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Worst Weekend of My Life

Posted by on May. 27, 2013 at 7:20 AM
  • 36 Replies

New to this forum, but I am in desperate need of support.  I just had the worst weekend of my married life as a stepmom.  My 20 yr old SD came to visit and was supposed to be here to help us while we pack for a move and help watch our 3 yr old whom the SD has shown little interest in since her birth.  I have had past negative experiences with the SD, but this one has caused massive marital problems leaving me questioning the future for me and husband.  I picked up the house phone to call my  husband and heard the SD telling my husband's x and her mom, lies about me and my 3 year old.  Of course, she lied about it and when I confronted her about lying about the phone call, she called me a horrible mother and my child a loser.  She then proceeded to tell my husband more lies, which he believed and he confronted me hostily about her lies.  I told him she was lying but he clearly took her side.  SD also had an outburst in front of my 3 yr old calling me a F----- B----/  The two of them proceeded to have a great time together for the duration of her stay, while I had to fade away into the background and avoid the SD.  Thank goodness for the guesthouse or I don't think I could have survived the weekend.  This is not the first time my husband has sided with his children when they are dishonest.  It has truly made me question our relationship and whether or not I can be a part of this family.  Please help.  I spent most of the weekend crying, feeling ill, massive insomnia and anxiety over our future as a family unit.  The SD leaves today, but we are left here to pick up the pieces.  Help!

by on May. 27, 2013 at 7:20 AM
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Replies (1-10):
chanizen
by Platinum Member on May. 27, 2013 at 7:33 AM
7 moms liked this

Your husband is a jerk.  I wouldn't tolerate that mess.  I would be packed unless he agreed to counselling.

As for  a teen isn't going to be miles over the moon for a half sibling necessarily.  But she would not be welcome in my home if she was going to speak badly about me.  I would suggest my dh take his visits elsewhere or I would simply leave when hs kids visited if he was planning to allow that behavior.

Judith84
by on May. 27, 2013 at 7:44 AM

Thanks.  I think much ado has been made about the fact that I was eavesdropping which deflected the SD's behavior.  I wasn't eavesdropping in the classic sense and it was completely unintentional, what drew me in when I picked up the phone was I heard mine and my child's name, of course I listened, wrong, I know, but I admit I did.  What followed was a pack of lies.  This SD is the most manipulative person I know.  All her years in therapy have paid off-she knows how to work a lie and man is she goooood.  Thanks Chanizen.  I agree with your suggestions.  Whenever these situations happen, my husband threatens me with custodial bullying.  He is an govt. attorney and I know I would get creamed legally in the child custody arena. 

leegirl_jm
by Ruby Member on May. 27, 2013 at 8:31 AM
1 mom liked this

Never ignore bad behaviour when it first occurs, the first time opened the door for this weekend's repeat with your husband and his daughter. I agree, get some marriage counselling, his behaviour was totally unacceptable.

Judith84
by on May. 27, 2013 at 8:38 AM

I just spoke with my husband about this as he was on his way out the door to take SD to airport (thankfully!!).  I reminded him that both of his childlren have been allowed to treat me this way since day one.  His response:  "What was I supposed to do?" "Kick her out?"  "I'm not going to ignore and do nothing with her while she is here."  Ugh-to which I had no response...I guess I wanted her to get the message that he was very upset by her lies, outbursts and disrespect.  That is why I am so disappointed in him.  We do need counseling.  I agree.

 

sarawags
by on May. 27, 2013 at 9:26 AM
2 moms liked this

I'm so sorry, he is acting like a child and not at all like a husband - by allowing his children to manipulate him so easily like this he is setting himself up for an extremely ugly future with them.

This is not how kids who respect their Dad treat him.  This is not how a Dad who desires to give his daughter a healthy example for her own marriage someday treats his wife.

xoxo

Birdseed
by Platinum Member on May. 27, 2013 at 9:27 AM
1 mom liked this

I agree with counseling.  He threw you under the bus.  Sounds like he's uncomfortable with confrontation when it comes to his kids. 

Sorry you had a rough weekend.  


lisa37743
by on May. 27, 2013 at 9:44 AM
2 moms liked this

She is an adult, so yeah, once she disrespected you and a 3 year old (seriously, what can she possibly get out of making stuff up about a baby?) she should have been out the door. Plane doesn't leave for 2 more days, too stinking bad. That's one thing I got to hand DH, he may have let the steps get away with being butts to me, but once it came to the other kids, no way. But the steps have generally been great with the kids and love them and I feel they would protect my kids with their lives. 

sarawags
by on May. 27, 2013 at 9:51 AM

Same here - 

Quoting lisa37743:

She is an adult, so yeah, once she disrespected you and a 3 year old (seriously, what can she possibly get out of making stuff up about a baby?) she should have been out the door. Plane doesn't leave for 2 more days, too stinking bad. That's one thing I got to hand DH, he may have let the steps get away with being butts to me, but once it came to the other kids, no way. But the steps have generally been great with the kids and love them and I feel they would protect my kids with their lives. 



sarawags
by on May. 27, 2013 at 9:55 AM
1 mom liked this

He owes you and your little 3 year old together a HUGE apology followed up by a letter to his daughter that establishes the boundaries he has not been having with her so far in order to ensure that all of you are treated with respect from her.

Also as many have stated here - find a good counselor for the two of you who has a strong background in step family issues - if they don't they might not "get" it enough to be of real help.

Judith84
by on May. 27, 2013 at 10:27 AM
1 mom liked this

Ladies,

Thanks to all for your thoughtful responses.  I truthfully felt so low all weekend. It's amazing how you can find more support from total strangers than from your own husband.  Sad isn't it?   It was incredible how the SD was able to turn the tables on me and make me out to be the bully and the one who was lying. IT told me alot about my marriage. Today we are supposed to take our 3 year old on a picnic when he gets back from the airport, but truthfully, I have lost so much respect for him over this that I don't even want to go, but will for our little one.  I am thankful for the support of you strong women-thanks for making me feel a little less weak.

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