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Youngest stepson - UPDATE

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My husband's ex-wife wants their 16 year old son to come live with us but I don't think it's such a good idea. We have 7 kids, I'll be having our 8th, due July 29th and just think that we have our own kids even though this is his child. I don't want to mess up what we have here by bringing a 16 year old boy into our house so I said no and my husband agreed with me and told me that we'll just keep paying the child support for another year, his son will be 17 on June 27th. So he told her no and now she is upset with us over this, she told him why not? you guys have so many kids already what's one more? It's not bringing him into the house that's the problem, he'd instantly be the oldest child here and I don't want to have to do with a child that I would not have been raising until now that just doesn't make any sense to me. She is upset with me because she knows it was me that made the decision, but why shouldn't I? I'm home with the kids all day long while my husband is working 12-14 hours a day and don't think it's fair to me to have to raise her child. If he was younger then I'd have no problem but he's going to be 17 he can stay with his mom.


UPDATE: My husband talked to his son and his son told him that he wants to go live with his brother who is 19 years old and has his own place but his mom won't let him. He got lippy with his mom so she wants him to leave for good and called us. He told his son that he needs to respect his mother and appolgize to her and he doesn't care who he wants to live with. His son told him that he's tired of his mom treating him like a little kid and that he's almost 18 and doesn't want to live with her anymore. His son told my husband that he doesn't want to live with us and it was his mom that wants him to find somewhere else to live. 

One more year and we are finished with child support. I can't wait but we're not going to let him come live here, his mom is going to let him stay with her but is not happy that we said no and I could careless if she's happy or not.

ANOTHER UPDATE: My husband and I have discussed this further. After reading some posts on here I thought it out more and decided to let him come live with us for the summer and we'll see how it goes, if he is good and wants to stay I don't have as much of a problem with it as I did at first. At first I thought well she is just going to be forcing me to finish raising him, I'm the one that is raising all of our kids while my husband works. I told my husband that I feel bad that nobody wants him to live with them and think we could give it a try. My husband is going to seek full and sole custody of him though and at that point if he wants to live with his older brother he can do so because we'll let him do that unlike his mother.

My husband called his ex wife and talked to her about this and told her that he'll figure out what we need to do in the morning, he's off tomorrow so tomorrow would be a perfect day to see about this. He asked his ex-wife if she would give him full and sole custody and she told him that she would, so that is what we'll be seeking. 

My only problem is that she has raised him for so long and now all of the sudden wants to throw him out, I do feel bad for my stepson.


YET ANOTHER UPDATE: My husband spoke with a Lawyer this morning and the Lawyer told him both him and his ex wife need to sign a motion to sign off on him for child support then they can get the child support adjusted so we get the child support from her. She told him she has no problems paying child support for him so we'll be expecting child support to kick in our way soon after we get him hopefully. We're going to get him tomorrow after school and he'll have his own bedroom. He understands the rules we have in place and realizes that if he breaks the rules he'll be moving again. My husband told him that he could go live with his brother if he wants to and he told him that he'll stay with us instead so at least he is accepting of the idea and not being forced into it.

Michelle
Mom to 5 boys and 3 girls with #8 on the way
Emily, Jordan, Sara, Jason, Aiden, Chloe, Nick and Cody EDD 7-29-13

by on Jun. 5, 2013 at 9:00 AM
Replies (11-20):
Tigress22304
by Platinum Member on Jun. 5, 2013 at 10:28 AM
1 mom liked this


Quoting baparrot2:

I think at this age in teenagerdom, ALOT of moms are ready to be done. Its not fair that she want sto be rid of the last and often the hardest part.

This is coming from a BM who is also ready to be done. (DD is 2 months shy of 18) Somedays, when she looks at me and says, "I'm hungry" when there is a fridge full of food, are the days I want her to move along. LOL!

in this house its more hubby then the kids crying he's hungry when the kitchen's fully stocked


Janeite
by on Jun. 5, 2013 at 10:44 AM
2 moms liked this

I feel so sorry for the kid in this situation - no one wants him? :(  

bottomline
by Silver Member on Jun. 5, 2013 at 10:49 AM
1 mom liked this

 If DH's son wants to come live with you I would feel differently about this. But because I understand this to be a bm shirking her responsibility sitch, then no, he should not come live with you.

