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OSS

Posted by on Jun. 18, 2013 at 9:17 PM
  • 10 Replies
This post is more of a just need to get my feelings out post but feel free to comment if you have any advice

OSS14 has always been one to struggle academically a lot of it has to do w/his ADHD and some of it has to do with he just doesn't apply himself.

Anyway he told us (DH BM and myself) that he did not have exams last week. He was exempt from exams bc he past his end of year test (here they're called sols) so BM did not make him go to school last tues b/c she thought he had no exams but what she didn't kno was he did not have a sol in English therefore; he was not exempt from that exam and he missed it causing him to get a 0.

Well his English teacher called DH Friday and explained this to him. His teacher even let him come to school yesterday to make it up.

My problem is OSS who is 14 will not take responsibility for anything and has tons of excuses. His excuse for this one is "oh I forgot". Really? I have a hard time believing that one b/c he's been known to tell some whoppers.

I really hope this doesn't seem like a SS bash post b/c it's not. I love this kid, he has a lot of potential I'm just really frustrated and disappointed in him right now.
by on Jun. 18, 2013 at 9:17 PM
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Replies (1-10):
newstepmom61811
by on Jun. 18, 2013 at 9:34 PM
Not your problem...it's hard to stand by And what a kid slip through the cracks because parents won't pay closer attention but it happens...he and a father and mother that should know what the hell is going on in school. The one that needs tough love here...DH. Why was he not on top of this?

My DH is on the email list, gets emailed all the info about upcoming big grades due and any turned in...he stays on top of it.

Very early on we had a few brief encounters where he thought I would be doing his work for him. I told him HELL NO. Especially in my case. My DH chose to fight to be the CP and is, then he is obligated to the kids and I flat out told him if he let his kids down after he fought that fight I would personally drive them myself to BMs house And deliver them to her to give her a shot at doing better by them. We had that fight one single solitary time...never dropped he ball again...he got it...when he has them, he has responsibility...and takes it, all of it... And that means staying on top of their schoolwork.
Leigh84
by Gold Member on Jun. 18, 2013 at 9:44 PM
He is on the email list. I guess he did not realize there wasn't a English sol b/c an e-mail was not sent out. He has done a lot to help SS so has BM


Quoting newstepmom61811:

Not your problem...it's hard to stand by And what a kid slip through the cracks because parents won't pay closer attention but it happens...he and a father and mother that should know what the hell is going on in school. The one that needs tough love here...DH. Why was he not on top of this?



My DH is on the email list, gets emailed all the info about upcoming big grades due and any turned in...he stays on top of it.



Very early on we had a few brief encounters where he thought I would be doing his work for him. I told him HELL NO. Especially in my case. My DH chose to fight to be the CP and is, then he is obligated to the kids and I flat out told him if he let his kids down after he fought that fight I would personally drive them myself to BMs house And deliver them to her to give her a shot at doing better by them. We had that fight one single solitary time...never dropped he ball again...he got it...when he has them, he has responsibility...and takes it, all of it... And that means staying on top of their schoolwork.

pdxmum
by Ruby Member on Jun. 18, 2013 at 10:15 PM

14 is a wonky age.  Does he start HS next year?  They want their freedom and they want to do it on their own but they often can't and need help managing stuff.  Secret is to find the balance between helicopter parenting and ignoring him.

and when you figure it out, let us know.

Leigh84
by Gold Member on Jun. 18, 2013 at 10:19 PM
He just finished his freshman year, he has a late b-day. What do you mean by helicopter parenting? I've heard the term but idk what that means.


Quoting pdxmum:

14 is a wonky age.  Does he start HS next year?  They want their freedom and they want to do it on their own but they often can't and need help managing stuff.  Secret is to find the balance between helicopter parenting and ignoring him.

and when you figure it out, let us know.


pdxmum
by Ruby Member on Jun. 18, 2013 at 10:24 PM


Overly enmeshed, hovering over, over managed.

 Freshman year is hard.  Does he have a planner?  Does he use it?

Quoting Leigh84:

He just finished his freshman year, he has a late b-day. What do you mean by helicopter parenting? I've heard the term but idk what that means.


Quoting pdxmum:

14 is a wonky age.  Does he start HS next year?  They want their freedom and they want to do it on their own but they often can't and need help managing stuff.  Secret is to find the balance between helicopter parenting and ignoring him.

and when you figure it out, let us know.




