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Stepmom Central Stepmom Central

Is SO\GF considered a SM to you?

Posted by on Jun. 18, 2013 at 10:05 PM
  • 150 Replies
I have been seeing a few posts lately,which raise this question

If you're not married are you a step mom with step children

what if its common law? What if its a long engagement? What if they all live together?
When and what would situation would a so/gf be taking this title?

I mean no offense to anyone just asking opinions. Lets have at least one post,without people attacking each other :)
by on Jun. 18, 2013 at 10:05 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Graceplustwo
by Bronze Member on Jun. 18, 2013 at 10:09 PM
Worded that wrong.

When and what situation would that title/role be acceptable to a gf/so
pdxmum
by Ruby Member on Jun. 18, 2013 at 10:09 PM

If you can let go of the need to control how this goes, I will give an opinion.  But if every answer needs to meet your standards of politeness, I will pass.

because this can be a heated topic with strong opinions on both sides.  So, are you open to perhaps some heated debate?

Graceplustwo
by Bronze Member on Jun. 18, 2013 at 10:13 PM
I love different perspectives. It can get heated but personal attacks are unnecessary. That's all I mean.
Yes I want to know your opinion , that's why I asked.. Will be interesting


Quoting pdxmum:

If you can let go of the need to control how this goes, I will give an opinion.  But if every answer needs to meet your standards of politeness, I will pass.

because this can be a heated topic with strong opinions on both sides.  So, are you open to perhaps some heated debate?


soonergirl980
by Gold Member on Jun. 18, 2013 at 10:13 PM
2 moms liked this

If you are not married you are not a stepmom.

PumpkinSpice8
by Silver Member on Jun. 18, 2013 at 10:14 PM
2 moms liked this
IMO, if a woman or man has been living with their partner for years and they are sharing finances, household responsibilities, and are both mature adults then, yes, an SO can be referred to as a SM/SF.
Leigh84
by Silver Member on Jun. 18, 2013 at 10:16 PM
1 mom liked this
IMO it would depend on the sitch. The literal meaning of a sp is someone married to the bio parent however, I could understand if a long term s/o or gf who is actively involved felt like a sp
mycrazylifexx
by on Jun. 18, 2013 at 10:21 PM

If it's common law yes. Otherwise no. 

pdxmum
by Ruby Member on Jun. 18, 2013 at 10:22 PM

I used to have very strong opinions that a marriage certificate was unnecessary to be a SM.  Lots of reasons including the fact that not every couple can be legally married.  A long term partner living together, sharing a life, committed for the long haul is what I see as qualification.  

But then DD14 at the time said that SM wasn't SM because dad and SM weren't married anymore.  Mind you, they were together, but they had divorced.  I assumed she was still SM.  DD felt very strongly that marriage was the key to SMhood.  

Now, on these forums, I refer to her as SM still.  She has been around since before my divorce, they have broken up, gotten together, married, divorced, broken up...you see the pattern.  I still think of her as SM, but DDs don't.  They probably know best since they are just bound to break up soon anyway.

So, I still don't see a marriage cert as a necessity, but consistency and certainty even with CODs is measured by marriage and we always like to say what the kids think is important.

krazykiddles
by on Jun. 18, 2013 at 10:23 PM

If your not married or common law you are not a step-parent.  Dating long-term does not count either.  I don't know what my ex and his gf are but I don't acknowlege her as my kids step-mom.  They haven't shown me anything that makes them married.

KLBrown
by Bronze Member on Jun. 18, 2013 at 10:31 PM
Much like you're not a wife until you're married, you're not a SM until you're married to a man with kids.

I am not a SM. I will be, but I'm not yet. In the meantime, we have some pseudo-step situations and that is why I'm here. But I do not say I am a SM, and I don't call them my sk's
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