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Kinda disrespectful? But also, necessary

Posted by on May. 24, 2013 at 1:07 AM
  • 10 Replies

BM is taking SD for the weekend tomorrow. I'll be doing the drop off as DH will be at work.

BM hasn't seen SD in 7 weeks and she's never been to any of SD's therapy appointments (physical and occupational). SD has activities that she's supposed to do daily for both therapies. We've made copies of every print out we have, and DH is typing up notes explaining the exercises/activities and other important details. All of this has been emailed to BM over the last 7 weeks, but she has a tendency to not print anything out or do any follow through with therapy stuff.

I mean, as much as it's necessary to give BM all of this information, I kinda feel like it's similar to saying, "Well, since you obviously don't have a clue on how to take care of your kid, here's a printed list of instructions to get you through the weekend."

Sending copies of the exercises/activities in SD's bag is really the only way to ensure that SD will remember to get it all done. It's really not like there's a lot to do, all of it should take less than an hour total and SD is completely capable of doing it on her own (she does here with minimal reminders).

by on May. 24, 2013 at 1:07 AM
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Replies (1-10):
ejsmom4604
by on May. 24, 2013 at 1:15 AM

The only disrespect I see, based off of this post, and others regarding this, is BM to her daughter. One would think they would do whatever was needed to make sure their child had all the best opportunities in life. I know many are also in denial about whats going with their kids, and/or hate labels, and I get that I really do. But those labels are what gets the child the help they need so they can have the most "normal" life possible and the greatest chance to reach their potential. 

I really hope BM follows through and does what needs to be done. 

momof2ex1
by Ruby Member on May. 24, 2013 at 1:53 AM
I do not for a minute think that it is disrespectful. She isn't the one going to the appointments and she doesn't have a clue what is said there or done. I would need it written down and have a diagram if I never went to one of her appointments. I still read the Tylenol bottle before giving to my kids. I can't remember each time exactly how much to give so I read it and remind myself of what the correct dose is. I think you are being helpful and very caring of SD to go to so much effort but its so important that you do.

I really hope that she does what she is supposed to. Let us know what happens.
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Polkadotted
by Gold Member on May. 24, 2013 at 5:38 AM
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Hand them to her. Say Here are copies of the handouts and exercises that the therapists gave us.

I don't think it's disrespectful to share.
baparrot2
by Platinum Member on May. 24, 2013 at 7:07 AM

What if she had gotten new medication and it had directions? Wouldnt you pack that too? Same thing. Not disrespectful.

whatIknownow
by Emerald Member on May. 24, 2013 at 7:29 AM

I agree with the others. Not disrespectful.

lnr187
by on May. 24, 2013 at 8:14 AM

 this exactly.

as cp, dh is required to share all information from dr with bm. 

Quoting ejsmom4604:

The only disrespect I see, based off of this post, and others regarding this, is BM to her daughter. One would think they would do whatever was needed to make sure their child had all the best opportunities in life. I know many are also in denial about whats going with their kids, and/or hate labels, and I get that I really do. But those labels are what gets the child the help they need so they can have the most "normal" life possible and the greatest chance to reach their potential. 

I really hope BM follows through and does what needs to be done. 

 

Tinkerbellmama
by Platinum Member on May. 24, 2013 at 12:23 PM

Part of me feels like I'm giving BM instructions on how to care for her child while she has SD, you know?

And, in reality I kinda am. BM is invited to therapy appointment, but chooses not to come for whatever reason. She's even elected to just skip her parenting time so far that included therapy visits.

But, I know that it's necessary. BM, by choice, knows absolutely nothing about her own daughter. When BM was CP DH was in weekly contact with teachers and therapists. He received weekly updates from SD's teacher about how she was doing on school and what she was working on, and how he could help at home. He got weekly faxes from SD's therapy clinic updating him with new information and all of her exercises and activties.

All of that was AFTER BM told the school and therapy clinic that DH was legally barred from accessing that information. DH had to fax in copies of the CO and his driver's licence to prove that the CO didn't cover denying him access to anything and to prove who he was (at the time SD lived 4 hours away). 


Quoting baparrot2:

What if she had gotten new medication and it had directions? Wouldnt you pack that too? Same thing. Not disrespectful.



Birdseed
by Platinum Member on May. 24, 2013 at 12:47 PM

They're not YOUR instructions.  They're the doctors/PT's instructions. So it's not disrespectful at all.

Ya know, maybe it's time to look at this from a different angle. BM is obviously confident that DH and you are handling everything.  Hence, she doesn't NEED to be at appointments.  The base is covered.

Take it as a compliment if that will help.

I know I do this a lot and it's probably annoying to some, but I equate this to my situation with my horse.

When she's been at barns where I didn't trust the staff, I went every day come hell or high water.  No matter the cost, the time, the inconvenience.  She's my responsibility and they weren't holding up their end of the deal.

But when she's at a place I trust, I don't try to kill myself trying to get out there. I know she's well cared for and if there's a problem, I'll be notified.  It might seem lazy to some who don't see me there daily, but I have other things I have to do like work or take care of things at home.  I'm lucky to have a situation that I'm really really comfortable with which means that I only need to go out if there's a problem or if I want to go have fun.  

Maybe this BM feels the same way.  Doesn't necessarily make her neglectful. I mean, the kiddo is getting what she needs.  

Send the instructions.  Talk to SD about how important it is that she advocate for herself.  But don't sweat this.  You're not telling Mom how to take care of her kid based on your beliefs...you're handing her doctor's orders.

bottomline
by Silver Member on May. 24, 2013 at 12:51 PM
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 It's not being disrespectful. If bm takes it that way then pffffttt, she can just get over it. You are giving her instructions but not as a bitch to stir the pot. You are a concerned CSM who knows bm has lied, not followed through, and given less than a damn about the well being of her child.

Even if SD can do the therapies on her own, bm needs to ensure they are getting done. How can she do that without your instructions? She can't, and would probably use that as her excuse. She now will have a detailed list s no excuses for her to use.

I really hope for SD's sake that everything goes well this weekend. Fingers crossed!

Tinkerbellmama
by Platinum Member on May. 24, 2013 at 4:45 PM
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Part of it is that I REALLY don't deal well with drama from BM directed at me. If she's being pissy in general, or pissy at DH whatever that's on him to deal with it. But, if/when she's pissy/nasty to me I have a REALLY hard time not responding.

The other part is me looking at it from MY point of view. If someone was giving me a list of things to do with my kid, I'd be pissed. BUT, the difference is, I'm a very active mom/sm.


Quoting bottomline:

 It's not being disrespectful. If bm takes it that way then pffffttt, she can just get over it. You are giving her instructions but not as a bitch to stir the pot. You are a concerned CSM who knows bm has lied, not followed through, and given less than a damn about the well being of her child.

Even if SD can do the therapies on her own, bm needs to ensure they are getting done. How can she do that without your instructions? She can't, and would probably use that as her excuse. She now will have a detailed list s no excuses for her to use.

I really hope for SD's sake that everything goes well this weekend. Fingers crossed!



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