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Struggleing Stepmom

Posted by on May. 25, 2013 at 10:54 AM
  • 38 Replies

I am really struggleing with being a stepmom. i am not married but i live with my boyfriend. He has 2 ( 6& 14) girls and I have 2 ( 8 & 12) girls.  The mother of his girls died about a year before I met him. My daughters and I moved into his house and have been living together for about a year now. i have so many questions and concerns that I need advice on but one in particular has been on my mind lately....

In no way would I ever try to erase the memory of the girls mother. I know how important it is to talk about their mom. I also believe that it is important to have pictures of her/her and them. BUT....to have their wedding picture hanging in the hallway just doesnt settle easily with me. Everyday as I walk into my bedroom, the bedroom that was once his and his wives, I see my boyfriend and his wife on their wedding day. Many guests have asked me about the picture and feel the way I do about it. I have mentioned it to my bf. His reply was that he didnt want his kids to think that he has forgotten about their mother. I understand that, but why does it have to be a wedding pic and have to be in the hallway?

by on May. 25, 2013 at 10:54 AM
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Replies (1-10):
JacyB
by Bronze Member on May. 25, 2013 at 10:59 AM
8 moms liked this
Being widowed is a lot different than being divorced. When someone dies you don't stop loving them. It's entirely appropriate to keep their wedding photos up. When you get married I'm sure yours will hang also. This isn't a battle you should get into. If you can't handle that part of his (and their) life you need to reconsider the relationship.
KnowItAll
by Silver Member on May. 25, 2013 at 11:02 AM
I don't have a whole lot of advice but I will say this. I have my ex husband's name tattooed on my back and it has never once bothered my DH. My DH is such a special kind of guy. He really is. Lots of family and friends think it's strange that I have the tattoo and everyone thinks DH should be bothered by it. But it is what it is. It has nothing to do with our current relationship. And he is secure enough to know that. If I were you, I wouldn't think twice about that picture.
Eyelashes23
by Member on May. 25, 2013 at 11:04 AM
I would feel like you. I understand having her picture for the kids but the wedding picture is weird
KCmomma226
by on May. 25, 2013 at 11:06 AM

I completely understand the difference between being widowed and being divorced. I dont expect him to stop loving her. I just feel like a wedding pic could be replaced with a single portrait of their mother.

KCmomma226
by on May. 25, 2013 at 11:13 AM

That's the thing, I dont notice the pic until company comes over and asks me about it. They think its weird to have it hanging there which makes me think about it. I am also living in the house they lived in together with all the possesions they had together. Idk im just really struggeling with being a stepmom. I feel like Im living someone elses life and losing my idenity.

ChelseNichole
by Chelse on May. 25, 2013 at 11:15 AM
6 moms liked this
Could you suggest maybe hanging the wedding photo in his DD's room or something? That was its still in the home. And then maybe get one of his late wife and the girls to hang in the hall... Or even the four of them?
KnowItAll
by Silver Member on May. 25, 2013 at 11:19 AM
1 mom liked this
Perhaps you shouldn't have moved in. Maybe it was too soon?

Don't let what other people think define how you think. It's just a picture. If it really bothers you, then do something about it. But keep in mind that you can't try to change everyone else in the house. They like the picture. You are the one with the problem. Maybe you should move out until you're ready to accept the lifestyle they are offering you. Or find someone else.


Quoting KCmomma226:

That's the thing, I dont notice the pic until company comes over and asks me about it. They think its weird to have it hanging there which makes me think about it. I am also living in the house they lived in together with all the possesions they had together. Idk im just really struggeling with being a stepmom. I feel like Im living someone elses life and losing my idenity.

KCmomma226
by on May. 25, 2013 at 11:31 AM

I am also struggeling with not getting any alone time with my daughters. I spend alot of alone time with my step daughters but dont get any with my daughters. My bf doesnt seem to understand why me and my daughters need alone time... My daughters spend time at their dad's house which gives me the alone time with my step daughters. In order for me to get the time alone with my daughters, my bf and I have to arrange it. And usually what happens is my 6 yr old step daughter throws a fit and I end up taking her with me when it is supposed to be alone time for my girls. Thats where my bf should step in but he doesnt. I guess what im trying to say is that I feel guilty that I spend more time with my stepkids rather then my own. 

KnowItAll
by Silver Member on May. 25, 2013 at 11:35 AM
1 mom liked this
It really sounds like your relationship isn't working. Move out. Take control of your life. You don't have to break up. Just step back.
AmericanDream
by Gold Member on May. 25, 2013 at 11:36 AM
2 moms liked this

I'm assuming they were together until she passed away?  

If that is the case then I think that you are being insecure.  Sorry to be blunt but he loved her.  They got married and had a family together.  They lost her way sooner than I am sure any of them ever thought possible.  She's gone but he will probably always love her.  If you cannot deal with that fact then you should probably reconsider the relationship. I think it would be incredibly cruel to ask him to remove that picture of his wedding day.  A naked pic above the bed? Sure.  His wedding picture from his wife that passed away? No.

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