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So, I got a message from my ex's ex

Posted by on May. 24, 2013 at 10:12 AM
  • 17 Replies

A couple of days ago I got a message from my daughters fathers ex.  They have a 10 year old son together and my dd is 15.  I haven't talked to her for a while. My daughter used to go and visit her brother and his mother. but it has been about 5 years since they seen each other.  We always had a good relationship. When she was with my ex I felt comfortable having my dd go to their house bc I knew she would be the only looking after her.  She moved to another state without telling my daughter, which was upsetting bc who know when she will see her brother again.  But on to the reason why she messaged me.  She wanted to know if I had heard anything thing from the child support office regarding our ex's income taxes. He is behind over $5000 for each of us and we are supposed to get his income taxes.  She wanted to know if I had heard anything.  I told her I had not heard anything, but if I did I would let her know.  She also said that he is only ordered to pay $47.00 a week and she called him to say that her son wanted a TV for his room and that is when he mentioned to her about income taxes.  Here is my problem. I get child support from him, I am ordered a little more that what she receives, but it isn't consistent.  The money doesn't really matter to me. I would rather he had a relationship with his daughter, which will never happen. I just felt uncomfortable discussing it with her.

  So my question is:  would you call/message/email the other woman to discuss child support with them?

by on May. 24, 2013 at 10:12 AM
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Replies (1-10):
kmur
by on May. 24, 2013 at 10:17 AM

 personally , no I wouldnt. If you have a good communicable relationship with your ex, you might just ruin that by "talking" with his ex, kwim? I would just tell her, what you said to her already and leave it at that. He is her issue to deal with about her cs.

ramita
by Silver Member on May. 24, 2013 at 10:22 AM
Unlike you, she may need that money or maybe he's not paying her at all or something which is why she reached out to you. Personally, no I probably wouldn't do it, but if she is in need for the money I guess I could get it. In a sense your another resource for her to figure out how to get the child support or when she'll get it. I wouldn't think anything of it at this point. If you do get information on it let her know otherwise just don't worry about it. Now if she starts fussing about it to much that might be a little weird for me, and you may want to stop it. Depends on your comfort level with this woman.
kgsharber
by Member on May. 24, 2013 at 10:24 AM
1 mom liked this

You were clearly her last resort. If itsbeen that long since she has spoken with you, she probably realy needs the money for something she is not disclosing. 

Derdriu
by Gold Member on May. 24, 2013 at 10:26 AM

No.  The reason why I wouldn't advise that is simple.  Which one of you controls the amount of CS your receive or the timing in which you receive it?  Neither.  If he pays it, the state distributes it as the law dictates.  It may not seem fair that she gets less, but discussing the matter isn't going to solve anything.

justcyarra
by Brandi on May. 24, 2013 at 10:30 AM


see, that is just it.  She talks to him, her son spends vacation time with him. I have talked to him once in 3 years and that is when his mom died.  He hasnt seen my daughter since 2010 and it was by accident. So I have no relationship with him at all.

Quoting ramita:

Unlike you, she may need that money or maybe he's not paying her at all or something which is why she reached out to you. Personally, no I probably wouldn't do it, but if she is in need for the money I guess I could get it. In a sense your another resource for her to figure out how to get the child support or when she'll get it. I wouldn't think anything of it at this point. If you do get information on it let her know otherwise just don't worry about it. Now if she starts fussing about it to much that might be a little weird for me, and you may want to stop it. Depends on your comfort level with this woman.


....ClvrScn.
by on May. 24, 2013 at 10:37 AM

EX SM in my situation messages me to discuss child support. I feel extremely uncomfortable about it, because I am ordered 4 times what she is ordered for one child each. It's still not even half of daycare, let alone medical, and basic needs.. No one will even help her with enforcement at CS where as the case worker for my case is doing her best to enforce it, but you can't get blood from a turnip. I try not to talk to her about anything unrelated to our related children. It's hard, because she wants to be friends, but her life is a train wreck and not someone I was to associate with past peasantry's


I would just leave it at, I haven't heard anything and maybe let her know that CS cannot release it until 180 days after they seized it.

OvrMyHead
by on May. 24, 2013 at 10:41 AM

 No way.  I wouldn't disclose to her and details about your support.

ramita
by Silver Member on May. 24, 2013 at 10:41 AM
I don't know maybe she assumed since you had the first child you would be more likely to get information from the child support agency than she. Honestly, I wouldn't worry about unless it becomes a regular venting from her then I'd say something. Her asking a question and then venting a little bit may have just been out of desperation because of her need for the money.

Just so you know though, if you ex filed taxes it could take up to 6 months after he filed for you to receive those funds. In many states child support actually holds tax intercepts for 6 months, especially if the person whose income tax was taken filed a joint return.


Quoting justcyarra:


see,
that is just it.  She talks to him, her son spends vacation time with
him. I have talked to him once in 3 years and that is when his mom
died.  He hasnt seen my daughter since 2010 and it was by accident. So I
have no relationship with him at all.

Quoting ramita:

Unlike you, she may need that money or maybe he's not paying her at all or something which is why she reached out to you. Personally, no I probably wouldn't do it, but if she is in need for the money I guess I could get it. In a sense your another resource for her to figure out how to get the child support or when she'll get it. I wouldn't think anything of it at this point. If you do get information on it let her know otherwise just don't worry about it. Now if she starts fussing about it to much that might be a little weird for me, and you may want to stop it. Depends on your comfort level with this woman.



cLanief
by on May. 24, 2013 at 10:43 AM
Nope. Just no.
Birdseed
by on May. 24, 2013 at 10:47 AM

You say that you would like for him to have a relationship with DD. 

If that is your goal, then I do not think that teaming up with this woman in any way with regards to finances is a good idea. In fact, it could work against you.

That said, her son still sees his dad.  So maybe cultivating a relationship with her on other levels could benefit your daughter. 

I think that were I in your shoes, I'd approach the CS stuff with a bit of a joking response.  "Gosh, I'd love to help you out but I don't have a clue.  In fact, I've just kind of given up on the whole thing. Ha ha. What I'd REALLY like is for DD to get to see her dad.  Any ideas?  You seem to have a good thing going. Do tell!"

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