Leigh84
by Gold Member on Jun. 18, 2013 at 10:32 PM
1 mom liked this
He does have a planner. Everyone has stressed to him the importance of using it but he doesn't always use it.

I understand now what you mean about finding a balance of helicopter parenting and ignoring him


Quoting pdxmum:


Overly enmeshed, hovering over, over managed.

 Freshman year is hard.  Does he have a planner?  Does he use it?


Quoting Leigh84:

He just finished his freshman year, he has a late b-day. What do you mean by helicopter parenting? I've heard the term but idk what that means.





Quoting pdxmum:

14 is a wonky age.  Does he start HS next year?  They want their freedom and they want to do it on their own but they often can't and need help managing stuff.  Secret is to find the balance between helicopter parenting and ignoring him.

and when you figure it out, let us know.







DDDaysh
by on Jun. 19, 2013 at 10:34 AM
1 mom liked this

 This is totally something my son would do if he thought he could get away with it.  This child is immature for his age and probably doesn't REALLY believe in the importance of his education yet.  So, unfortunately, that means that parents do have to keep a measure of control over the situation.  There'a a balance between letting them fail sometimes so that they learn to take responsibility and allowing them to completely shoot themselves in the foot. 

On something like end of course exams, the parents REALLY dropped the ball by allowing the child to skip school without verifying it was ok.  This isn't a half completed project because the child procrastinated until 10pm the night before it was due, it was a final exam and skipping school. 

Leigh84
by Gold Member on Jun. 19, 2013 at 11:03 AM
I agree w/you however; his mother was the one who allowed him to stay home from school that day. DH had nothing to do w/that decision. He was not made aware of it until later.


Quoting DDDaysh:

 This is totally something my son would do if he thought he could get away with it.  This child is immature for his age and probably doesn't REALLY believe in the importance of his education yet.  So, unfortunately, that means that parents do have to keep a measure of control over the situation.  There'a a balance between letting them fail sometimes so that they learn to take responsibility and allowing them to completely shoot themselves in the foot. 


On something like end of course exams, the parents REALLY dropped the ball by allowing the child to skip school without verifying it was ok.  This isn't a half completed project because the child procrastinated until 10pm the night before it was due, it was a final exam and skipping school. 


DDDaysh
by on Jun. 19, 2013 at 11:05 AM

 Ugh...  well...  I guess if she doesn't make a habbit of it there isn't much you can do.  I just don't understand that mentality though.  I'd NEVER take a 14-year-olds word on it that he didn't need to go to school, even if that 14-year-old was the most trustworthy one in the world. 

Quoting Leigh84:

I agree w/you however; his mother was the one who allowed him to stay home from school that day. DH had nothing to do w/that decision. He was not made aware of it until later.


Quoting DDDaysh:

 This is totally something my son would do if he thought he could get away with it.  This child is immature for his age and probably doesn't REALLY believe in the importance of his education yet.  So, unfortunately, that means that parents do have to keep a measure of control over the situation.  There'a a balance between letting them fail sometimes so that they learn to take responsibility and allowing them to completely shoot themselves in the foot. 


On something like end of course exams, the parents REALLY dropped the ball by allowing the child to skip school without verifying it was ok.  This isn't a half completed project because the child procrastinated until 10pm the night before it was due, it was a final exam and skipping school. 


 

bottomline
by Silver Member on Jun. 19, 2013 at 11:35 AM
1 mom liked this

 Youngest SS here almost didn't graduate from HS, because he didn't apply himself either. DH and I were on daily email lists with all of his teachers. We paid for an extra copy of his textbooks to keep at home, to avoid that excuse. Call it what you will, helicopter, involved, restrictive, Beulah ball breaker,  I don't care. We got the child to graduate from HS on time and and walking proud.

It's maddening. Especially when their major problem is laziness. When SS walked across the stage on his graduation day he was lucky DH and I weren't on either side of him as he accepted his diploma. LOL We felt like we had repeated our HS years all over with that child. And we basically did.

We don't regret a single minute of it either. SS has his diploma and that was one less obstacle in his path to success in life. Your SS is lucky the teacher let him make the test up, some wouldn't have been that nice.

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