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who else hates the legal system??

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bm is sitting in treatment right now after overdosing. we contacted social services who told us this isnt a cps issue because the kids werent home when mom od'd. we contacted a lawyer who told us "it takes a whole lot more for a mom to lose her parental rights." the lawyer wouldnt take our case. so basically when she gets out of treatment she can take sd home with her. did i mention this is the second time shes been in treatment within 2 weeks? how about the fact that sd was just being molested by moms bf a few months ago but social services turned the case down because there was no actual proof, other than a 3 year olds very detail accusations. im so angry right now. i could go on for hours about the things we have done to protect this child and the things bm has done to harm her. what about this child's right to be safe, have a safe loving home, and to be happy?!?! what the hell should my hubby and i do to save her?! help!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
by on Jun. 18, 2013 at 2:59 AM
Replies (11-17):
chanizen
by Platinum Member on Jun. 19, 2013 at 5:21 AM
1 mom liked this
I think you are confused. Having a full conversation and describing things in detail are very different. 3 year olds do not have the vocabulary, logic or semantic structure to make a reliable in depth detailed report. And they are notoriously amenable to coaching and confusing,say, a rated r movie with reality. Which is why there needs to be other evidence. For all we know, she was coached in an attempt to remove the child from their parent. That is why evidence is needed. A therapist who is trained to elicit reports is usually used or physical evidence is required. If the child is being abused it is far better to get her in therapy or watch for physical signs than it is to moan that cos is unfair,
Quoting ChelseNichole:

I disagree. My cousin son is three...and since he was two he has been able to have FULL conversations with you. My younger step brother (13) had a conversation with him when we were at the shore last summer and asked me afterwards how old he was and when I told him two...He couldn't believe it. Every child is different.

Quoting chanizen:

I understand your frustration.

I have a 3.5 year old who is HIGHLY verbal. A three year old does not have the verbal skills to make a highly detailed description. Unfortunately, there does need to be other proof or a psychologist involved.

You can document. Your dh can offer to take sd while bm finishes treatment. He can request right if first refusal so he can get first dibs on watching sd. Would bm give the child over on extra weekend days (so bm gets time to "rest and relax". -- aka keeping the child safe during more dangerous times if bm is a weekend partier)

Problem is, far too many people try the CPs route to exact revenge. Sucks, right? False reports are a dirty, dirty weapon because it eats at the credibility if real ones. There is a special circle in hell for those folks.

I feel like there is more to this story. What is tfe relationship between and dh like? How did they spilt? What is the custody situation? What did bm overdose on? is she in treatment?



Tillymommie
by Silver Member on Jun. 19, 2013 at 7:02 PM

Nope, you can go to the court and file for it. Dh did it with SS and my Gpa did it when I was a child. They were both told they just need said child in physical custody at that moment and filed. Then it remained that way till court.

Quoting stashia:

dh was told he needed a lawyer to file the emergency custody, the lawyer told him he wouldnt help him.
Quoting WifeyC:

Why has your DH not filed for emergency custody by now?  Stop asking other people to handle it and file himself.



Mother is the name for God on the lips and hearts of all children. Do you understand? ~The Crow

momof2ex1
by Ruby Member on Jun. 19, 2013 at 7:39 PM
Are there no other lawyers in your area?


Quoting stashia:

dh was told he needed a lawyer to file the emergency custody, the lawyer told him he wouldnt help him.



Quoting WifeyC:

Why has your DH not filed for emergency custody by now?  Stop asking other people to handle it and file himself.




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soonergirl980
by Gold Member on Jun. 19, 2013 at 7:54 PM
1 mom liked this


When my ODD was 3 she was very well spoken and could have a conversation with you. She had this thing every day where the night before she had crazy animal parties in her walls. Miniature animals lived in her bedroom wall and would invite her over every night. Each day it was a flowery, funny, crazy details about these wild parties she went to. We always played along and would say things like oh yeah did Hilda the Purple Hippo say hi I saw her at the grocery store and she said she was making some tuna fish sandwiches for the party. DD would always say things like Oh yeah she said to tell you hi and her sandwiches where really good she had pickles in them.

Point of the story. Yes some 3 year olds can talk and have conversations They are not however reliable witnesses. they lack the skills to separate reality from fiction and they are highly susceptible to suggestive ideas. Just because my daughter was able to give a detailed report of the previous nights activities did not mean the report was accurate and I certainly did not see Hilda the Hippo at the grocery store but I certainly could suggest to my daughter that I did.

Quoting ChelseNichole:

I disagree. My cousin son is three...and since he was two he has been able to have FULL conversations with you. My younger step brother (13) had a conversation with him when we were at the shore last summer and asked me afterwards how old he was and when I told him two...He couldn't believe it. Every child is different.

Quoting chanizen:

I understand your frustration.

I have a 3.5 year old who is HIGHLY verbal. A three year old does not have the verbal skills to make a highly detailed description. Unfortunately, there does need to be other proof or a psychologist involved.

You can document. Your dh can offer to take sd while bm finishes treatment. He can request right if first refusal so he can get first dibs on watching sd. Would bm give the child over on extra weekend days (so bm gets time to "rest and relax". -- aka keeping the child safe during more dangerous times if bm is a weekend partier)

Problem is, far too many people try the CPs route to exact revenge. Sucks, right? False reports are a dirty, dirty weapon because it eats at the credibility if real ones. There is a special circle in hell for those folks.

I feel like there is more to this story. What is tfe relationship between and dh like? How did they spilt? What is the custody situation? What did bm overdose on? is she in treatment?




Doodle39
by Bronze Member on Jun. 19, 2013 at 7:54 PM


He should be able to do it pro se. Which means he can represent himself.  Also, there is often legal assistance through the courts.

Quoting stashia:

dh was told he needed a lawyer to file the emergency custody, the lawyer told him he wouldnt help him.
Quoting WifeyC:

Why has your DH not filed for emergency custody by now?  Stop asking other people to handle it and file himself.




Doodle39
by Bronze Member on Jun. 19, 2013 at 8:13 PM

Yes, life can be frustrating.  It's hard to send a child into situations that are unsafe.  However, if you are villigant while the courts aren't perfect, they're helpful.  I feel your pain. I worry every time Ss leaves. I'm thankful every time BM seems to be doing well.  It's a hard and emotional journey.  But, if BM continues to struggle over time, it becomes apparent and is reflected in the CO.  Unfortunately it often won't reflect sole custody.  The good thing is she is in treatment.  Did she admit herself or was it CO? Cross your fingers,say a prayer and keep going through the process.  I've been shocked what the courts view as acceptable, but the system has not completely failed us.  What is considered in a court process has to be evident and the system can't be punitive to those seeking help.  It has to protects parent rights as well as children rights.  In the long run the child needs healthy parents. So, is treatment so bad?

whatIknownow
by Emerald Member on Jun. 19, 2013 at 8:16 PM

I haven't read the replies.

In my sitch, the legal system has been very good to me. Both as a BM, and as the wife of a CP father.

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