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Is it okay for me to attend SS preschool graduation?

Posted by on Jun. 3, 2013 at 7:29 PM
  • 170 Replies

I need a little advice.  Is it okay for me to attend SS preschool graduation? 

I am a CSM and have a close relationship with my SS and I am typically present or involved with his activities.  BM hasn't been very open to my presence, and is often inconsistent and uninvolved with activities.  So, usually when she shows interest or participates I step back.  I want her to be there for him and usually, when she comes around I get hopeful that she'll become more consistent.  I also keep hoping that as time continues BM will begin to focus on applauding & celebrating SS's accomplishments and perhaps be less threatened by my relationship with SS and accept my presence.  I don't think we're there yet.  His mom is planning on attending which I think is great, but she's made some comments to DH about not wanting me there.   

More recently SS seems very aware if I miss an activity and seems hurt.  I missed 2 of his soccer practices because I had business trips and he was not a happy camper.  So, I don't want to disappoint him by not attending his celebration.  He's excited and expects me to be there.  

He attends a preschool/ daycare center.  I paid the full tuition throughout his enrollment, both on DH time as well as her time.   

I don't want to miss it.  Should I step back or should she step up?

by on Jun. 3, 2013 at 7:29 PM
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Replies (1-10):
packermomof2
by on Jun. 3, 2013 at 7:36 PM
1 mom liked this

I'm not answering if you should go or not...but you paying doesn't necessarily buy your way in.

lanceandhailey
by Member on Jun. 3, 2013 at 7:39 PM
1 mom liked this
You should go for him.
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mamaninny
by New Member on Jun. 3, 2013 at 7:42 PM
3 moms liked this
YES! GO! If SS and DH want you there that should be enough reason to go. Don't worry about what or how BM thinks or feels.You can't and shouldn't have to tip toe around her and her feelings all the time. If she chooses not to go because you are there then that is on Her NOT you!
Frustrated10
by Bronze Member on Jun. 3, 2013 at 7:48 PM
2 moms liked this

I don't see why not! You are the custodial step parent. Your ss wouldn't understand if you missed it. I think the best thing to do in situations like this is ask yourself what is in the childs best interest and then do that. If we all just keep in mind that this is about the child and not about the parents, the step parents or the ex spouses, the children will always end up on the positive side of life.

Boobear110
by Audra on Jun. 3, 2013 at 8:03 PM
1 mom liked this

Yes you should go. It's a big deal to your SS that you are there. 

I never miss my SD occasions if I can help it. She wants me there so I am. 

Doodle39
by Bronze Member on Jun. 3, 2013 at 8:06 PM


I agree, that's why it's low on the list of details. 

Quoting packermomof2:

I'm not answering if you should go or not...but you paying doesn't necessarily buy your way in.



Lurion
by on Jun. 3, 2013 at 8:08 PM

OP Sorry if you've already answered in previous post--have a few questions.

You are the custodial household? What is the timeshare? 

What does who pays for the daycare have to do with anything?

Is this something your husband could be talking to the mother about? 

What is the mother's discomfort? Have you tried to talk to her? Your negativity toward her drips through the post. :) 

Do you plan not to attend anything for the next 14 years if she's uncomfortable? lol 

In reference to the quote below--I truly believe that in most cases, the parents and stepparents all honestly believe they are keeping the child's best interests at heart. But they disagree as to what that is. 


Quoting Frustrated10:

I don't see why not! You are the custodial step parent. Your ss wouldn't understand if you missed it. I think the best thing to do in situations like this is ask yourself what is in the childs best interest and then do that. If we all just keep in mind that this is about the child and not about the parents, the step parents or the ex spouses, the children will always end up on the positive side of life.



Doodle39
by Bronze Member on Jun. 3, 2013 at 8:12 PM

Ideally I want her to be able to focus on him.   I want us all to be able to be there.  On the other hand she's been known to cause drama and I don't want to put him in a situation where things are uncomfortable. 

Quoting mamaninny:

YES! GO! If SS and DH want you there that should be enough reason to go. Don't worry about what or how BM thinks or feels.You can't and shouldn't have to tip toe around her and her feelings all the time. If she chooses not to go because you are there then that is on Her NOT you!



Doodle39
by Bronze Member on Jun. 3, 2013 at 8:58 PM
2 moms liked this

The CO is 80/20 but, 90/10 is a more accurate representation of the active schedule.  My DH does all the communicating.  I'm not sure where her discomfort stems from. I've only met her a few times.  The first couple of times she was hostile and aggressive, which is not really my style.  However, this doesn't seem to be personal.  It's more about how she handles things.  My husband and I have offered to meet with her to give her an opportunity to meet me. You hear negativity, I feel more tired than negative.  Maybe even sad.  I feel like far too much adult emotional baggage gets placed on SS.  As for attending events, I guess I do plan on celebrating this beautiful little guy every step of the way.  I was just hoping to do it without anyone being uncomfortable.  

Quoting Lurion:

OP Sorry if you've already answered in previous post--have a few questions.

You are the custodial household? What is the timeshare? 

What does who pays for the daycare have to do with anything?

Is this something your husband could be talking to the mother about? 

What is the mother's discomfort? Have you tried to talk to her? Your negativity toward her drips through the post. :) 

Do you plan not to attend anything for the next 14 years if she's uncomfortable? lol 

In reference to the quote below--I truly believe that in most cases, the parents and stepparents all honestly believe they are keeping the child's best interests at heart. But they disagree as to what that is. 


Quoting Frustrated10:

I don't see why not! You are the custodial step parent. Your ss wouldn't understand if you missed it. I think the best thing to do in situations like this is ask yourself what is in the childs best interest and then do that. If we all just keep in mind that this is about the child and not about the parents, the step parents or the ex spouses, the children will always end up on the positive side of life.





Rachael-Dawn
by Bronze Member on Jun. 3, 2013 at 9:01 PM
1 mom liked this
I don't think it would hurt anything for you to go. It's about what ss would want, not bm. My ex couldn't stand my dh but dh and his parents came to my ds' s prek grad and ex just sucked it up brought his girlfriend and dealt. Everything will be fine and I am sure he will be ecstatic for you to be there.
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