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How often should I call SS while he's visiting BM in June

Posted by on May. 29, 2013 at 4:19 PM
  • 43 Replies

My SS and I are very close and he will visit BM for 4 weeks for the first time this year. How often would it be appropriate for me to call him? If it was up to me I would want to talk to him every day, but I don't want to interrupt their time constantly or make them think I'm checking on them. Is every few days ok?

by on May. 29, 2013 at 4:19 PM
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smarterthanyou
by on May. 29, 2013 at 4:28 PM
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 as a bm, i don't think it's appropriate for smom to call schild on bm's time.

i think you should let the child contact you.

PumpkinSpice8
by Silver Member on May. 29, 2013 at 4:33 PM
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Well, unless you have a fabulous friend relationship with BM, I also would let the child call you or have DH hand the phone to you after he's done talking. I don't think a SM calling her SK on BMs time would go over well normally.
Tigress22304
by Ruby Member on May. 29, 2013 at 4:48 PM

Ask BM. 

I'm a SM and I'm allowed to contact my stepkids whenever I want when they're with their mother.

packermomof2
by on May. 29, 2013 at 5:50 PM

I'm a mom and wouldn't let sm call my kids to check up on them when they are with me.

WifeyC
by Platinum Member on May. 29, 2013 at 6:08 PM
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Talk to him when Dad calls.

RMCmata
by Member on May. 29, 2013 at 6:26 PM
Completely agree!


Quoting PumpkinSpice8:

Well, unless you have a fabulous friend relationship with BM, I also would let the child call you or have DH hand the phone to you after he's done talking. I don't think a SM calling her SK on BMs time would go over well normally.


Derdriu
by Gold Member on May. 29, 2013 at 6:32 PM
1 mom liked this
Let your DH call. I assume he will want to check in with his kids from time to time, and he can always hand the phone off to you for a few minutes chit chat.
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jules2boys
by Platinum Member on May. 29, 2013 at 6:54 PM

How old is SS?  Is he old enough to even WANT to talk on the phone (to you or to anyone)? 

Either talk to BM and ask HER if she's ok with this, and if so, what would be a good time for you to call, or ask her to have him call you if she's ok with  the communication while her son is with her.  Or, talk to him when DH does, and if DH doesn't, then you don't, regardless of how close you feel you are. 

As a BM, I wouldn't let SM call my boys (but they wouldn't talk to her if she did anyway, she's never tried to talk to them when BF used to call either so this wasn't our issue).  The only vacation BF took the boys on, that was the first time they'd been away from me for more than 2 nights in a row.  I told BF that I wanted to talk to them each day but I did NOT want to interrupt his day with them or have to guess if it was the end of their day or not (they went to FL, Disneyworld). So, I asked him to let the boys call ME each evening when they were going to bed.  When one was brushing his teeth, the other could talk to me.  Total time was about 4 minutes (they're boys and one wasn't all about talking, one was! LOL) and this way I wasn't interrupting anything.  At first BF didn't want to do this (I'd purchased a cell phone for ODS to use and have YDS use too, for emergencies and to call me when necessary.  Not just for this trip but this was part of the reason I got the phone for him, a phone BF didn't pay for - still doesn't pay for) because he thought I wanted to 'check up on him/them'.  I didn't, I simply wanted to hear my kids voices and say goodnight, and hear a little about their day.  After the 2nd night BF relaxed when he realized I didn't do the talking, the boys did.  It was brief, but this way they went to sleep easier for him because we (boys and I) did our normal bedtime routine on the phone and they relaxed and went to sleep for him.  I felt better and so did they.  (When I take them on vacation each year he's free to call them on their cell phones at ANY time, I don't restrict it to bedtime for him.  I wasn't asking anything of him that I didn't allow him to do too.)   But, again, BF and I are the boys parents, not steps.  However, if BM doesn't have a problem with you calling SS, perhaps something like at bedtime would work for her?  End of the day, not interrupting their activities?  Or perhaps even first thing in the morning?   But, ultimately, unless your relationship with BM is really good, I wouldn't expect to speak to SS for those 4 weeks very often. 

sthflachk
by on May. 29, 2013 at 7:00 PM
This....in our CO my ex can call every weekday between 6 and 8 and 2 Skype convos a week all year. My dd is going to spend 3.5 weeks with him this summer....Damn straight I'm calling and skyping while she's gone.

What does your dh's CO say....as a BM I would say to follow that...but let dh call if ss doesn't have his own phone.



Quoting casseopeia:

Usually CO's include a set time of day for calls.  My SO can call his daughter anytime from 6 to 7 pm.  Maybe set up a regular call time so he can listen for it.  I actually think something closer to bedtime is better to wish him sweet dreams and tell you that you love him.

saywhat2102
by Gold Member on May. 29, 2013 at 7:12 PM
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Just remember kids has short attention spans lol. If the child wants to call trust he will and his mother will make it so.

The last thing you want is to catch him in the middle of something fun and then him getting all sad cause he does miss you and your husband.

If your husband and his ex have days and times set up to call then go by that. Anything else is gravy! Lol ;-) You will miss him but its all gonna be alright:-)
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