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would you be happier if skids weren't around?

Posted by on Jun. 12, 2013 at 10:36 AM
  • 44 Replies
Another interesting question. Lets hear some answers.
ok ladies , im asking for opinions so lets not attack ppl based on their,answers.

Would you be happier if your skids weren't around at all. If they lived out of state or were just never born. or do you feel they enrich your life and can't even imagine life without them?
by on Jun. 12, 2013 at 10:36 AM
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Replies (1-10):
sarawags
by on Jun. 12, 2013 at 10:40 AM
7 moms liked this

I'd probably like it if they all (including my own ;) moved to outer space during the teen years - :) 

OkieMommyOf6
by Member on Jun. 12, 2013 at 10:43 AM
I love having all my kids at home including my skids. I have been part of my skids life since the youngest was 1 and the oldest were 4, they are now 7 and 11. I know more about them then the bm does.
whatIknownow
by Emerald Member on Jun. 12, 2013 at 10:44 AM
3 moms liked this

I like my stepkids, and I figure they will give me grandchildren, doubling my chance for grandchildren because I have two kids and two stepkids.

Also, my husband wouldnt' be the same man he is if he didn't have these kids, and I really like the man he is.

So, my life with my stepkids is exactly what it is supposed to be. I feel this is the family I was meant to have.

bottomline
by Silver Member on Jun. 12, 2013 at 10:44 AM
2 moms liked this

There were a couple of years I thought we were blended and getting along fine.  But that was not the case so much, according to the oldest SS. (the hater)

I won't lie, when he moved out of state I dropped into position and happy danced my behind across the kitchen floor! Twice. lol  Come to find out, so did his bio-GM.  Turns out he wasn't just a hater to me, but to everyone around him.

Panda113
by Bronze Member on Jun. 12, 2013 at 10:58 AM
1 mom liked this
I'm pretty happy that SD is around but that doesn't mean I don't enjoy a day or two without her every now and then.
Graceplustwo
by on Jun. 12, 2013 at 11:02 AM
I think my sss are pretty cool kids. I love dd and I think ewe is nice family
saywhat2102
by Gold Member on Jun. 12, 2013 at 11:02 AM
1 mom liked this
To be honest. I really can't ever see myself without my husband and stepson. They are my life and life is awesome :-)
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Graceplustwo
by on Jun. 12, 2013 at 11:02 AM
I think my sss are pretty cool kids. I love dd and I think ewe is nice family time
Birdseed
by Platinum Member on Jun. 12, 2013 at 11:31 AM
2 moms liked this

I wonder what my step daughters would think if they found this post and read it?  Wonder what my husband would think?  And the fact that I have to ask those questions before I answer makes me a little sad.

I want to be like WIKN!  

I do like my skids.  They are bright, talented young ladies with many opportunities in front of them. I am proud of them, I care about them and I love them in a way that I can't exactly explain.  I do believe that my husband is the man I love BECAUSE he is a caring father.  He has many other great qualities but the level of committment he shows towards his kids is something I value in him.

I have also enjoyed being able to have some time alone with my husband since we moved away.  It's been nice to be a couple and not "just" a step mom working through the daily grind of school, homework, dinner, ECs, etc.  Not having kids of my own, I didn't realize just how much kids suck up your time and energy.  If you're not careful, there's not much left for an adult relationship.  And I kind of feel like once the deal was done (planned to get married), I ended up being more of a partner parent than a partner.  Frankly, I don't find it as fulfilling to be a partner parent as perhaps I should.  Sometimes I think I lack the "mom" gene.

So I'm definitely not in the "can't imagine life without them, they are my everything" camp.  They're not my kids.  They have involved parents. They don't NEED me to make them my everything.  And it does sometimes feel a bit lonely on the outside when the only overlap in the Venn diagram is me/dh.  Else, it's DH/kids, DH/BM, or DH, BM, kids--and I'm kind of on the outside looking in.  I didn't realize that's what step life was going to be like.  I feel like the odd man out a lot of the time from an emotional standpoint. I'm an excellent gap filler for things like rides, or money or time.  But emotionally, even if the kids aren't around, they are my DH's priority (as they should be) and that means that even without them here, there aren't many moments when DH isn't doing for them or interacting with them or their mother.

So...that's my long way of saying no.  I'm not happier when the kids aren't around because with an involved parent like my DH, physical distance does not change his committment.  And if they weren't around at all--as in never born--I don't think that my DH would be the man he is.

What I actually would prefer (not that you asked) is if the kids were always with us so DH could feel a little less guilty and maybe be more of a "normal" parent instead of being all in all the time no matter what.  And so that he could relax a bit and not feel guilty about having a good time without the kids present.  








aJiG827
by on Jun. 12, 2013 at 11:35 AM

We moved 1400 miles away from my skids last summer. I thought I would be happy ( I REALLY don't get along with SS9. SS14 is alright). But I'm not. I miss them. Last time we were home and visited them, I cried so hard when we left them. They're not mine, and they're not perfect, but they're part of our family. They're my daughters' brothers. And I miss them. They'll actually be here TOMORROW!!!! They're on a bus with their grandparents, heading for our state. I can't wait. It's pretty much going to just be me and all four of the kids this summer (since DH works a state away), and I am determined to make it the best summer those boys have ever had.

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