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Right of first refusal

Posted by on Jun. 17, 2013 at 10:03 PM
  • 15 Replies
Am I the only BM that didn't care to have it?

My kids dad was never unfit and I trusted they were safe in his care. If that is not true for the BD I can see wanting it.
by on Jun. 17, 2013 at 10:03 PM
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Replies (1-10):
momof2ex1
by Ruby Member on Jun. 17, 2013 at 10:24 PM
Well... I have two answers for this. ROFR was standard when I seperated. The courts feel that if one parent is not going to be available the other should have the right to extra time with the child. So it was automatically put in. It didn't work out though. What ended up happening is that ex would just lie to me and never offer it.

When we went back I said I didn't like it and felt like it was driving me nuts that I was the only one offering ROFR while the other parent was not. My lawyer also agreed that it can often be a pain in the ass if there are no stipulations on it. Like more than 8 hours and that it doesn't include time with friends or grandparents. So we took it out.

Well now we are asking for it again and the reason is because my ex is working out of state. Not just the next state over but literally 24 hours drive away and a plane ride. My dd doesn't have the familial ties to his family that a lot of kids might and doesn't want to be with Sm if dad isn't there. I enjoy having my child so I would rather her be here when he is working out of state. My situation is different and therefore my opinion on it is different. I don't trust my ex. I don't trust his wife. So yes. I want ROFR - it's needed. I want a way to enforce it. We will see how it plays out in a few weeks!
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CampClan
by Bronze Member on Jun. 17, 2013 at 10:28 PM
I don't have it. But then again if he can't take the kids on his days off then he just doesn't get them. He doesn't have overnights or EOWE because he doesn't have a place large enough to accomadate all of them plus GF & son.

And since he has been with GF for almost 5 years & they have a son together I guess if he had them & something work related came up he could leave them with her til his time was up... or until she got tired of them. Lol MY OPINION... she wanted my husband she gets everything that goes with it! Including the kids when it's his visitation time!
CampClan
by Bronze Member on Jun. 17, 2013 at 10:36 PM
My best friend has ROFR with her DDs dad (she was not married to him but they went through a nasty custody battle).

Their visitation with dad is 7pm Sat to 7pm Tues. He works for a large recreational sales company & has to work every other Sunday. On those weekends he is suppose to email her 72 hours in advance & tell her if he has to work or not. If he does he gets the girls 7pm Sunday to 7pm Tuesday. He has in the past said he doesn't have to work & then been "caught" lying. Mom called ODD & was told "we brought Daddy lunch at work"!! Best friend had her lawyer make a stipulation that if ex was "caught" he forfeited his next Sunday & couldn't have the girls til 7pm rather than 7pm Sat.


Quoting momof2ex1:

Well... I have two answers for this. ROFR was standard when I seperated. The courts feel that if one parent is not going to be available the other should have the right to extra time with the child. So it was automatically put in. It didn't work out though. What ended up happening is that ex would just lie to me and never offer it.



When we went back I said I didn't like it and felt like it was driving me nuts that I was the only one offering ROFR while the other parent was not. My lawyer also agreed that it can often be a pain in the ass if there are no stipulations on it. Like more than 8 hours and that it doesn't include time with friends or grandparents. So we took it out.



Well now we are asking for it again and the reason is because my ex is working out of state. Not just the next state over but literally 24 hours drive away and a plane ride. My dd doesn't have the familial ties to his family that a lot of kids might and doesn't want to be with Sm if dad isn't there. I enjoy having my child so I would rather her be here when he is working out of state. My situation is different and therefore my opinion on it is different. I don't trust my ex. I don't trust his wife. So yes. I want ROFR - it's needed. I want a way to enforce it. We will see how it plays out in a few weeks!
PumpkinSpice8
by Silver Member on Jun. 17, 2013 at 10:37 PM
I didn't want it... It would have made things more difficult in my situation.
Tinkerbellmama
by Platinum Member on Jun. 17, 2013 at 10:38 PM

DH doesn't have it, but I wish he did, only because we can't trust BM to leave SD with appropriate care.

SassyMom25
by Gold Member on Jun. 17, 2013 at 10:42 PM

I had never heard of it until I joined this group. It was not feasible in BM and DHs CO as it is LD. If we lived closer to each other, then I would definitely encourage DH to get something like this in his CO.

MommySabs
by Gold Member on Jun. 17, 2013 at 11:00 PM
I wasn't clear on it previous to cafemom either.

I don't have it in my co neither does dh. For me it would be a huge pain just like momof2 I would likely be the only one offering. Also I'm sure it would become a huge pain and a reason to be dragged back to court constantly. 'she went to the corner store and didn't offer me the ten minutes she was gone'.
I know that isn't the intention for the rule but exh goes through spans of deciding he his Superdad to the point of crazy and then he goes back to being practically nonexistent.


Quoting SassyMom25:

I had never heard of it until I joined this group. It was not feasible in BM and DHs CO as it is LD. If we lived closer to each other, then I would definitely encourage DH to get something like this in his CO.


chasinrainbows
by Gold Member on Jun. 18, 2013 at 12:15 AM
I honestly never even heard of it before this group, lol. I have my kids most of the time anyway.

DF originally requested this in his recent modification but later decided not to bother. Why? Because the ONLY time BM would offer it was when the kids were really really sick and she didn't want to miss work. He works too so that didn't work out.
miss_AP
by on Jun. 18, 2013 at 12:18 AM

I have it....exh is a good dad and for the most part i don't worry about them in his care (I mean, stupid things like he refuses to follow schedule, and he has crappy nutrition for them, but he gives the little one her meds daily). But....I wanted this in place for some time down the road. If he remarries and they want to go for a trip...i want him to have to ask me to watch the kids before leaving them with a teenage stepchild....or a new spouse's sister or something.....

jules2boys
by Platinum Member on Jun. 18, 2013 at 12:34 AM

I don't have ROFR in my CO.  BF set the CO and didn't include it.  However, that said, I have ROFR when he can't be with the kids.  I don't offer it to him.  He was never available and then he moved too far away (didn't make sense) and his work schedule rarely made him available anyway.  He's never complained about it so I've not made changes either.  SM never keeps the boyson her own so I'm his other option.  SMs family doesn't keep the boys and we're all good with that.  xMIL does but she coordinates with me, not her DS (BF), and always has.  xMIL lives near me so it makes more sense. 

I did/do find BF unfit but not harmful, more clueless really.  Now that the boys are older (10 and 15) I really don't worry about it too much.  I've raised them to  know what to do and right from wrong, even to contridict BF is necessary (or any other adult). 

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