Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

So, what matters?

Posted by on May. 24, 2013 at 5:11 PM
  • 19 Replies

We know the little things that SMs get all fussy and miserable about don't matter, what are some of the things that matter?

Wife, Mother and Career Woman living in Jamaica

by on May. 24, 2013 at 5:11 PM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
packermomof2
by on May. 24, 2013 at 5:27 PM

In my experience - being mean, name calling, being hurtful, and abuse.

My kids were fine wearing the playclothes I sent them in all weekend as dad didn't make them change most of the time.  They lived.  They didn't get baths.  They're still alive.  They did eat junk when they weren't at grandma's.  Oh well.

But the names they were called and the bad mouthing they heard about me, the physical abuse have stuck with them.

MimiMamaMe
by on May. 24, 2013 at 5:28 PM

In reality?

Things that could be presented in and verified by the court.


newstepmom61811
by on May. 24, 2013 at 5:34 PM
I agree, the SKs in my situation survive BMs minimal care...what hurts are other things...in their case her lies and disappointments...the kids remember broken promises, lies and the disappointment that comes with those. Oh, and when you play favorites between kids...BM does that really bad and the kids resent her for it...I'm lost as to what would ever motivate a mom to pit kids against one another bit everything is a test of loyalty to her. But I digress, from a SM viewpoint, some of the small things I wouldn't do, that I consider small cares and comforts for the kids, and lack of structure, well, the kids survive it 4 days a week...it won't kill or scar them...but that's also why we're "home" to them.


Quoting packermomof2:

In my experience - being mean, name calling, being hurtful, and abuse.

My kids were fine wearing the playclothes I sent them in all weekend as dad didn't make them change most of the time.  They lived.  They didn't get baths.  They're still alive.  They did eat junk when they weren't at grandma's.  Oh well.

But the names they were called and the bad mouthing they heard about me, the physical abuse have stuck with them.


pokey-pwa
by on May. 24, 2013 at 5:39 PM
1 mom liked this

Neglect.  Physical, mental and emotional abuse.  Intentionally making your children feel bad for things like loving the other parent just so that they will be sad and come to you for support anyways.  Abadonment.

Of course I suppose to those who dont have to deal with those kind of things, then the little stuff is what matters to them. 

Tinkerbellmama
by Platinum Member on May. 24, 2013 at 5:45 PM

Neglect to the point of causing medical issues or allowing current medical issues to get worse.

Abuse, of any type. This includes emotional and psychological manipulation of the child.

Saying ANYTHING negative about the child's parents.

elisesmom922
by Silver Member on May. 24, 2013 at 5:56 PM

What everyone else has said so far. Abuse, bad mouthing, and here, being filthy. DD5 has a skin condition, and was left in the same clothes with no bath for 3 days. She came home with red patches bleeding. I was ready to blow my top as soon as I saw her.

sarawags
by on May. 24, 2013 at 6:10 PM

It matters that we as parents do the best that we can do with what we have to work with.

(please excuse the semi-dr-Phil-ism ;) 

Si_si
by on May. 24, 2013 at 6:22 PM

 Do you mean what things stepmoms are allowed to worry about with their stepkids or their situations?  Or, do you mean what are things stepmoms should insure doesn't happen to the child? 

leegirl_jm
by Ruby Member on May. 24, 2013 at 6:30 PM

I asked primarily about the former but you could answer the latter as well.

Quoting Si_si:

 Do you mean what things stepmoms are allowed to worry about with their stepkids or their situations?  Or, do you mean what are things stepmoms should insure doesn't happen to the child? 


Wife, Mother and Career Woman living in Jamaica

annabl1970
by Platinum Member on May. 24, 2013 at 6:40 PM
2 moms liked this
SM should care about her kids first.
That what matters the most. Don't let your kids suffer trying to please BM, BF or SKs
Let the BM and BF worry about step kids. After all they are dad and mom to those kids, not you.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)