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WWYD??

Posted by on May. 31, 2013 at 3:18 PM
  • 1 Replies

I had a long talk with SD11 last night since she was in a funk because of her rapidly changing relationship with BM. BM moved here from out of state just a month ago, and like a lot of kids with a long distant parent SD had adored her mother and was super excited that her BM would be so close. SD had always talked about how Bm was like her BFF or a big sister. Well, things changed pretty quick after she got here, the first week was great for SD, the second she was already "used" to having her mom around, the third she was pulling away from her and then this week she even told me she wishes BM never moved here. Yes, SD is known to be a drama queen so I take everything she says with a BIG grain of salt, but last night she was genuinely distraught. She felt like BM was overbearing and "paranid" and did not trust her or give her any personal space, she gave several examples of things that BM had done that has upset her. Now just to clarify, the arrangement right now is that the skids go with BM during the day when DH and I work and then are with us in the evening and overnight on weeknights, and we switch EOWE. So SD has spent quite a bit of time with BM since she has been here, esspecially compared to her being LD before.

Anyway, my concern is that DH and I know BM pretty well and we know that she is bipolar and can tend to be legitimately paranoid about a lot of things. Since she has moved here she has told us that she is scared of her neighborhood thinks that a lot of bad things are happening. But she lives fairly close to us and this entire suburban area is very safe and we have never had an issue. SD is clearly very upest about being smothered by BM (she said  BM follows her around when she walks into the front yard) and I think it's really hurting their relationship. I talked to DH and he agrees that it she has gone a little too far but neither of us know what we can do to help. SD has told me that in order to appease her mother she feels like she has to just do nothing (not hang out with friends or leave the house) when she is with BM. BM gets along with me and DH (mostly) so she may be open to listening to us but she also can be very defensive. So, WWYD in this sitch? I am really feeling bad for SD because I know she wants to be close with her mom but this is making it very difficult.

by on May. 31, 2013 at 3:18 PM
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OvrMyHead
by on May. 31, 2013 at 4:53 PM

 I feel like SD has to work this out with her mom.  Since her mom has been LD they need to reestablish their relationship and her mom's parenting style.  Its an adjustment, for both of them.  If the environment with BM is unbearable or dangerous then you should get involved.

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