Summertime is here! SD16's is officially a SENIOR as of 3:20pm today!
This morning, DH brought up the Summer schedule and asked me what I think it should be. I said a Sun-to-Sun schedule would work best for a number of reasons. 1, SD16 can plant herself somewhere, sleep in the same bed and enjoy some level of stability for at least 7 days vs. the constant "back & forth" she's endured all school year round. 2, it would lessen the friction between DH & BM and all the daily arguing. My advice was that he put it in writing and make sure that everyone (me & boyfriend(s) included since we serve as backup for the 2 of them) are on the same page. Surprisingly, he said that BM proposed a weekly on & off schedule too! Yay, so we're off to a good start!
Then he goes, "why don't you email her the schedule, copy me and when she gets back in town, let's all sit down & iron it out?" I said "not happening, why don't you email her and copy me?"
Has your DH ever asked you to handle something and based on your growth as a SM, you've learned to put it back on HIM to do? Did you feel like you let him down as his wife? Afterall, wives are supposed to be "helpers" according to the Bible. Or, did you feel justified because you've touched that damn stove before and that sucker was hot so you've learned to disengage?
I'm asking because, seriously, this (SM thing) has been an uphill climb for me. I can't recall the post but another SM posted a very candid and transparent thread about the vicissitudes of SM-hood. It really provided clarity for me and I applaud her for writing it! I must've read it about 4xs.
I digress. When I met SD, she was 9 and had lived with DH since birth. BM worked 3 jobs and even lived out of state for 1.5yrs. So from age 9 to 15, DH and me did it all. BM came around, maybe, once every 8-10 days and even then, only would have SD for, barely 24hrs. Literally, the VERY nexy day, she was dropping her back off...hungry, homework incomplete, practice missed, you name it. She didn't know SD's friends, their parents, allergies, size of shoes, clothing. However, since last year, I can honestly say that BM has been faithful and "on top" of things. We still pay out more money than she does, but we make substantially more than her, so no biggie.
LIke many of you, though, I'm used to handling things; knowing all my family's moving parts at any given time. I plan out our meals, our budget, our
recreation, our activities etc. Truthfully, its been a real challenge for me to loosen the grip around SD. I'm SO used to including her in all of my "doing." Disengaging is very painful and difficult and I think I've put on a mask about it for this past year. I'm tired and really sad.
Don't misread me, DH is the head of our family and I believe the Bible about my role as his wife. He does a good job handling SD and all that concerns her, namely BM. I think he just asked me to do it because we were talking about it. As soon as I threw it back on him, he nodded his head in agreement.
I guess I'm just asking if any of you have been in similar situations, and what road did you choose?