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Why Am I The Villian?

Posted by on May. 29, 2013 at 5:09 PM
  • 23 Replies

Hello,

I have been dating a man for a year & a half.  I have three children (20, 15 & 11) & he has four (25, 24, two 8 year olds with different women).  While my sons are courteous & respectful towards my bf, his younger ones look at me like cometition for his attention.  His oldest daughter is mentally disabled & doesn't speak to me at all. 

If my sons say or do something disrespectful, we both correct them & the behavior stops.  If I tell him that his kids were disrespectful, he accuses me of not liking them, stating that I look for them to do something wrong just to get them in trouble.  Example, my younger son teased his son when he was being disciplined & my bf told my son never to do that again, plus I had his back.  His son went into my bag, took a toy & walked away.  When I told him to put the toy back, my bf says to his son, don't touch her stuff you know how she is. 

He recently told me we can't get married.  I learned from my pastor that his reason for ending our relationship is because he claims I hate his children & do not accept them.  Right now, I'm upset & heartbroken that he feels this way.  All I want is for his kids to respect me like my kids respect him.  Why am I the bad guy when I bring his kids' bad behavior to light?

by on May. 29, 2013 at 5:09 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Derdriu
by Gold Member on May. 29, 2013 at 5:16 PM
2 moms liked this

He did you a favor.  Now go find a guy who's willing to invest in a partner.

myprettypoly
by on May. 29, 2013 at 5:20 PM
It sounds like there's underlying issues and he's just making up an excuse. I would ask for a mediation with your minister... not for him to exchange messages but the 3 of you sit down and try to hash it out. If it truly is a "kids playing you against each other..." bring them into a second session.
If he refuses then cut your losses, you dont need a man who is going to use you as a doormat and allow his children to rule the roost.
gkdgrammie
by on May. 29, 2013 at 5:23 PM
1 mom liked this

Oh I am so sorry, I am going thru some of the very same issues, it hurts, it breaks your heart. I wished I had the answers for you, however, I dont. Someone replied and told me, that the "biological pull" is the greatest of all, and I would have to agree. To some parents they cant see the that their children ever do anything wrong, and DISRESPECT is wrong, plain and simple. I have two grown sons that treat my husband with the utmost respect, but his daughter treats me like scum on the bottom of her shoe. My children were always told, you may not like someone, but if they are in our lives and they are your elders, you have to respect them. Period, no excuses.

And you arent the bad guy, stand your ground, dont end up like me, wondering "what the heck was I thinking"on a daily basis. You have done nothing wrong, it is not wrong to expect respect when it is given to your boyfriend and his children. They dont have to like you, but they do have to respect you and it is the boyfriend who is in the wrong.

Best of luck to you, I pray that your situation works out for the best.

saywhat2102
by Gold Member on May. 29, 2013 at 5:27 PM
3 moms liked this
Well, consider yourself lucky and go find you a man that who has his nuts attached to his body :-)

Your pastor told you? Really? My pastor would have taken that to his grave....he doesn't like gossip.
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baparrot2
by Platinum Member on May. 29, 2013 at 5:31 PM

This man clearly didnt want war between you and his kids.

Tinkerbellmama
by Platinum Member on May. 29, 2013 at 5:31 PM
1 mom liked this

Do you REALLY want to be with someone who thinks it's OK for ANYONE, especially his own children, to treat you like that??

Steamedpuddle30
by Hi, my name is... on May. 29, 2013 at 5:33 PM
2 moms liked this
Hi. I'm sorry you are are going through that. As another poster said,the parents sometimes have "blinds" on to their bio kids. I think someone before has called it bio filters. They only See the wrong in other kids not their own. Which is sad bc you(general) are doing a HUGE did service to your kids.

Your bf didn't do much good either. When you said he said -you know how she is" he totally put you down and he should have said do not get into her purse.

It's really hard and I've had to go through some of this as well. I had to put it in perspective for my dh,but believe me,my dh did the whole,"you pick on my sons!" Type of thing. Then he seem the real truth.

I hope one day he looks back and sees that he missed a good thing and sees how they treat other gf's. I think he should have had your back and at the same time everyone can have respect to some level towards each other.

Consider yourself lucky hun! I know that sucks to say but it's true
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ramita
by Silver Member on May. 29, 2013 at 5:35 PM
Personally I believe he did you AND your kids a BIG favor!!!! It may not seem like it, but I promise you this is for the best!
Steamedpuddle30
by Hi, my name is... on May. 29, 2013 at 5:35 PM
You are the villain bc he made you into one. If he would have just said,son,you don't touch someone's things(your purse) the son would have respected that. IMO. But he gave them lee way to just do stuff that's not right.

I never understood how parents baby thief kids like this. My cousin does this to my kids and it drives me crazy.
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Derdriu
by Gold Member on May. 29, 2013 at 5:45 PM

Just out of curiosity, why did you have to learn the reasoning from the pastor?  Would your boyfriend not communicate with you the reason?

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