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COMPLETELY OT, but WWYD?

Posted by on May. 25, 2013 at 12:34 AM
  • 36 Replies

I noticed there's a part of DD's hair that's a bit shorter than all the hair around it. I think it's been cut. When I asked her about it she said, "E cut it." E is a boy at school. I asked her what happened and she said, "E said he was going to cut me with the scissors. I was playing with my hair like this (she held her hand out showing me) and he cut my hair. He said sorry."

I asked if she told her teacher and she said, "No, she was reading with someone and we're not supposed to bother her when she's doing that."

I told DH and he asked her about it and said that E would be getting into really big trouble, so she really needed to tell the truth. Now she's insisting that it was a dream last night. Her exact words were, "I forgot to tell you that it was a dream last night."

I don't know what to do. I think she was telling the truth the first time, but I don't have any proof. This is the same kid who yesterday during writing time drew a picture of a house blowing up and wrote, "Me and my friend put a bomb in a house."

I know this kid, I've been in the classroom. He's not a bad kid. He's a typical 6 year old boy. But, he's totally the type of kid that would reach out with scissors and cut her hair, or do other things like that because it would be funny.

DD is 6, she's in Kindergarten. She has special needs (currently diagnosed ADHD, SPD, and anxiety; all of her providers think there's something else going on, possibly ASD, bi-polar, or something else). Her anxiety is REALLY bad at school, she rarely speaks to the teacher. She's peed her pants several times over the year because she's too scared to ask to use the bathroom. She's been hurt a few times at school and hasn't said anything to anyone about it. She's very shut down and withdrawn in school; however, because she's so quiet, does everything she's told, and is preforming at grade level the school won't do anything to help her. If the teacher talks to her about it, she's not going to say anything.

DD has previously been hurt, once being hit in the face with a stick at recess and no one had a clue. She came home with three scratches across her cheek, each about an inch and a half long, and when I asked her teacher about it, her teacher had no idea what I was talking about.

I don't know what to do. I think DD needs help at school for the anxiety (we're working with her pediatrician, an occupational therapist, a behavior therapist, and a child psychiatrist), and for the teacher to keep an eye on her a bit better and learn to respond to DD's changes in behavior (when she becomes even more shut down and withdrawn).

WWYD? Tell the teacher you THINK another kid threatened your child and cut their hair? Wait and see if DD goes back to her other story? Option 3 (although I don't know what that is)? 

by on May. 25, 2013 at 12:34 AM
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Replies (1-10):
Si_si
by on May. 25, 2013 at 1:27 AM
1 mom liked this

Option 3: I'd just call or email the teacher and tell them what was said - what she said initially and that she changed her tune when she was told they would get in trouble. I wouldn't say what I believe or don't believe and ask the school if they can maybe make head way. They are there to work with you but it also means trusting that they actually are specialists and will make an unbiased judgment.

Aside from that, I would work with your SD on ways to deal with things like this should someone do anything like this again. Give her the alternative actions you'd like to see other than say nothing until asked. Let her know her school adminstration will protect her if she tells them but she needs to do it right away. I would really stress "safe people" and explain to her who they are and they are there to help her. With special needs children, it is really important your "go to" person is someone YOU feel comfortable talking to and trust. I have usually found them to be the school social worker and the teachers.

Side note: Kids this age do things to each other. It's part of learning how to interact and socialize. He may be special needs as well. Once they do an investigation, they will figure out if those two need to be separated or if the real issue is better supervision. Do they have an IEP for her? If so, does it have a special clause for a para-educator to supervise her more. This would be a direction I would look at for meeting her special needs. She needs someone she knows she can go to, at school, to support her so she can feel safe and secure, and you can feel like she is safe and secure. :)

saywhat2102
by Gold Member on May. 25, 2013 at 1:33 AM
1 mom liked this
If I were you I would tell the teacher. If called on his shit at a young age it just may save him from a life of being an ass.

At that age they have to be told no. Special needs or not.
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Tinkerbellmama
by Platinum Member on May. 25, 2013 at 2:18 AM

Unfortunately, the school refuses to accept the diagnosises. DD doesn't exhibit ANY of the ADHD or SPD symptoms at school, only the anxiety (shut down and withdrawn), the school keeps telling me she's just really shy and she's only 6 and in Kindergarten and a lot of kids act like that. I've never seen another child act like DD does.

