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I try to maintain positivity ....

Posted by on May. 26, 2013 at 9:34 AM
  • 13 Replies
But BM is just out of control.

I have tried to maintain the though process that bm is semi sane and would never do anything to hurt sd.. I guess I was wrong.

Friday bm texts and says sd is sick and shed rather just keep her home. The nurovirus is going around like crazy so dh agreed. However my papa is in town and my family had a get together yesterday..

Grandpa his 5 kids tgeir spouses their 13 kids and their spouses and the 22 great grandkids all in one place.. so dh texts bm and asks if sd is feeling better and bm says to pick her up..

While there sd asks if she can spend the weekend with us. Its dhs weekend and holiday so dh calls bm its a fight but she gives in... while hes on the phone about 100 feet from sd.. sd tells my sister in law that her mom is going to say no. She says no everytime sd wants to stay at daddies house. All this time we seriously thought sd didnt want to come over..

Then when we walk through the door at home at 845 last night sd asks to call her mom and say goodnight. Dh yawned on the phone and bm yelled at him that he shouldnt be on the phone if hes receiving sexual favors. .. um honey men are not supposed to yawn when you do those things lol

Then she starts telling at dh because sd hadnt had a bath yet.. we JUST walksd through the door.. so dh told her to pick her fight with someone else and hung up on her. Sd walked in the room at that point and started apologizing for telling ger mom she didnt have a bath yet.. dh talked to her and told her that she doesnt have to apologize for her moms behavior.

Then sd says that her kommy said that we didnt pick her up yesterday because we went out to dinner with ds and didnt want her to go.

1 we didnt go out to dinner
2 bm told us sd was sick.. sd said she wasnt sick

Why would you tell your child lies that hurts their relationship with their dad..

Ugh.. okay vent over
by on May. 26, 2013 at 9:34 AM
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Replies (1-10):
Polkadotted
by Gold Member on May. 26, 2013 at 9:47 AM
:( poor kiddo
Leigh84
by Gold Member on May. 26, 2013 at 11:43 AM
Poor kid. It's sad that her moms seems to want to put her in the middle.
amanda_mom89
by Gold Member on May. 26, 2013 at 12:05 PM

Poor kid. How old is she? 

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amanda_mom89
by Gold Member on May. 26, 2013 at 12:21 PM

I just keep thinking about this. It's something I've dealt with too to a degree. SD keeps telling us that BM told her DH is taking her away from her mama. I keep telling her that she will always have her mama and her daddy. That they just have to share their time with her.

I feel so bad for SD and it burns me up that someone would stoop that low to say that kind of stuff to a child. 

I don't think it even crosses these women's minds that when they start trying to manipulate their kid's feelings..it hurts them. 

It doesn't hurt DH personally when he hears SD say stuff like that. But it upsets him for SD. Why upset a 4 year old like that?

I don't really have any advice..just wanted to tell you that I get where you're coming from.

aeELE
by Silver Member on May. 26, 2013 at 12:24 PM

That is so sad! Your poor SD, your poor DH, really it's terrible for all of you.  

At least you know the score now, and hopefully your DH will be able to do something about it. 

Tinkerbellmama
by Platinum Member on May. 26, 2013 at 12:41 PM

We went through YEARS of this with BM.

When I was pregnant, especially with DD6 and DD5 (because they were girls), BM would tell SD, "Daddy isn't going to love you anymore because he's having a new daughter." And crap like that.

At exchanges BM would tell SD things like, "I need you with me to be happy. It makes mommy sad when you're happy to see daddy." So that SD would start crying and BM could say, "OH, she doesn't want to go with you, she's scared."

Seriously, SD suffered 9 years of emotional and psychological abuse at the hands of her own mother all because BM wanted to somehow hurt DH. It never hurt DH in the way BM wanted, it broke his freaking heart that he had made a child with someone who cares so little about keeping his child safe and loved.

SD has been in therapy for the last almost 6 months and it's really helped. Plus, now we have all the proof we'll ever need to make sure BM will never get the chance to hurt SD like that again. 


Quoting amanda_mom89:

I just keep thinking about this. It's something I've dealt with too to a degree. SD keeps telling us that BM told her DH is taking her away from her mama. I keep telling her that she will always have her mama and her daddy. That they just have to share their time with her.

I feel so bad for SD and it burns me up that someone would stoop that low to say that kind of stuff to a child. 

I don't think it even crosses these women's minds that when they start trying to manipulate their kid's feelings..it hurts them. 

It doesn't hurt DH personally when he hears SD say stuff like that. But it upsets him for SD. Why upset a 4 year old like that?

I don't really have any advice..just wanted to tell you that I get where you're coming from.



amanda_mom89
by Gold Member on May. 26, 2013 at 12:46 PM


BM did that on the phone with SD one night. Got her all upset. Just kept repeating that she missed her and she was lonely without her and she needed her. Kept tearing up. Well SD started crying and saying she missed BM. BM said "well do you want to come back home early?" SD didn't answer so BM said "give your daddy the phone." She asked DH if he wanted SD to come back to her early since she was so upset. DH said no, that she hadn't been that way until she got on the phone with BM. 

I mean, of course she misses BM when she's with us. But she doesn't cry. She'll just make a comment like "I'm gonna show my mama I can do this when I see her!"

BM got mad and said that she guessed he was just fine with making her daughter miserable and keeping her even though she didn't want to stay there. Poor SD was caught in the middle and just upset. Took her 30 before she was interested in eating her dinner. 

It's really sickening.

Quoting Tinkerbellmama:

We went through YEARS of this with BM.

When I was pregnant, especially with DD6 and DD5 (because they were girls), BM would tell SD, "Daddy isn't going to love you anymore because he's having a new daughter." And crap like that.

