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Stepmom Central Stepmom Central

Am I bad??

Posted by on Jun. 14, 2013 at 9:10 AM
  • 21 Replies
So a tiny bit of history.. Ss and I get along great. He is 50/50 and is here mon, tues all day and wed until 5, and every other weekend. dh and bm switched the schedule up a bit bc ss's mom signed him up for something on Tuesdays so we've changed to mon all day, wed all day and Friday til 5. Now that summer is here he's here all day Monday, Tuesday til 3, all day Wednesday and Thursday til 3. I can not get anything done! He is 11 so he's between being a baby and being able to go off on his own. He's an immature 11 year old, partly because MIL raised him and she just spoiled him. He is constantly in need of attention, constantly wants to do things. I've taken him to the pool the last 4 days and I'm just worn out from him. I have an almost 16 month old as well, so obviously my focus is on him. I feel like I'm going to pull my hair out! Ss doesn't help with anything, he rushes me to get out of the house.. Example: I told him we'd go to the pool around 10:30.. I vacuumed and mopped the whole house and was done by 9:30.. The second he heard the steam cleaner turn off he said "are you ready?".. I told him, no I'm not ready I have a few more things to do.. If he wants to go earlier then he can help me complete some of the easy things.. And he was quiet and didnt say anything and went upstairs.
I do not take on a mother role with him.. I don't discipline him- if I have an issue I need addressed I talk to dh about it and he addresses it with ss. I do the best I can to entertain him but I can't do it at my expense. I'll be in the bathroom and not only my ds is at the door, but our dog is scratching at the door trying to get in and ss feels its ok to have a conversation through the bathroom door. Ok ok, it is comical when looking back at it but at the time I want to flush myself down the toilet!
Ss used to spend a lot of time with MIL but his friends are here so obviously he'd rather be over here. My mom tried to come over 100x this last week to see ds and I kept having to put it off. I feel like a babysitter!
by on Jun. 14, 2013 at 9:10 AM
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Replies (1-10):
baparrot2
by Platinum Member on Jun. 14, 2013 at 9:15 AM
1 mom liked this

I never understand this. dad has 50% custody awarded to him but yet SM is filling in for him on the regular. One has to ask, would he have this custody arrangement if it weren't for you? Would he even be able to fulfill his obligations? If the answer is no, it seems as though YOU are the one who was awarded 50% custody of the child.

whatIknownow
by Emerald Member on Jun. 14, 2013 at 9:16 AM



Quoting kss12:

I feel like a babysitter!


umm... thats' because you are babysitting him. 

If you don't want to babysit him, tell your husband to put him in a camp, or send him to MIL's.

teaspring
by on Jun. 14, 2013 at 9:23 AM
1 mom liked this

Summer camp is probably actually an excellent idea!  Mine have gone for the past 4 years (this summer session begins this coming Monday, so will be their 5th year) and they absolutely love it.  Lots of friends, lots of activities, lots of fun.  My town has a few offered, but the one they went to for the first 4 years was through the town's recreation department; $150 per child includes six weeks from 9am til 4pm.  There are additional activity expenses 4 of 5 days of the week for a total of $32 per week for two kids. 

This summer, however, they are going to a different one in town.  This one is $200 per child but with a $25 discount for the second, so $375 total for six weeks of camp for two kids, 9am til 5pm and no additional daily costs. 

I bet your SS would love to go to summer camp.  Maybe suggest it to his dad and then his dad can discuss it with the child's mother. 

Happy Friday, btw! :)

KnowItAll
by Silver Member on Jun. 14, 2013 at 9:45 AM

You can do one of two things:

1 -- Tell your DH that you do not want to babysit your SS so much and that he needs to make other arrangements.  Let him know how often you are comfortable keeping SS and which days work best for you. 

2 -- Accept the fact that you are babysitting your DH's child as a favor to him.  Because if you don't do #1 and stand up for what you want, then by default, you are accepting this responsibility and you need to deal with it. 

There are some couples that share everything, finances, children, responsibility, etc.  And then there are some couples that like to keep things like finances and responsibilities separate.  Some SM's feel very motherly towards their stepkids and don't mind having them around all the time.  Other SM's don't feel that way and like their space.   Both are fine. 

Happily Married | BM to DD13  DD13  DD12 | Mom to DS7 & DS4 | CP | Not a SM

Annawest
by Bronze Member on Jun. 14, 2013 at 9:50 AM

Well it sounds to me like you are watching him on BM time too.  Maybe just have her find her own sitter.  I don't mind watching SO's child when it is our time with him, but it starts to burn me when I feel BM is taking advantage of me.  I've told her no before.

Graceplustwo
by Bronze Member on Jun. 14, 2013 at 8:17 PM
1 mom liked this
Omg.i feel you. I have such a similar schedule
Except I watch my 2 ss 5 days a week and I have a teething 10 m old. I've been soooo burnt out! Lol but such is the life of a,mom. So I just suck it up and do what I gotta do.
destiny83
by on Jun. 14, 2013 at 8:34 PM

Maybe you and DH should reevaluate the situation. If I had a kid (any kid, skid, neighbors, relatives) in my care for that much of the time it would require some ground rules and a certain level to which I could discipline. Otherwise you're being treated almost like less than a babysitter.

jules2boys
by Gold Member on Jun. 14, 2013 at 8:40 PM

Who watches him when he's with BM?  Is she working or is she also having someone else babysit him?  Summer camp wouldn't work as most aren't daily but weekly camps (day camps).  BF would have to pay for the week but DS would only go 2 - 3 days a week.  He'd miss out on things and BF would be overpaying.  How long does this Tuesday commitment go on until?  Maybe find a daycamp that's half day (mornings) and that'd work for both BM and BF? 

pdxmum
by Ruby Member on Jun. 14, 2013 at 9:52 PM
I'm confused. If you get along great, why don't you want him around?

First decide if you like him or not. Then decide if you want him around or not. If you do want him around so much, I have plenty of suggestions.
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faerie75
by Platinum Member on Jun. 14, 2013 at 10:51 PM
1 mom liked this
Sounds just like my ss10 lol it's no ones fault that just how he is. I tell him to go play if he's buggin. I do know what your am about being overwhelmed.
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