DD is above grade level in every area academically, so the school keeps saying, "Well, lets wait and see if she's still 'really shy' next year." DD is not close with any adult in the school, and doesn't trust any of them enough to really open up to them, again, the school calls this "really shy", but her pediatrician, occupational therapist, and behavior therapist all say it's anxety. We see a child psychaitrist next week.

I really do think this little boy is just a typical little boy, I don't think he's a bad kid or anything. He doesn't appear to have special needs. I volunteer in the classroom quite a bit and I've worked with him before. I can't say for sure, but I'm fairly certain he's typically developing. I don't think he did anything with the intent of hurting DD.


Quoting Si_si:

Option 3: I'd just call or email the teacher and tell them what was said - what she said initially and that she changed her tune when she was told they would get in trouble. I wouldn't say what I believe or don't believe and ask the school if they can maybe make head way. They are there to work with you but it also means trusting that they actually are specialists and will make an unbiased judgment.

Aside from that, I would work with your SD on ways to deal with things like this should someone do anything like this again. Give her the alternative actions you'd like to see other than say nothing until asked. Let her know her school adminstration will protect her if she tells them but she needs to do it right away. I would really stress "safe people" and explain to her who they are and they are there to help her. With special needs children, it is really important your "go to" person is someone YOU feel comfortable talking to and trust. I have usually found them to be the school social worker and the teachers.

Side note: Kids this age do things to each other. It's part of learning how to interact and socialize. He may be special needs as well. Once they do an investigation, they will figure out if those two need to be separated or if the real issue is better supervision. Do they have an IEP for her? If so, does it have a special clause for a para-educator to supervise her more. This would be a direction I would look at for meeting her special needs. She needs someone she knows she can go to, at school, to support her so she can feel safe and secure, and you can feel like she is safe and secure. :)



Tinkerbellmama
by Platinum Member on May. 25, 2013 at 2:19 AM
1 mom liked this

He's not special needs, DD is. He's typically developing.

I don't think he did it with the intent of hurting DD. I think he just thought it would be funny to pretend to cut her hair, and then, WHOOPS, he cut some.


Quoting saywhat2102:

If I were you I would tell the teacher. If called on his shit at a young age it just may save him from a life of being an ass.

At that age they have to be told no. Special needs or not.



Polkadotted
by Gold Member on May. 25, 2013 at 9:02 AM
It seems like something is not outside the realm of a K class that was not well supervised. I wouldn't worry so much about the hair, but the supervision. And that she feels she can't talk to e teacher.

She's really literal isn't she. I can't imagine a teacher that would get upset with a kid who interrupted for that.

I struggled with pushing the IEPs. If the kids are doing well academically I didn't see the point in pushing it. The disability has to have an adverse affect on school performance. And our school has been great with setting up a social group for him. I don't want the label because like it or not people will judge them on it.


Quoting Tinkerbellmama:

He's not special needs, DD is. He's typically developing.

I don't think he did it with the intent of hurting DD. I think he just thought it would be funny to pretend to cut her hair, and then, WHOOPS, he cut some.



Quoting saywhat2102:

If I were you I would tell the teacher. If called on his shit at a young age it just may save him from a life of being an ass.



At that age they have to be told no. Special needs or not.




bertaboo1
by Silver Member on May. 25, 2013 at 9:09 AM

def. talk to the teacher.  you dont have to accuse per say.  just tell the teacher you would prefer them not to be around each other.  as for the child getting hurt...dont you have 2 teachers in kindergarten?  that is what is concerning me.  no one noticed?  the lack of adult eyes on wee ones is alarming.

AmericanDream
by Gold Member on May. 25, 2013 at 9:13 AM

I would call or email the teacher and tell her what happenend.  That you found the chunk of hair missing and talked to your DD about it and she told you that E cut her hair but changed her story later.

You said he's not a bad kid and that's probably true but 5/6 year olds do stupid crap all the time without thinking because it's "funny" or whatever. If he thinks that he got away with it once and gets a kick out of it he might try it again either with your DD or someone else's.

Si_si
by on May. 25, 2013 at 10:39 AM
Is it possible she got ahold of scissors and did it herself? How did he get ahold of scissors that would cut hair?

