Not quite a step mom, as I am not married but I recently entered a relationship with one of my best friends of 10 years (that transition was.... Interesting lol). I am a single mother of a soon to be 3 year old. His birth father is not in the picture AT ALL. My boyfriend has a 4 year old daughter. Throughout our friendship his ex was always jealous of me but now that she is married and they are separated there seems to be no issues, in fact they get along fairly well and are civil in raising their daughter together. I've always known my boyfriend to LOVE children, wanted nothing more to be a father, and when he found out he was ESTATIC. Seems great right? Well, I have some issues. I want more children some day and the experience with his ex and daughter has dampened his excitement of having more children. However, he's been more than willing to accept the father figure role to my son, which I am very fortunate for. We have arguments pretty often about how I want more. Not to mention, I have this extreme jealousy of watching him raise a child with another woman. Does anyone share this?
I love his daughter and want to be there for her, so the issue of him already having a child isn't what bothers me. It's knowing him prior and how excited he was to be a father, now- seeing him not so excited about more children bothers me. Sometimes when we discuss it he says he could change his mind someday. My concern is getting invested in our blended family and never overcoming this.
Its like... His ex is experiencing something with him that I KNOW he wanted but I don't possibly get to. It bothers me enough to consider that our relationship isn't what I want. I should be happy that they get along and he got the child he so wanted, but I can't help feel a ping of hurt when he talks about it. "we did this for our daughter" or "I think we are doing a great job" the killer: "Isn't it great we get along so well?".
I feel extremely selfish, guilty, and confused. In the end I'm not sure if this is something I can overcome. I want to have a child and a family with him but I can't help to think about the child he already has with someone else and how she gets to share such a special time with MY boyfriend. Which seemed to ruin any future possibility....
Advice? Tips? Anything?