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BM wants to have dinner with DH and SS

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for SS's 12th birthday. They aren't friends but they are somewhat civil, they co-parent a bit although BM mostly does what she wants. Is BM's request appropriate? Should DH go?

Wife, Mother and Career Woman living in Jamaica

by on Jun. 16, 2013 at 7:02 PM
Replies (31-40):
ginamom512
by on Jun. 17, 2013 at 7:09 AM

There is nothing wrong with that. 

leegirl_jm
by Ruby Member on Jun. 17, 2013 at 8:25 AM

Yeah, it shouldn't be a big deal but it is to me, I guess it is one of those things that it depends on the individual.

Quoting momof2ex1:

I posted about this in another group. Similar scenario. Everyone told me that the subject of my post should get over it. These are the parents of the children and an innocent dinner shouldn't be a big deal.

I personally don't think I would be excited about it. But I'm not sure WHY I feel that way.


Wife, Mother and Career Woman living in Jamaica

dawnnamarie
by Silver Member on Jun. 17, 2013 at 8:33 AM
Not a chance. She's single and very emotionally unstable. She has repeatedly tried to break up our home. Not happening.

Dh doesn't even let her into the house when she comes to get ss and I'm not home!


Quoting leegirl_jm:

Let's change it up then, would you be ok with your SO and his EX having dinner with their child for the child's birthday?

Quoting chasinrainbows:

Idk about this one. I mean...the kid isn't allowed at your house and your husband doesn't take any overnights so....


USBrit
by Silver Member on Jun. 17, 2013 at 10:02 AM
3 moms liked this

I believe it IS inappropriate for an ex-wife to ask her ex-husband to attend a dinner with her and their son. What part of "EX" do they not all get. AND especially if the husband is remarried, which in this case he is. Why does society make light of divorce? Divorce hurts families, why do we minimize that. If you want the big happy family STAY MARRIED!! Otherwise, yes..birthdays and holidays will SUCK from now on. You may have to choose one parent or the other. You may have to spend holidays alternating between two different houses.  If you want kids to understand why marriage is a commitment that should be taken very seriously............quit making divorce so pretty....it is ugly and hurts families. When we stop putting a bow on it, then maybe there won't be so many. 

I am sick of everyone saying it is better to take the high road....what? The high road is sticking it out through marriage for the sake of the children, if nothing else. The high road is letting divorce being a teaching tool of what NOT to do. Does that mean that the children have to be miserable. NOPE! They can enjoy both their parents at SEPARATE TIMES. Boundaries are so important, but especially in second marriages. Why do we think so many second marriages fail? NO BOUNDARIES!

bottomline
by Silver Member on Jun. 17, 2013 at 10:13 AM
1 mom liked this

 In our case it's more likely that satan will invite campers over to roast marshmallows on his fire then DH having supper with SS's and bm. :)

HighRoadToPnH
by Member on Jun. 17, 2013 at 1:06 PM
I do think that the time for DH, BM and child to do family things like this together has past.

I think the important thing for BF to do overall is to be there for his child, be a good father and focus on their relationship. And BM should do the same.

I don't think the birthdays and holidays will suck from then on, the child just might end up with 2 of each! That doesn't sound all that bad to me!


Quoting USBrit:

I believe it IS inappropriate for an ex-wife to ask her ex-husband to attend a dinner with her and their son. What part of "EX" do they not all get. AND especially if the husband is remarried, which in this case he is. Why does society make light of divorce? Divorce hurts families, why do we minimize that. If you want the big happy family STAY MARRIED!! Otherwise, yes..birthdays and holidays will SUCK from now on. You may have to choose one parent or the other. You may have to spend holidays alternating between two different houses.  If you want kids to understand why marriage is a commitment that should be taken very seriously............quit making divorce so pretty....it is ugly and hurts families. When we stop putting a bow on it, then maybe there won't be so many. 

I am sick of everyone saying it is better to take the high road....what? The high road is sticking it out through marriage for the sake of the children, if nothing else. The high road is letting divorce being a teaching tool of what NOT to do. Does that mean that the children have to be miserable. NOPE! They can enjoy both their parents at SEPARATE TIMES. Boundaries are so important, but especially in second marriages. Why do we think so many second marriages fail? NO BOUNDARIES!


Humility1
by on Jun. 17, 2013 at 1:16 PM
Exactly this!!! Second marriages fail due to no boundaries, I'm sorry but I guess it depends on the person but even it says in the bible that your wife is a priority before God where does it say your ex wife?


Quoting USBrit:

I believe it IS inappropriate for an ex-wife to ask her ex-husband to attend a dinner with her and their son. What part of "EX" do they not all get. AND especially if the husband is remarried, which in this case he is. Why does society make light of divorce? Divorce hurts families, why do we minimize that. If you want the big happy family STAY MARRIED!! Otherwise, yes..birthdays and holidays will SUCK from now on. You may have to choose one parent or the other. You may have to spend holidays alternating between two different houses.  If you want kids to understand why marriage is a commitment that should be taken very seriously............quit making divorce so pretty....it is ugly and hurts families. When we stop putting a bow on it, then maybe there won't be so many. 

I am sick of everyone saying it is better to take the high road....what? The high road is sticking it out through marriage for the sake of the children, if nothing else. The high road is letting divorce being a teaching tool of what NOT to do. Does that mean that the children have to be miserable. NOPE! They can enjoy both their parents at SEPARATE TIMES. Boundaries are so important, but especially in second marriages. Why do we think so many second marriages fail? NO BOUNDARIES!


Spyswife
by Member on Jun. 17, 2013 at 1:18 PM

If they get along and spouses are invited, sure. 

Just the three of them as a family dinner when they are not a family any longer- it's a little weird. I wouldn't do it with my ex, but I wouldn't think twice about doing it with spouses or S/Os.

pepper504
by Platinum Member on Jun. 17, 2013 at 1:57 PM
1 mom liked this


Quoting jlg12678:

In my situation...sure. My ex and I get along and my dh and sm have never been treated like crap by the other parent. Would either my ex or I request this? No way, unless sm and my dh were included.

My dh refuses to be alone with bm-period. She is not trustworthy. 

What do you feel about it, Lee? 


Same here.

CFSTBSM27
by on Jun. 17, 2013 at 2:12 PM
Me personally I'd be very @_@ if BM even asked but I probably wouldn't say anything don't need to because DH would say NO on his own. He can't stand the person BM is now, he's cordial with her but given the option he'd choose not to be around her..... Also IMO it's a little strange, why suddenly the 12th birthday is it something they've done in the past? Whose idea was it?
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