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BMs Do you still keep a journal?

Posted by on Jun. 12, 2013 at 7:08 PM
  • 36 Replies
I'm talking like one in regards to your ex & his activity if you will. Like when he visits or doesn't & if he calls if he can't etc?

My ex & I have been divorced for about a year now & I'm thinking I need to keep one. He gives me a copy of his schedule for 6 weeks at a time. I really only need his days off but there are days when he closes (6pm to 3am) & then has a day off (so he usually sleeps).

He supposedly has today off. Yet I had to take the younger boys to daycare with me (where I work). And since my 17yo DS made plans for the afternoon, I "had" to come home on my lunch break to get the girls & take them to my parents' because I just didn't feel comfortable with them being home by themselves from 7am to 5pm.

It's now 7pm & I have yet to hear from thee ex. I text him the other night & said we need to discuss his intentions for his days off during the summer. IMO it's unfair for the boys to have to go to daycare all day & the girls to be stuck in the house all day if their dad is off. He also has Saturday off & even though it's 3 days away my kids have no idea if they are going to see their dad that day. Infact the 4yo asked me today if Daddy was picking him up from daycare & I said I had no idea. Because I didn't!

At this point IDK what "good" keeping a journal would do. I already have residential & legal custody so it's not that I can take that away. I just feel he's getting off easy by only seeing the kids when it's conveinent to him. It doesn't hurt me. I just hate it when the little one cries for Daddy & the older ones act like they don't care if he comes around or not! Guess I feel like I'm "forcing" him to be a parent & he doesn't want to be one.
by on Jun. 12, 2013 at 7:08 PM
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Replies (1-10):
sarawags
by on Jun. 12, 2013 at 7:11 PM

I don't - I actually was horrible at ever doing - even though my attorney had strictly informed me to do so. 

On an emotional level - I feel like this just trudges crap up -

But on a logical - in a court - level - it's a necessary - must do - smart thing 

sarawags
by on Jun. 12, 2013 at 7:14 PM

Also - in this - the journal is silly - if needed - grab a bunch of different colored markers and fill in schedule dates with on a 12 month calendar -

The most credible thing you could ever have is in written (this includes digital form) - if you have reason to ONLY speak to your ex per email, text, etc and NEVER EVER let him provoke you on that same medium. 

amantonacci
by Gold Member on Jun. 12, 2013 at 7:16 PM

I do... I keep a white board calender on the wall under the date I write the time and brief description of what changed and at the end of the month I transfer any entries into a word document.

CampClan
by Bronze Member on Jun. 12, 2013 at 7:22 PM
Well I do write his days off on the wall calendars & my pocket calendar just to have it handy.

I also have a Cosi.com account in which I went & added every day he would have the kids (per the local rule) including when he would have EOWE. Plus I add school functions as I find out about them. It's set up to email both of us on Sunday for the week's events.

I have tried the whole "no contact unless via email" route & he complained that I won't talk to him like a human. Then he claimed he couldn't get emails because his mom wasn't letting him use her internet (when he was living with her). Now it's because he & GF don't have internet yet.


Quoting sarawags:

Also - in this - the journal is silly - if needed - grab a bunch of different colored markers and fill in schedule dates with on a 12 month calendar -

The most credible thing you could ever have is in written (this includes digital form) - if you have reason to ONLY speak to your ex per email, text, etc and NEVER EVER let him provoke you on that same medium. 

sarawags
by on Jun. 12, 2013 at 7:28 PM

Okay, don't fall for it - if he is saying things that could be helpful for you in court - make sure he communicates to you in proven form.

If he keeps up at these excuses as to why he can't - contact the friends of the court - they will deal with to have him comply.

Has he ever been physically or verbally abusive to you?



Quoting CampClan:

Well I do write his days off on the wall calendars & my pocket calendar just to have it handy.

I also have a Cosi.com account in which I went & added every day he would have the kids (per the local rule) including when he would have EOWE. Plus I add school functions as I find out about them. It's set up to email both of us on Sunday for the week's events.

I have tried the whole "no contact unless via email" route & he complained that I won't talk to him like a human. Then he claimed he couldn't get emails because his mom wasn't letting him use her internet (when he was living with her). Now it's because he & GF don't have internet yet.


Quoting sarawags:

Also - in this - the journal is silly - if needed - grab a bunch of different colored markers and fill in schedule dates with on a 12 month calendar -

The most credible thing you could ever have is in written (this includes digital form) - if you have reason to ONLY speak to your ex per email, text, etc and NEVER EVER let him provoke you on that same medium. 



CampClan
by Bronze Member on Jun. 12, 2013 at 7:38 PM
No! The only "abuse" would be emotional- cause of the affairs. It's not like he's fighting over custody or I'm refusing to let him see the kids because he failed to do something. He has support automatically taken from his check. IDK how a court could force someone to comply- meaning force someone to see his kids.

