First an intro - I'm the stepmom of four, and a biomom to 1. My husband had two children from his first marriage, and two more from his second, before we met. I had my son with my first husband. My husband's first two kids, and my son, live with us full time. The other two we see a couple times a month.
I need to say that I love my husband, but I'm at the end of my rope. My oldest stepson who will be 18 in a few months has been kicked out due to another assault on me. This is the second time the police have been involved, and it's the fourth assault, which included death threats ("I'm going to f'n kill you in your sleep"), name calling, many obscenities, etc. This last time and the time before that he injured himself on purpose to turn around and make child abuse charges against me. After we kicked him out this last time, he apparently told people that I held him down and repeatedly punched him in the head (I'm 120 pounds, he's almost 170 with MMA training, a few inches taller than me). After the police and detectives investigated, they arrested him on assault and kidnapping charges. Honestly, I didn't call the police because I just wanted to let the whole thing go. But when they showed up on my doorstep ready to arrest me, after taking our statements they determined that my stepson was the aggressor and abuser. It was then I decided that I couldn't live with him anymore. He's required to attend some classes over the summer and complete them by some date or face these charges as an adult.
This all happened within the last few weeks. Stepson is now living with another family and they think he's an angel. My husband is out of town, and while he's been gone someone tried to break into the house. I mentioned to my husband that maybe it's my stepson, and he blew up (stepson knows my husband is out of town). He just can't figure out where in the world I could come up with such an insane accusation, that his son would never do anything as stupid as that, and that I'm just out to get him. Yep - I'm pretty angry at this kid. Out to get him? No - just want him completely out of my life. I get that he will always be part of my husband's life, but I'm not going to live in fear anymore. He's threatened me, my son, bullies us, he's just not a good kid. I've tried, I really have, but I'm done.
I get that my husband is angry, and maybe it's easier to take his frustration out on me rather than the one who caused all of this. Maybe he feels like a failure because he didn't protect me, I don't know, as he won't talk with me about it. But for how long? It's like he's mad at me because I can't live with his son anymore. I've told him that if he feels that strongly that he needs to live with his son, they go find somewhere to live until the stepson can live on his own, husband can come home whenever he wants, but I can't be around this kid anymore. He has also assaulted his own mother, and most of my friends want nothing to do with him anymore due to his treatment of them and how they've watched him treat me. I just can't take the anger and fighting anymore. I can't have my son watching all of this - it's why I insisted that my stepson not be allowed to come back. There's all sorts of articles out there on step parents abusing their step kids, but nothing that helps when it's flip flopped.
Anyway, guess this is part vent part "what do I do?". I'm so tired of all of this.