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Having problem with grown stepson

Posted by on Jun. 18, 2013 at 10:22 AM
  • 11 Replies

I need to get some advise from all Moms or grandmoms out there.

Here's a little background: My husband and I have been married for 15 years. When we started dating we had four children between the two of us; 2 girls were mine and 2 boys were his. During the course of relationship, my husband adopted my two daughter, after their father signed over his parental rights to avoid having to pay child support. Our children are now 24, 23, 22 and 19. We are now grandparents to two wonderful grandsons. Our daughter is a mother of a 4 year and they live at home with my husband and I. The other children do not.

So, here is my problem: My oldest step son, who is 23, has been very phyically with our grandson, who is 4, and lives with us and our single daughter. So, this past weekend, I came from work and was standing out front with the neighbors and my 23 year old step son. While standing there talking, my 4 year old grandson went up and hit my 23 year old step son. My step son then lifted my grandson up in the air and threw him on the ground, head first. I was so furious, as this behavior has happened in the past. I immediately checked my grandson, who ran to his mother in the house crying. I then turned my attention to my grown step son and yelled at him. My step son said that he was hit and was not going to take that from a 4 year old. He then hoped in his truck and took off. Even the neighbors that were present during this could not believe their eyes and said that he actions were not justifed.

I phones my husband, who was not home yet from work and explained what had just happened. Instead of defending our 4 year old grandson and he said that it sounds like the 23 year had a reason to hit our grandson. My husband did call the 23 year olf, only to be laughing with him and insuring him that he was the victim in this. So, two day later was Father's Day and my step son called his father early in the day and said that he will not be able to make our Father's Day lunch. My other step son, 19, followed suit and did not attend as well. It as now been a few days since this occurred and my husband still refused to speak to me. He tells me that I am making something out of nothing. My husband has now decided not to speak with out grandson, who lives with us.

I am so furious with my stepson and don't know what to do. Am I making more of out of this? I need some advise. Please reply.

 

by on Jun. 18, 2013 at 10:22 AM
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Replies (1-10):
LoveMy2x4
by on Jun. 18, 2013 at 10:30 AM

Sounds like they take after their Dad...... 

kstamand
by on Jun. 18, 2013 at 10:57 AM

I agreeing their are acting their father. Am I wrong to still be hanging onto my frustation with my stepson? Am I making more out of it? I don't how I can look at my step son knowing that he has hurt my 4 year old grandson? So many questions and no answers.

 

Frustrated10
by Bronze Member on Jun. 18, 2013 at 11:02 AM

Wow, I don't know what I would do to the stepson if he had thrown my grandchild head first. Your husband doesn't understand how serious that was? I can't stand parents who can't admit their children can do anything wrong.

Tigress22304
by Platinum Member on Jun. 18, 2013 at 11:03 AM

ok well when your grandson ends up in the hospital with broken bones because of his asshole uncle-tell your husband to have fun explaining to cps and the cops all about his "victim son of a 4yr old"

faerie75
by Platinum Member on Jun. 18, 2013 at 11:09 AM
Wtf? The kid is 4. He deserved discipline, sure but not abuse. Your husband and his sons sound like a bunch of assholes.
amantonacci
by Gold Member on Jun. 18, 2013 at 11:24 AM
Why is your husband such an ass?
DDDaysh
by on Jun. 18, 2013 at 12:45 PM

 Without having seen what actually happened, I can't make a judgement call on this. 

It is possibly that your SS and DH are horribly wrong and are willing to abuse a child, in which case you'd need to make sure your SS isn't ever around your grandson again. 

It is also possible that you saw something with grandmother eyes and they saw something completely different and your grandson was never in any real danger.  In which case you would be overreacting. 

But without actually having seen it...  can't say which. 

kstamand
by on Jun. 18, 2013 at 1:18 PM

My husband saw nothing. He was not even home from work. He heard from me following the episode. I just wish that my husband would have my back and understand that my SS could have really hurt OUR grandson. I think that my husband is more concerned on how our neighbors preceive my SS and is not really concerned with the grandson. If this was the first time, then maybe I may be making something out of nothing. This kind of behavior from my step son has been going on for about the last year. I typically try to separate the 23 year old from the 4 year old.

Bertieb
by Bronze Member on Jun. 18, 2013 at 1:50 PM

Throwing a four year old on the ground head first should have caused a concussion or worse if he landed as you describe. It sounds like a crime. Since he ran inside crying afterward I guess it wasn't as violent as I imagined. However, retaliation by a 23 year old is not appropriate unless it is sitting him down and telling him that his behavior was out of line and he is in time out. The mother is responsible for coming out and handling anything further I think. If rough play is what he is used too with your SS, then I can see where the little one didn't know it was so wrong. I think the problem is twofold. The dynamic between the child and uncle needs to be changed now, and the men need to stop pouting about the incident and admit they are wrong. They are going to make this little one just like them.

leegirl_jm
by Platinum Member on Jun. 18, 2013 at 2:17 PM

That is not his kid, he had no right putting his hands on the 4 year old and your husband is an idiot for not recognizing that his kid was out of line.

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