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Does BM continue their relationship with the EX in laws? EDIT PAGE 7 NEW QUESTION

Posted by on Jun. 18, 2013 at 11:45 AM
  • 78 Replies
My fiance's ex keeps up a relationship with his parents. Actually they have a better relationship with her than with us. She still calls them mom and dad, kept their family name so far, etc... It makes me uncomfortable bc i feel like they are almost favoring her over me and our son. Since I have been with their son, his life is a 100 percent turn around. He still has problems but went from being depressed to the point of suicidal to being very happy. He has a better job and feels like he has a future. He says it was his chance to start over. She on the other hand lies, cheats, uses people, has been on drugs for 20 years, has tried to kill herself and their kids multiple times....

Is it normal for the BM to keep acting as though they were never separate? Is it normal for the in laws to want that relationship? How does it make you feel?

I honestly wonder if BM is exploiting her relationship with them by making them feel sorry for her and uses it to get information about our life. (She has tried everything to get him back but told him in a round about way she only wants him bc he has a good job now)


I think it is great that people can still have relationships, even if it is only on a civil level for kids.

For the people that think it is not my business, it becomes my business when BM starts stuff about our family.

No this is not a troll post, she has mental problems and will be two totally different people within ten minutes. I don't ask anyone to choose sides, its not war!! Lol

This is just for curiosity not to bash anyone. :)
by on Jun. 18, 2013 at 11:45 AM
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Replies (1-10):
LoveMy2x4
by on Jun. 18, 2013 at 11:50 AM

I have a very good relationship with my ex in-laws and so does my SO. My ex's family LOVES my SO. But, my ex has all but disappeared from my kids lives and from his families as well. They have no relationship at all with ex's fiance. They actually dont even have her phone number, but they all have my SO's.

BM is drifting further and further from SO's family. She remained close with them at first, but the more stuff she does the more they dont like her. 

How long have they been divorced and how old are their children together? Does your fiance bring the kids around his parents often?

faerie75
by Platinum Member on Jun. 18, 2013 at 11:51 AM
3 moms liked this
You are probably right. She probably is being a mole and keeping up the relationship partly to be nosey. But she also has been in the family for 20 years. And you are new. So instead of trying to tell these ppl they should take your side, why not just not expect ppl to take sides?

If you and your man don't trust his family, don't tell them personal things. Of you are just afraid his ex will "find out about you" well of you ain't doing anything wrong who gives a shit? Do you and live your life.
KnowItAll
by Silver Member on Jun. 18, 2013 at 11:51 AM
I don't have a relationship with my ex in-laws. However, I don't think it's strange that some do. My mom has always been extremely close to my dad's family even though they divorced when I was 10. My mom still goes to their family reunions every year.

If the in-laws want to continue the relationship then I think it's fine. You need to deal with your insecurity.
Tillymommie
by Silver Member on Jun. 18, 2013 at 11:59 AM

I am still close to my XILs.  They like my new DH.  My X's aunt and cousins talk to be regularly and have babysat the kids, DS,SS and DD(who is DH's) My XMIL Fb and texts me and holds DD whenever I see her.

I am still invited to family gatherings. They are like that with any X that they like. XH warned me when we got married and reminded me when we divorced, I am family for life since we ended on decent terms. LOL

His So has no problem with it but she and I get along so it isn't awkward when we are around each other.

LoveMy2x4
by on Jun. 18, 2013 at 12:00 PM
1 mom liked this

My Dad is actually the person in charge of my Mom's ex stepmom's living will.

My mom and dad divorced when I was 5. 

Once you're in our family, there's no getting out!


Quoting KnowItAll:

I don't have a relationship with my ex in-laws. However, I don't think it's strange that some do. My mom has always been extremely close to my dad's family even though they divorced when I was 10. My mom still goes to their family reunions every year.

If the in-laws want to continue the relationship then I think it's fine. You need to deal with your insecurity.



packermomof2
by on Jun. 18, 2013 at 12:04 PM

It's none of your business who your inlaws have a relationship with.

