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Question

Posted by on Jun. 17, 2013 at 9:07 PM
  • 12 Replies
Can someone explain to me why my husband punishes my daughter something horrible but when his kids do the same thing he gets after her for he excuses their behavior or justifies it. I've been sticking up for my kid and fighting tooth and nail to make things fair and it isn't turning out great.
by on Jun. 17, 2013 at 9:07 PM
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jules2boys
by Platinum Member on Jun. 17, 2013 at 9:13 PM
3 moms liked this

You punish your child, he punishes his.  He shouldn't be punishing yours (unless yours is his too).  Other than that, he feels guilty for the divorce/separation from BM and doesn't want his kids not to like him but doesn't care if yours doesn't like him/feels he's fair. 

Candygurl17
by Member on Jun. 17, 2013 at 9:16 PM
I've actually told him not to punish her I don't punish his I tell him if they do something and leave it to him to handle them.


Quoting jules2boys:

You punish your child, he punishes his.  He shouldn't be punishing yours (unless yours is his too).  Other than that, he feels guilty for the divorce/separation from BM and doesn't want his kids not to like him but doesn't care if yours doesn't like him/feels he's fair. 


whatIknownow
by on Jun. 17, 2013 at 9:20 PM
2 moms liked this

it's called the 'biofilter.'


whatIknownow
by on Jun. 17, 2013 at 9:21 PM
2 moms liked this


This suggests to me that he has some kind of resentment, and he is transferring that resentment to his stepchild.

Quoting Candygurl17:

I've actually told him not to punish her I don't punish his I tell him if they do something and leave it to him to handle them.


Quoting jules2boys:

You punish your child, he punishes his.  He shouldn't be punishing yours (unless yours is his too).  Other than that, he feels guilty for the divorce/separation from BM and doesn't want his kids not to like him but doesn't care if yours doesn't like him/feels he's fair. 




Frustrated10
by Bronze Member on Jun. 17, 2013 at 9:27 PM
1 mom liked this

It's called guilt. He is afraid to parent/discipline his own children because he sees them so little. He feels guilty over the fact that his children are now from a broken home.

faerie75
by Ruby Member on Jun. 17, 2013 at 9:31 PM
1 mom liked this
I'd tell him he is No longer allowed to discipline my kid
pdxmum
by Ruby Member on Jun. 17, 2013 at 9:31 PM

Let me ask you this, even though you don't punish his children, do you feel they misbehave?  Do you feel like he lets them get away with stuff?

Polkadotted
by Platinum Member on Jun. 17, 2013 at 9:34 PM
That's what DHs stepdad did to him. He finally moved out and stayed with friend's parents all the time. Their relationship eventually got better.
Candygurl17
by Member on Jun. 17, 2013 at 9:41 PM
Yes he does an example is if my daughter refuses to eat diner he sends her to bed and grounds them his kids do that he just tells then to eat as much as they can and gives them a treat after diner. Another example his son tripped our 2 year old made him fall flat on his face and laughed about it his son got 1 hour in time out and told he could go play after. My daughter had pushed my so over he got upset told me I'd better get her out of his sight before he strangles her. She got grounded for 2 days. Just a few examples


Quoting pdxmum:

Let me ask you this, even though you don't punish his children, do you feel they misbehave?  Do you feel like he lets them get away with stuff?


pdxmum
by Ruby Member on Jun. 17, 2013 at 9:45 PM

You both need to understand the concept of boil filters like someone mentioned earlier.  As bio parents, we get used to certain behaviors of our children that we find frustrating in other children.  Ad not just skids, also our kids friends will be annoying doing the same thing our kid is doing but not annoying to us.

you need to talk about it, acknowledge it, be aware of it and re-set expectations.


Quoting Candygurl17:

Yes he does an example is if my daughter refuses to eat diner he sends her to bed and grounds them his kids do that he just tells then to eat as much as they can and gives them a treat after diner. Another example his son tripped our 2 year old made him fall flat on his face and laughed about it his son got 1 hour in time out and told he could go play after. My daughter had pushed my so over he got upset told me I'd better get her out of his sight before he strangles her. She got grounded for 2 days. Just a few examples


Quoting pdxmum:

Let me ask you this, even though you don't punish his children, do you feel they misbehave?  Do you feel like he lets them get away with stuff?




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