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Teaching self-care

Posted by on May. 29, 2013 at 9:48 PM
  • 20 Replies
SD is our oldest girl, she's 12, 13 next month. She's not developmentally almost 13, closer to 9ish or so (depending on the skill/developmental area it's anywhere from 6-10, but overall I'd say 9ish) BM is not super involved, she's supposed to have EOWE, but willingly goes about 5-7 weeks between visits and ins't involved outside of those visits. I taught SD how to shave her legs and arm pits; and she does just fine; and BM didn't have an issue with it. Anyways, we went swimming today and SD had to wear shorts. Her bathing suit fits, but she needs to trim down there. I've never had to talk to anyone about that before. I pretty much taught myself to keep things trimmed up down there. Do I continue to have SD wear shorts with her swim suit? (she doesn't really care, and didn't notice the hair poking out at all). Do I teach her how to trim up? Does DH mention it to BM and wait for BM to teach SD? (BTW: that's what DH did with the period talk, bra shopping, the sex talk, and teaching SD to shave. BM never did any of that, and DH took it upon himself to do it, or we did it together).
by on May. 29, 2013 at 9:48 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Chickenhawk13
by on May. 29, 2013 at 10:58 PM
Yikes. I would never help my sd shave her privates. Dad shouldn't either. If bm won't, get grandma or just keep her in shorts.
Derdriu
by Gold Member on May. 29, 2013 at 11:08 PM
If she does just fine with legs and pits, she'll probably be fine with bikini line. Does she notice it or show any signs of embarrassment? I'd have DH mention it to BM and go from there. Given the history, it'll probably end up back in your court anyway, so be prepared.

The issue with bikini fur would be other kids spotting it and making a scene of it. Wearing shorts avoids that. However, I would think a very brief talk would suffice as instruction since she's already shaving. It's really not that complicated.
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Tinkerbellmama
by Platinum Member on May. 29, 2013 at 11:20 PM

SD and I had a bit of a discussion when she walked out of her room in her bathing suit and I noticed. It was pretty obvious, so we had a quick talk about it and I had her get some shorts on.

She didn't notice, and had no idea that it was something to even be concerned about. But, she does have issues with other kids poking fun at her because she's different :(

She's only shaved once, she did OK; not big issues.

I was thinking we'ld just stick to shorts over her swimsuit for a while, but I wasn't sure.

And we have two more girls to go through all of this with, ugh. 


Quoting Derdriu:

If she does just fine with legs and pits, she'll probably be fine with bikini line. Does she notice it or show any signs of embarrassment? I'd have DH mention it to BM and go from there. Given the history, it'll probably end up back in your court anyway, so be prepared.

The issue with bikini fur would be other kids spotting it and making a scene of it. Wearing shorts avoids that. However, I would think a very brief talk would suffice as instruction since she's already shaving. It's really not that complicated.



Si_si
by on May. 30, 2013 at 12:26 AM
I'd look for boy short swim suits and talk to her since BM is not really involved. Make it light and it will be fine. You obviously love her. She knows that so your caring for her will be appreciated in the long run. Don't worry. Be yourself. Trust in that.
whatIknownow
by on May. 30, 2013 at 7:50 AM
1 mom liked this

I wouldn't involved her mom at all. I'd tell her she needs to shave there or else wear one of the boy-shorts style of bathing suits. 

"Hey SD, that's a really cute bathing suit but you know, the hair at the top of your inner thighs shows. You can shave there, or we can get you a bathing suit where it won't show. Which do you prefer?" 

I think kids her age are oblivious, you really need to point these things out to them. It's unreasonable to expect her to figure all this out on her own.

FloridaMomma
by on May. 30, 2013 at 8:02 AM
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But, I think she needs a little instruction: "SD, when you shave along your bikini line, be sure only to shave in 1 direction (down, not up) do you don't get little bumps." If you don't tell her that, she probably wouldn't know & would end up with razor burn or a rash. :(
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dandymandy273
by on May. 30, 2013 at 8:09 AM

 This, but holy hell that's not a conversation I would look forward to having lol.

Quoting whatIknownow:

I wouldn't involved her mom at all. I'd tell her she needs to shave there or else wear one of the boy-shorts style of bathing suits. 

"Hey SD, that's a really cute bathing suit but you know, the hair at the top of your inner thighs shows. You can shave there, or we can get you a bathing suit where it won't show. Which do you prefer?" 

I think kids her age are oblivious, you really need to point these things out to them. It's unreasonable to expect her to figure all this out on her own.

 

whatIknownow
by on May. 30, 2013 at 8:12 AM


Me neither. I would be awkward but I'd just come right out with it and get it over with. It would be awkward to have with a biological daughter as well. 

Quoting dandymandy273:

 This, but holy hell that's not a conversation I would look forward to having lol.

Quoting whatIknownow:

I wouldn't involved her mom at all. I'd tell her she needs to shave there or else wear one of the boy-shorts style of bathing suits. 

"Hey SD, that's a really cute bathing suit but you know, the hair at the top of your inner thighs shows. You can shave there, or we can get you a bathing suit where it won't show. Which do you prefer?" 

I think kids her age are oblivious, you really need to point these things out to them. It's unreasonable to expect her to figure all this out on her own.

 



dandymandy273
by on May. 30, 2013 at 8:20 AM
2 moms liked this

 Yes, that is very true. Brings a whole new meaning to the saying "No beating around the bush" about it. BWAA HA HA HA!

Quoting whatIknownow:

 

Me neither. I would be awkward but I'd just come right out with it and get it over with. It would be awkward to have with a biological daughter as well. 

Quoting dandymandy273:

 This, but holy hell that's not a conversation I would look forward to having lol.

Quoting whatIknownow:

I wouldn't involved her mom at all. I'd tell her she needs to shave there or else wear one of the boy-shorts style of bathing suits. 

"Hey SD, that's a really cute bathing suit but you know, the hair at the top of your inner thighs shows. You can shave there, or we can get you a bathing suit where it won't show. Which do you prefer?" 

I think kids her age are oblivious, you really need to point these things out to them. It's unreasonable to expect her to figure all this out on her own.

 

 

 

 

Amy1973Potts
by on May. 30, 2013 at 8:52 AM
I'm pretty sure I won't have to deal with that BUT I did have to deal with the seven year olds question in a restaurants bathroom last week (they just opened and the three of us dashed in ladies room to pee) about the tampon dispenser and WHAT WERE TAMPONS.... Oh shit I almost burst out laughing but tap danced around that (only bc BM would most likely sue me for giving any kind of age appropriate answer...plus its not my place) and wait....it gets better.

After lunch, the four year old gets violently ill, and starts puking in a bucket in car on way home. She is a puker. Always has been. And so I pull over, totally oblivious to what I pulled over in front OF.

Missy Piggys XXX Videos and Toy Emporium. I shit u not. FML. My day witth the kids went on facebook. I got 60 likes. Only me.....
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