At exchanges BM would tell SD things like, "I need you with me to be happy. It makes mommy sad when you're happy to see daddy." So that SD would start crying and BM could say, "OH, she doesn't want to go with you, she's scared."

Seriously, SD suffered 9 years of emotional and psychological abuse at the hands of her own mother all because BM wanted to somehow hurt DH. It never hurt DH in the way BM wanted, it broke his freaking heart that he had made a child with someone who cares so little about keeping his child safe and loved.

SD has been in therapy for the last almost 6 months and it's really helped. Plus, now we have all the proof we'll ever need to make sure BM will never get the chance to hurt SD like that again. 


Quoting amanda_mom89:

I just keep thinking about this. It's something I've dealt with too to a degree. SD keeps telling us that BM told her DH is taking her away from her mama. I keep telling her that she will always have her mama and her daddy. That they just have to share their time with her.

I feel so bad for SD and it burns me up that someone would stoop that low to say that kind of stuff to a child. 

I don't think it even crosses these women's minds that when they start trying to manipulate their kid's feelings..it hurts them. 

It doesn't hurt DH personally when he hears SD say stuff like that. But it upsets him for SD. Why upset a 4 year old like that?

I don't really have any advice..just wanted to tell you that I get where you're coming from.





shanlee42
by on May. 26, 2013 at 12:48 PM
I'm sorry that I can't remember this but do they have a CO? Sounds like it's time to get one if they don't ir start enforcing the one they have.

Always tell SD the truth about these things when they come up and make sure she knows you guys do want to see her.

I feel bad for her. She is really stuck in the middle.

Tinkerbellmama
by Platinum Member on May. 26, 2013 at 1:39 PM

The second SD was away from BM she would INSTANTLY be fine. She wouldn't cry again the entire visit.

The worst part is that BM went from THAT behavior, to neglecting to see SD or contact SD at all. The last 11 months BM has contacted SD 5 times (3 times via text and twice via phone), and has only seen her once a month. This last time she went 5 weeks before contact and 7 weeks between visits.

Poor SD is still really confused by it all. The other day she said, "I want to make my mom a thank you present." I asked, "Thank you for what?"  And SD replied, "Well, trying her best to hang out with me when she can." I didn't know what to say, because both SD and I know that BM has not tried her best, but I don't want to be the one to point it out to SD. I KNOW she knows the truth, but SD doesn't want anyone to think poorly of BM (probably comes from BM's mom always speaking poorly about BM and BM and BM's mom always saying bad things about DH and I).

It made me SO sad for SD! BM hasn't tried. BM has lied to SD about when she's working and what she's doing. At one point BM's mom told SD that BM had lied to her about her days off, that BM had had the entire weekend off, but wanted to go out rather than spend time with SD. Poor SD was SO upset.

I just do what I can to make sure SD know that she has a lot of people who love her, and she can talk to her counselor about anything in the world that she wants. And that any conversation between her and her counselor are 100% private unless SD says it's OK to share information with someone. 


Quoting amanda_mom89:


BM did that on the phone with SD one night. Got her all upset. Just kept repeating that she missed her and she was lonely without her and she needed her. Kept tearing up. Well SD started crying and saying she missed BM. BM said "well do you want to come back home early?" SD didn't answer so BM said "give your daddy the phone." She asked DH if he wanted SD to come back to her early since she was so upset. DH said no, that she hadn't been that way until she got on the phone with BM. 

I mean, of course she misses BM when she's with us. But she doesn't cry. She'll just make a comment like "I'm gonna show my mama I can do this when I see her!"

BM got mad and said that she guessed he was just fine with making her daughter miserable and keeping her even though she didn't want to stay there. Poor SD was caught in the middle and just upset. Took her 30 before she was interested in eating her dinner. 

It's really sickening.

Quoting Tinkerbellmama:

We went through YEARS of this with BM.

When I was pregnant, especially with DD6 and DD5 (because they were girls), BM would tell SD, "Daddy isn't going to love you anymore because he's having a new daughter." And crap like that.

At exchanges BM would tell SD things like, "I need you with me to be happy. It makes mommy sad when you're happy to see daddy." So that SD would start crying and BM could say, "OH, she doesn't want to go with you, she's scared."

Seriously, SD suffered 9 years of emotional and psychological abuse at the hands of her own mother all because BM wanted to somehow hurt DH. It never hurt DH in the way BM wanted, it broke his freaking heart that he had made a child with someone who cares so little about keeping his child safe and loved.

SD has been in therapy for the last almost 6 months and it's really helped. Plus, now we have all the proof we'll ever need to make sure BM will never get the chance to hurt SD like that again. 


Quoting amanda_mom89:

I just keep thinking about this. It's something I've dealt with too to a degree. SD keeps telling us that BM told her DH is taking her away from her mama. I keep telling her that she will always have her mama and her daddy. That they just have to share their time with her.

I feel so bad for SD and it burns me up that someone would stoop that low to say that kind of stuff to a child. 

I don't think it even crosses these women's minds that when they start trying to manipulate their kid's feelings..it hurts them. 

It doesn't hurt DH personally when he hears SD say stuff like that. But it upsets him for SD. Why upset a 4 year old like that?

I don't really have any advice..just wanted to tell you that I get where you're coming from.







....ClvrScn.
by on May. 26, 2013 at 2:21 PM
Thanks ladies. Sd is 5 and there is a court order. Dh said hes going to start enforcing it. Sd is fine within 10 minutes of leaving bm. Its sad because shes not hurting dh shes just irritating him. She is hurting sd.

I dont know whats goin to happen once the baby is born but I expect this to just keep getting worse.
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