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BM wants to have dinner with DH and SS

Posted by on Jun. 16, 2013 at 7:02 PM
  • 102 Replies

for SS's 12th birthday. They aren't friends but they are somewhat civil, they co-parent a bit although BM mostly does what she wants. Is BM's request appropriate? Should DH go?

Wife, Mother and Career Woman living in Jamaica

by on Jun. 16, 2013 at 7:02 PM
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Replies (1-10):
PumpkinSpice8
by Silver Member on Jun. 16, 2013 at 7:11 PM
7 moms liked this
It's appropriate if DH's wife and BM's husband are invited. Otherwise, it sounds a little awkward.
RMCmata
by Member on Jun. 16, 2013 at 7:26 PM
I wouldn't feel comfortable with that. Honestly I would think it could be confusing for ss...well depending on ss ideas of bm and dh getting back together.
pdxmum
by Ruby Member on Jun. 16, 2013 at 7:27 PM

Why?  It is an odd request.  Maybe SS requested it?

I don't see it as appropriate or not appropriate since it isn't like leaving you out of it is an issue since you don't have a relationship with SS.  Right?  It isn't like SS lives with you as a family during any part of his life so it would be even odder if you were invited.  But is it appropriate for a single woman to invite a married man out for dinner with their son to celebrate his birthday?  She is single right?  Nah, not inappropriate.

but definitely odd.  What does he think?  


Tillymommie
by Silver Member on Jun. 16, 2013 at 7:30 PM

Does SS want this??? In my stitch, no one, (DH and BD's SO) would think anything of it if BD and I took DS out. We get along. Now if BM asked DH, DH would think she is up to something just on past stitches.

I think its another one of those things that depend on the people involved.

shaag
by on Jun. 16, 2013 at 7:39 PM
In my sitch it would be not just no but H**L NO! LOL

I don't see it as appropriate but that's just my opinion especially if she is single. Has she ever requested this before or is this a yearly (after divorce) tradition? It can always be changed to include spouses/SOs
AmericanDream
by Gold Member on Jun. 16, 2013 at 7:45 PM

I agree with this.... but, otherwise... a big family dinner seems very ... strained.

If everyone could be civil and have a nice time I could totally see a nice BM/SF, BF/SM, Skid dinner...

But not just the parents and the kids... especially if the parents don't even get along!

Quoting PumpkinSpice8:

It's appropriate if DH's wife and BM's husband are invited. Otherwise, it sounds a little awkward.


leegirl_jm
by Ruby Member on Jun. 16, 2013 at 7:45 PM

He is non-committal, he is using my response to gauge his but I think he would go. Generally, if they were friends, I would think it was okay, I wouldn't like it but it seems okay since it is something for their child but since we have had some issues in the past, I definitely don't think it would be appropriate.

Quoting pdxmum:

........... But is it appropriate for a single woman to invite a married man out for dinner with their son to celebrate his birthday?  She is single right?  Nah, not inappropriate.

but definitely odd.  What does he think?  



Wife, Mother and Career Woman living in Jamaica

leegirl_jm
by Ruby Member on Jun. 16, 2013 at 7:47 PM

They were never married, she has asked before when she has hosted a party for SS, DH has never gone. This was out of the blue.

Quoting shaag:

In my sitch it would be not just no but H**L NO! LOL

I don't see it as appropriate but that's just my opinion especially if she is single. Has she ever requested this before or is this a yearly (after divorce) tradition? It can always be changed to include spouses/SOs


Wife, Mother and Career Woman living in Jamaica

MommyTo5Boys
by Member on Jun. 16, 2013 at 7:54 PM

My XH and I are having a joint birthday party for our soon to be 16 y/o son. I thought it would be nice for him to see that his parents still got along and that we could work together. Plus I also though it would be nice for him to have all his family in one room at the same time.
But we are having all the families, including my DH, there too. It is not just a private thing between XH, DS & I. That I would find weird unless the current spouses or s/o's were invited too.

If my XH invited me, our kids (we have 3 together) and my DH all for a nice dinner I would still think it was weird but not unacceptable.
If XH only invited me and our sons ... that's just weird and there is no way that I would go unless it was to discuss something with them that needed to be discussed in private and they would feel more comfortable with less people being there. 

If DH's X asked him and my SS's out to dinner I would def be concerned because there are no where near civil to each other, as a matter of fact she down right hates him, and she hasn't even seen or spoken to SS's in years! So yeah that would never happen! 

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pdxmum
by Ruby Member on Jun. 16, 2013 at 8:08 PM


Does he have issues with BM or do you have issues with BM?  I really can't remember so I am not trying to be snarky.

this is only going to get harder to navigate as SS gets older.  Is there any way to forget old issues so that dad can celebrate his son's birthday?  From another reply, it doesn't sound like he has ever gone to his sons birthday celebration.

Quoting leegirl_jm:

He is non-committal, he is using my response to gauge his but I think he would go. Generally, if they were friends, I would think it was okay, I wouldn't like it but it seems okay since it is something for their child but since we have had some issues in the past, I definitely don't think it would be appropriate.

Quoting pdxmum:

........... But is it appropriate for a single woman to invite a married man out for dinner with their son to celebrate his birthday?  She is single right?  Nah, not inappropriate.

but definitely odd.  What does he think?  





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