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Youngest stepson - UPDATE

Posted by on Jun. 5, 2013 at 9:00 AM
  • 94 Replies

My husband's ex-wife wants their 16 year old son to come live with us but I don't think it's such a good idea. We have 7 kids, I'll be having our 8th, due July 29th and just think that we have our own kids even though this is his child. I don't want to mess up what we have here by bringing a 16 year old boy into our house so I said no and my husband agreed with me and told me that we'll just keep paying the child support for another year, his son will be 17 on June 27th. So he told her no and now she is upset with us over this, she told him why not? you guys have so many kids already what's one more? It's not bringing him into the house that's the problem, he'd instantly be the oldest child here and I don't want to have to do with a child that I would not have been raising until now that just doesn't make any sense to me. She is upset with me because she knows it was me that made the decision, but why shouldn't I? I'm home with the kids all day long while my husband is working 12-14 hours a day and don't think it's fair to me to have to raise her child. If he was younger then I'd have no problem but he's going to be 17 he can stay with his mom.


UPDATE: My husband talked to his son and his son told him that he wants to go live with his brother who is 19 years old and has his own place but his mom won't let him. He got lippy with his mom so she wants him to leave for good and called us. He told his son that he needs to respect his mother and appolgize to her and he doesn't care who he wants to live with. His son told him that he's tired of his mom treating him like a little kid and that he's almost 18 and doesn't want to live with her anymore. His son told my husband that he doesn't want to live with us and it was his mom that wants him to find somewhere else to live. 

One more year and we are finished with child support. I can't wait but we're not going to let him come live here, his mom is going to let him stay with her but is not happy that we said no and I could careless if she's happy or not.

ANOTHER UPDATE: My husband and I have discussed this further. After reading some posts on here I thought it out more and decided to let him come live with us for the summer and we'll see how it goes, if he is good and wants to stay I don't have as much of a problem with it as I did at first. At first I thought well she is just going to be forcing me to finish raising him, I'm the one that is raising all of our kids while my husband works. I told my husband that I feel bad that nobody wants him to live with them and think we could give it a try. My husband is going to seek full and sole custody of him though and at that point if he wants to live with his older brother he can do so because we'll let him do that unlike his mother.

My husband called his ex wife and talked to her about this and told her that he'll figure out what we need to do in the morning, he's off tomorrow so tomorrow would be a perfect day to see about this. He asked his ex-wife if she would give him full and sole custody and she told him that she would, so that is what we'll be seeking. 

My only problem is that she has raised him for so long and now all of the sudden wants to throw him out, I do feel bad for my stepson.


YET ANOTHER UPDATE: My husband spoke with a Lawyer this morning and the Lawyer told him both him and his ex wife need to sign a motion to sign off on him for child support then they can get the child support adjusted so we get the child support from her. She told him she has no problems paying child support for him so we'll be expecting child support to kick in our way soon after we get him hopefully. We're going to get him tomorrow after school and he'll have his own bedroom. He understands the rules we have in place and realizes that if he breaks the rules he'll be moving again. My husband told him that he could go live with his brother if he wants to and he told him that he'll stay with us instead so at least he is accepting of the idea and not being forced into it.

Michelle
Mom to 5 boys and 3 girls with #8 on the way
Emily, Jordan, Sara, Jason, Aiden, Chloe, Nick and Cody EDD 7-29-13

by on Jun. 5, 2013 at 9:00 AM
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Replies (1-10):
baparrot2
by Platinum Member on Jun. 5, 2013 at 9:07 AM
1 mom liked this

I agree!

JustaSM231
by Bronze Member on Jun. 5, 2013 at 9:11 AM
Why does she want him to come live with you all?? Is something going on?
momtomy7kids
by on Jun. 5, 2013 at 9:14 AM

She didn't really have a reason, she has said though that she wants to be done with kids because raising them on her own has been difficult for her. Well that's not my problem and I don't want to make it my problem.


Quoting JustaSM231:

Why does she want him to come live with you all?? Is something going on?



Michelle
Mom to 5 boys and 3 girls with #8 on the way
Emily, Jordan, Sara, Jason, Aiden, Chloe, Nick and Cody EDD 7-29-13

lnr187
by on Jun. 5, 2013 at 9:15 AM

why does bm want him with you? what does ss want? he'd probably hate to be in a house full of little kids. why would you want a younger kid, but not an older one who is self sufficient?

when you marry a man with children, you have to be prepared that one day the visitation/custody arrangement could change.

pokey-pwa
by on Jun. 5, 2013 at 9:17 AM

How old are your other kids?  What does your SS want? 

MommySabs
by Gold Member on Jun. 5, 2013 at 9:19 AM
2 moms liked this
I agree he shouldn't live with you but not for the same reasons.
Tigress22304
by Ruby Member on Jun. 5, 2013 at 9:32 AM
1 mom liked this

I agree he shouldn't live with you either. Must be nice to think just because you don't want to parent anymore you can just shift the kid around.

baparrot2
by Platinum Member on Jun. 5, 2013 at 9:37 AM
1 mom liked this

I think at this age in teenagerdom, ALOT of moms are ready to be done. Its not fair that she want sto be rid of the last and often the hardest part.

This is coming from a BM who is also ready to be done. (DD is 2 months shy of 18) Somedays, when she looks at me and says, "I'm hungry" when there is a fridge full of food, are the days I want her to move along. LOL!

baparrot2
by Platinum Member on Jun. 5, 2013 at 9:39 AM
3 moms liked this

And if your husband was more at home, my opinion would probably be different. I do think boys at this age really need that father figure around alot. But if it is just going to be you finishing raising him.....no. Trust me, you are not mentally equipped to deal with a boy this age who has been raised by anothers standards.

dandymandy273
by on Jun. 5, 2013 at 9:47 AM

 This

Quoting Tigress22304:

I agree he shouldn't live with you either. Must be nice to think just because you don't want to parent anymore you can just shift the kid around.

 

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