My kids has those kid scissors that barely cut paper in kindy.


Quoting Tinkerbellmama:

Unfortunately, the school refuses to accept the diagnosises. DD doesn't exhibit ANY of the ADHD or SPD symptoms at school, only the anxiety (shut down and withdrawn), the school keeps telling me she's just really shy and she's only 6 and in Kindergarten and a lot of kids act like that. I've never seen another child act like DD does.

DD is above grade level in every area academically, so the school keeps saying, "Well, lets wait and see if she's still 'really shy' next year." DD is not close with any adult in the school, and doesn't trust any of them enough to really open up to them, again, the school calls this "really shy", but her pediatrician, occupational therapist, and behavior therapist all say it's anxety. We see a child psychaitrist next week.

I really do think this little boy is just a typical little boy, I don't think he's a bad kid or anything. He doesn't appear to have special needs. I volunteer in the classroom quite a bit and I've worked with him before. I can't say for sure, but I'm fairly certain he's typically developing. I don't think he did anything with the intent of hurting DD.



Quoting Si_si:

Option 3: I'd just call or email the teacher and tell them what was said - what she said initially and that she changed her tune when she was told they would get in trouble. I wouldn't say what I believe or don't believe and ask the school if they can maybe make head way. They are there to work with you but it also means trusting that they actually are specialists and will make an unbiased judgment.


Aside from that, I would work with your SD on ways to deal with things like this should someone do anything like this again. Give her the alternative actions you'd like to see other than say nothing until asked. Let her know her school adminstration will protect her if she tells them but she needs to do it right away. I would really stress "safe people" and explain to her who they are and they are there to help her. With special needs children, it is really important your "go to" person is someone YOU feel comfortable talking to and trust. I have usually found them to be the school social worker and the teachers.


Side note: Kids this age do things to each other. It's part of learning how to interact and socialize. He may be special needs as well. Once they do an investigation, they will figure out if those two need to be separated or if the real issue is better supervision. Do they have an IEP for her? If so, does it have a special clause for a para-educator to supervise her more. This would be a direction I would look at for meeting her special needs. She needs someone she knows she can go to, at school, to support her so she can feel safe and secure, and you can feel like she is safe and secure. :)




Steamedpuddle30
by Hi, my name is... on May. 25, 2013 at 12:48 PM
This is great

Quoting Si_si:

Option 3: I'd just call or email the teacher and tell them what was said - what she said initially and that she changed her tune when she was told they would get in trouble. I wouldn't say what I believe or don't believe and ask the school if they can maybe make head way. They are there to work with you but it also means trusting that they actually are specialists and will make an unbiased judgment.


Aside from that, I would work with your SD on ways to deal with things like this should someone do anything like this again. Give her the alternative actions you'd like to see other than say nothing until asked. Let her know her school adminstration will protect her if she tells them but she needs to do it right away. I would really stress "safe people" and explain to her who they are and they are there to help her. With special needs children, it is really important your "go to" person is someone YOU feel comfortable talking to and trust. I have usually found them to be the school social worker and the teachers.


Side note: Kids this age do things to each other. It's part of learning how to interact and socialize. He may be special needs as well. Once they do an investigation, they will figure out if those two need to be separated or if the real issue is better supervision. Do they have an IEP for her? If so, does it have a special clause for a para-educator to supervise her more. This would be a direction I would look at for meeting her special needs. She needs someone she knows she can go to, at school, to support her so she can feel safe and secure, and you can feel like she is safe and secure. :)

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Steamedpuddle30
by Hi, my name is... on May. 25, 2013 at 12:55 PM
OT:I think that's what I had growing up(shot I still do ). I will not speak up. At the drs the other day,I was waiting 1.5 hours and they finally called me and said they skipped over me and why didn't I say anything. I was nervous and just shrugged. Always been like this.

Everything I do I don't like it to be a big deal. I think she feels this was as well. The teacher might question her and she will prob. Back track to story #2. So I don't think the kid will get in trouble. (While I'd still email the teacher and say what your dd said just in case it happens again). With the school year almost out,idk how much they will do :(.

GL ! I hope your dd learns to stand up for herself or voice her opinion out loud. I make my dds order or pay at stores. I hope they don't ever have what I have. It sucks. GL again mama
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