone's only goal is to be overly nice.

When two moms and kids have a problem with you, you can't only blame them.  It could be that your man has a track record with women (one girl has had two SM's now), or that they don't trust you for some reason (ex. telling people you're not trying to take the place of mom is something mom's are aware of that SM's can't do, so saying it makes it look like you're trying to convince yourself, not anyone else), or maybe you have done something that you're maybe even unaware of ...


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dandymandy273
by on May. 20, 2013 at 7:11 AM

 I make it my mission in life to. :/

Quoting Tigress22304:

tell them to fuck off and to mind their own business-and keep living your life.

Christ woman-you cant make everyone happy and you're bound to piss SOMEBODY off at least once a day.


 

Tigress22304
by Ruby Member on May. 20, 2013 at 8:13 AM


Quoting dandymandy273:

 I make it my mission in life to. :/

Quoting Tigress22304:

tell them to fuck off and to mind their own business-and keep living your life.

Christ woman-you cant make everyone happy and you're bound to piss SOMEBODY off at least once a day.


 

lol we've noticed


shanlee42
by on May. 20, 2013 at 8:21 AM
1 mom liked this
Ignore it. Go about your day as normal. Treat the girls the way you want to be treated and they should catch on. It sounds like their dad is standing up for you which is great. Hopefully that continues.

Change is difficult at any age
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