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A piece of advice to Custodial Fiances

Posted by on May. 29, 2013 at 3:55 PM
  • 33 Replies
1 mom liked this

IF YOU ARE NOT MARRIED AND ARE STILL UNSURE ABOUT BEING A FULL TIME MOM DO YOURSELF A FAVOR AND LEAVE... I've fought with this decision for way to long. I have no regrets and I can say that I gave it my best shot, but I was so unhappy raising another woman's child. I'm too young, and have yet to have afamily of my own. I refuse to take care of someone's one night stand on a full time basis.... I just had to get that out. And for YOU, yes you teetering with one foot in and one foot out, save yourself, and GO! Get a therapist, talk it over, yes it will hurt, yes you will miss them, BUT you have a fresh start and an opportunity to write your own story book. You have a CHANCE.. You have a chance to not be bitter an resentful, and deal with a little human being who actually really needs their moms and dads, and someone you will never fully "get".. Love yourself enough to know when to throw in the cards. This one forum has saved me so many imes, and I'm so happy that it was here. I have lost ove 40 lbs since I broke it off, and I feel sad at times, but I know that the next go round it will be MY choice!! Good luck Stepmommies, Biomoms, and Custodial Stepmoms!!

by on May. 29, 2013 at 3:55 PM
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Replies (1-10):
sandeeyo
by Le Bonjour Chat on May. 29, 2013 at 3:58 PM

Wow!  I wish you luck on the journey of your new life.

packermomof2
by on May. 29, 2013 at 5:52 PM
1 mom liked this

You wouldn't be a full time mom if you stayed.


tazlover01
by Member on May. 29, 2013 at 5:56 PM

It's very empowering to do what's best for you. And you sound like you truly didn't want this experience. Glad you're out.

leegirl_jm
by Ruby Member on May. 29, 2013 at 6:08 PM
1 mom liked this

The child isn't yours so there is no reason to become a full-time Mom to a stepchild, if Dad can't handle it, he needs to figure it out, but it doesn't become your problem.

saywhat2102
by Gold Member on May. 29, 2013 at 6:14 PM
2 moms liked this
It is what you make of it. I knew getting married I would become a csm. I did and still do love my life. My marriage and my relationship with my fav lil dude is awesome:-)

True, this shit ain't for everyone and if you have the doubts, delay and work out "issues" or walk.
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nikkib2012
by on May. 29, 2013 at 6:45 PM
Right!! I tell you I was a full time mom with a full time job! It wasn't for me. The rushing to get her to school and the rushing to pick her up because dad had to work, ugh it took me to a limit that I became soooo unhappy...and it wasn't my problem yes, but it came with the package. So women who say, oh you're not a full time mom etc, I have to beg the differ. I wish things could have worked out, but I've never been lighter and drama free as I have been since I'm no longer in the house. Granted we still talk and are sweet to each other, what came with all that sweetness was a handful of sour.. I didn't want to taste that sour taste anymore. It's not so easy to brush it off and say its dads responsibility because he becomes resentful towards YOU for no helping! Been there done that, it's not a natural thing. This is not how a family works, at least for me. I just thought I'd share my two cents to women considering it. I have raised her since she was one to three yes and I have only said yes to the engagement ring and not to a marriage yet!! There is a reason behind that. In no way shape or form do I want a blended family, no offense to those who have working, lovable situations. I want my own and this is my advice to those who have not married into it yet. Choose wisely
leegirl_jm
by Ruby Member on May. 29, 2013 at 6:49 PM
2 moms liked this

Any stepmother can end up a CSM so it is something all SMs need to consider and decide before the marriage whether they can handle both roles.

KnowItAll
by Silver Member on May. 29, 2013 at 7:48 PM

I'm glad my DH didn't feel that way when he married me.  :/

Happily Married | BM to DD13  DD13  DD12 | Mom to DS7 & DS4 | CP | Not a SM

momof2ex1
by Ruby Member on May. 29, 2013 at 7:53 PM
Lol me too but in all honesty if he truly could not have handled it I would have preferred him to just leave and let me have the chance to find someone else that could. I don't believe that there is only one person for anyone. There is someone but divorce made me cynical... I thought that someone was the only man for me. Well he proved me wrong. There is someone for everyone. No need to settle and be miserable.

Good job Op for taking control of your life and making it better for you.


Quoting KnowItAll:

I'm glad my DH didn't feel that way when he married me.  :/


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sarawags
by on May. 29, 2013 at 7:55 PM

Seriously though - there really should be a extremely predominately placed stickier post here for women dating a single dad - cue them in on what they're in for if they choose to continue on with relationship from the start - win, win, for everyone really - realistic expectations for the stayers and hopefully scare of the ones it's not meant for to begin with. 

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