I still talk to my ex inlaws, not the point that this mom does.  But I never cared if it bothered former SM; apparently the ex inlaws didn't either. 

WifeyC
by Platinum Member on Jun. 18, 2013 at 12:05 PM

BM used to have a good relationship with MIL until she went off on her about DH.  When BM snapped everyone got a taste of it and MIL now wants nothing to do with her.

cLanief
by Bronze Member on Jun. 18, 2013 at 12:08 PM
My xh's mom still talked to one of his first serious gfs... I had no problem with it. My so's xw is still fam to so's parents but they have kids together.. I see nothing wrong with it. I am also on friendly terms with my xinlaws... I have their grand kids so its expected.
jules2boys
by Gold Member on Jun. 18, 2013 at 12:21 PM

How long were your fiance and his EX married/together?  How long have they been divorced/separated? 

I'm very close to xMIL, I'm somewhat close to xFIL and BFs half-sisters.  When BF and I separated, xMIL (and xGMIL then too) and I talked and decided that we weren't breaking our friendship because of BFs choices.  Our friendship had much more to do with us than BF anyway.  xMIL is a delight, she's a wonderful lady!  I love her. She loves me.  She loves my family (extended).  We're still a family, even if BF decided to move on and start a new family.  Heck, when XH moved (with SM) xMIL decided to stay with me (she lives about 2 miles from me) instead of moving with her DS.  My mom and I help her out very often and we adore her.  My reasons for staying with her, keeping her friendship and love, had 0% to do with XH or SM.  At first (for the first few years) SM was sure I was doing it to get BF back, but really, truly, that's the last thing I'd ever do.  BF made his choices, I'm never to be one again. 

I have/do remain in the background when BF/SM are there.  I don't intrude.  But they're there so infrequently that it's rather easy to do.  xMIL spends many of her holidays with me, my mom/family, and my boys with BF.  When xFIL and family get together, for a few years they catered to BF/SMs discomfort and didn't invite me, but gave that one up a few years ago and told BF/SM to grow up and get over it and began inviting me/my family to family events again.  See, in their circle, they still invite xMIL to family events, and xMIL and xFIL have been divorced for nearly 40 years now.  If they can do it the girls figured their brother and new SIL could learn to do it too.  The girls still call xMIL 'mom', or rather now, 'Grandma' since they're moms and grandmothers themselves now, but she's still family to them, so they didn't understand why I couldn't still be family to them too.  This is the family XH grew up with so his hesitance in still including me with is family didn't make much sense to anyone other than SM. 

That said, I don't lie, cheat, use people, have never been on drugs in my life and I'm not suidical, never harmed my kids nor myself, and I don't have the same issues BM in your situation has.  Perhaps your future ILs keep BM close to keep an eye out on her, their grandkids, and such in a way that BF or you can't do.  Perhaps she's been in their lives so long, or they fee particularly close to her and want to keep her near. 

Do you really think BM is giving you/BF that much thought in her life to want to keep that close of tabs on the two of you? I can tell you from my experience, BF/SM rarely come up in my conversations with xMIL.  They aren't the reason we remained friends.  They truly only come up if there's an issue/situation involving the boys I share with BF.  Otherwise neither of us speak of them.  We have plenty of other topics that have bonded us that we don't worry about BF/SM. 

Perhaps you are right, perhaps BM is staying close to her xILs to keep tabs on you/BF.  But, so what?  The relationship his parents have with her isn't your business. If BF has a problem with it, he needs to speak to his parents.  It's not up to BM to change what's working for her, regardless of her 'intent' in that relationship.  They are all adults in the situation and are free to keep company with whomever they'd like, for whatever reasons they'd like, even if it doesn't suit you/BF. 

baparrot2
by Platinum Member on Jun. 18, 2013 at 12:22 PM
3 moms liked this

I'm more interested in the little tidbit everyone else seems to keep skimming over.

SHE TRIED TO KILL HER KIDS?!!!!!!!!!!!!

How does she still have them?

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