What is bm teaching the child?? I don't want to deal with you so go live somewhere else? How is that helpful? I feel bad for the boy, 17 or not, to be so expendable to his own mother? SMDH.

baparrot2
by Platinum Member on Jun. 5, 2013 at 10:49 AM


Quoting Janeite:

I feel so sorry for the kid in this situation - no one wants him? :(  

Dont feel too bad. Lots of 17 year olds leave parents feeling like this. And sometimes with good reason. In this OP's case she already has a houseful! And the mom, wouldnt be the first mom in the world to have had enough either.

Janeite
by on Jun. 5, 2013 at 10:55 AM

I have baggage from my father not wanting me after he and my mom divorced. I'm 36 and it still hurts!  

Quoting baparrot2:


Quoting Janeite:

I feel so sorry for the kid in this situation - no one wants him? :(  

Dont feel too bad. Lots of 17 year olds leave parents feeling like this. And sometimes with good reason. In this OP's case she already has a houseful! And the mom, wouldnt be the first mom in the world to have had enough either.

 

kss12
by Bronze Member on Jun. 5, 2013 at 11:02 AM
If I were you I wouldn't have him live with me if I was paid! There's just no way!
baparrot2
by Platinum Member on Jun. 5, 2013 at 11:03 AM
1 mom liked this

Sorry that happened to you. I kinda got shuffled a bit too.

Hopefully these people will all get together and communicate what they can do and what they cant do. In a sitch like this where mom is probably feeling overwhelmed with this boy, she may just need more of dads involvement and mom needs to understand that there just isnt room enough for the boy logistically in the house and that her wanting dad to take over makes no sense either since he would be left with SM anyway due to his work schedule. This needs to be communicated or assumptions will just fly around. Have you ever asked your dad why he wouldnt take you?

Quoting Janeite:

I have baggage from my father not wanting me after he and my mom divorced. I'm 36 and it still hurts!  

Quoting baparrot2:


Quoting Janeite:

I feel so sorry for the kid in this situation - no one wants him? :(  

Dont feel too bad. Lots of 17 year olds leave parents feeling like this. And sometimes with good reason. In this OP's case she already has a houseful! And the mom, wouldnt be the first mom in the world to have had enough either.

 


Janeite
by on Jun. 5, 2013 at 11:08 AM

Agreed. I hope they can work it out. 

Yes, my father had remarried and his wife was pregnant. She said it would be too much and too stressful for her to deal with us both. That was 22 years ago. Have I ever met my half-sister? Nope.  

Quoting baparrot2:

Sorry that happened to you. I kinda got shuffled a bit too.

Hopefully these people will all get together and communicate what they can do and what they cant do. In a sitch like this where mom is probably feeling overwhelmed with this boy, she may just need more of dads involvement and mom needs to understand that there just isnt room enough for the boy logistically in the house and that her wanting dad to take over makes no sense either since he would be left with SM anyway due to his work schedule. This needs to be communicated or assumptions will just fly around. Have you ever asked your dad why he wouldnt take you?

Quoting Janeite:

I have baggage from my father not wanting me after he and my mom divorced. I'm 36 and it still hurts!  

Quoting baparrot2:


Quoting Janeite:

I feel so sorry for the kid in this situation - no one wants him? :(  

Dont feel too bad. Lots of 17 year olds leave parents feeling like this. And sometimes with good reason. In this OP's case she already has a houseful! And the mom, wouldnt be the first mom in the world to have had enough either.

 


 

momtomy7kids
by on Jun. 5, 2013 at 11:23 AM

Mine are 14, 11, 9, 7, 5, 3, 17 months and one due July 29th. I don't think he wants to come live here in the first place, I'm thinking it's all his mom's doing. I just don't want to have to raise a kid that is almost an adult.


Quoting pokey-pwa:

How old are your other kids?  What does your SS want? 



Michelle
Mom to 5 boys and 3 girls with #8 on the way
Emily, Jordan, Sara, Jason, Aiden, Chloe, Nick and Cody EDD 7-29-13

momtomy7kids
by on Jun. 5, 2013 at 11:25 AM

She claims that she can't deal with him anymore and thinks that if he goes and lives with his dad that things will be better, sure they'll be better for her because she won't have to deal with him anymore. But I'm thinking about myself and my family, I don't think it's a good idea and I'm happy my husband agrees.


Quoting lnr187:

why does bm want him with you? what does ss want? he'd probably hate to be in a house full of little kids. why would you want a younger kid, but not an older one who is self sufficient?

when you marry a man with children, you have to be prepared that one day the visitation/custody arrangement could change.



Michelle
Mom to 5 boys and 3 girls with #8 on the way
Emily, Jordan, Sara, Jason, Aiden, Chloe, Nick and Cody EDD 7-29-13

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