IMO if he doesn't want to see them then his loss. But I don't like the idea that he can pick & choose when he does. Granted it's not like he is asking for them on my time. He is just doesn't see them when he does have the day. Which means I'm sitting on my butt doing nothing because I never know when he is going to see them. I still don't have a life because of him! I mean what if I make plans with friends to go to a non-kid friendly place based on him having the day off?! And now I can't because he decided not to come get them.


Quoting sarawags:

Okay, don't fall for it - if he is saying things that could be helpful for you in court - make sure he communicates to you in proven form.

If he keeps up at these excuses as to why he can't - contact the friends of the court - they will deal with to have him comply.

Has he ever been physically or verbally abusive to you?




Quoting CampClan:

Well I do write his days off on the wall calendars & my pocket calendar just to have it handy.



I also have a Cosi.com account in which I went & added every day he would have the kids (per the local rule) including when he would have EOWE. Plus I add school functions as I find out about them. It's set up to email both of us on Sunday for the week's events.



I have tried the whole "no contact unless via email" route & he complained that I won't talk to him like a human. Then he claimed he couldn't get emails because his mom wasn't letting him use her internet (when he was living with her). Now it's because he & GF don't have internet yet.




Quoting sarawags:

Also - in this - the journal is silly - if needed - grab a bunch of different colored markers and fill in schedule dates with on a 12 month calendar -

The most credible thing you could ever have is in written (this includes digital form) - if you have reason to ONLY speak to your ex per email, text, etc and NEVER EVER let him provoke you on that same medium. 




jules2boys
by Gold Member on Jun. 12, 2013 at 7:42 PM

I was never very good at keeping a journal or a calendar, but I DO have every email from/to BF and should it come down to it, I could print that novel to present in court.  Though I doubt it would come to that in our case. 

SassyMom25
by Silver Member on Jun. 12, 2013 at 8:10 PM
1 mom liked this

I keep track of visitation and phone calls. Just in case BM should try to take us back to court for a change in custody. Its important to be able to show that the other parent doesn't take the time given to them already, to deter them from convincing a judge that there should be a complete change of custody.  

CampClan
by Bronze Member on Jun. 12, 2013 at 8:14 PM
Well until he has a "suitable" place to accomadate our 4 kids along with GF & their son I don't think I have to worry about him trying to get a change of custody. They live in a 2 bedroom right now. They would need at least 3 bedrooms because he & I have 2 teen girls.

Quoting SassyMom25:

I keep track of visitation and phone calls. Just in case BM should try to take us back to court for a change in custody. Its important to be able to show that the other parent doesn't take the time given to them already, to deter them from convincing a judge that there should be a complete change of custody.  

sarawags
by on Jun. 12, 2013 at 8:17 PM


Have you both met with friends of the court yet?  

Quoting CampClan:

No! The only "abuse" would be emotional- cause of the affairs. It's not like he's fighting over custody or I'm refusing to let him see the kids because he failed to do something. He has support automatically taken from his check. IDK how a court could force someone to comply- meaning force someone to see his kids.

IMO if he doesn't want to see them then his loss. But I don't like the idea that he can pick & choose when he does. Granted it's not like he is asking for them on my time. He is just doesn't see them when he does have the day. Which means I'm sitting on my butt doing nothing because I never know when he is going to see them. I still don't have a life because of him! I mean what if I make plans with friends to go to a non-kid friendly place based on him having the day off?! And now I can't because he decided not to come get them.


Quoting sarawags:

Okay, don't fall for it - if he is saying things that could be helpful for you in court - make sure he communicates to you in proven form.

If he keeps up at these excuses as to why he can't - contact the friends of the court - they will deal with to have him comply.

Has he ever been physically or verbally abusive to you?




Quoting CampClan:

Well I do write his days off on the wall calendars & my pocket calendar just to have it handy.



I also have a Cosi.com account in which I went & added every day he would have the kids (per the local rule) including when he would have EOWE. Plus I add school functions as I find out about them. It's set up to email both of us on Sunday for the week's events.



I have tried the whole "no contact unless via email" route & he complained that I won't talk to him like a human. Then he claimed he couldn't get emails because his mom wasn't letting him use her internet (when he was living with her). Now it's because he & GF don't have internet yet.




Quoting sarawags:

Also - in this - the journal is silly - if needed - grab a bunch of different colored markers and fill in schedule dates with on a 12 month calendar -

The most credible thing you could ever have is in written (this includes digital form) - if you have reason to ONLY speak to your ex per email, text, etc and NEVER EVER let him provoke you on that same medium. 






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