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SD8 lives with us 95% of the year and sees her mom during breaks from school. During the summer she is here every 2 wks for 2 wks. Last week SD saw an old pack of Dh's cigerettes and asked me to throw them away. I informed her that they were gone but I would throw it away. She in turn told me that while she was at her mom's the week before she saw BM, Bm's boyfriend, Sd's uncle and uncle's girlsfriend rolling and smoking skinny cigerettes. She told me they smell weird and they are in yellow and red paper. I told her that is not healthy and she told me that her mom says it makes her feel better.

Dh has talked to bm about it before. Pot is illegal in Missouri and although we can't say much when sd isn't there however when she it I would hope that BM would have enough common since to not smoke around her kid. I guess we are wrong. Dh said he doesn't know what to do because it doesn't sound like BM is really listening to Dh. So I called a therapist and told her the situation. I said told her that SD would be best if dh was in the room at first and she'd be fine playing in the waiting room or in a corner while she talks to dh about the situation. She sounded very concerned and kept telling me that getting professional documentation was the best way to go about this. I told her that Sd needs these visits with her mom because SD is on the Autism spectrum and deals with a lot of abandonment issues with bm. So she needs that time with her mom but I want her to be safe while she is there and I'm not sure that smoking pot infront of a kid who is almost 9 and special needs is a safe enviroment.

I just want to know what to expect tomorrow. Is the therapist legally required to call DFS? Will she tell us before she does that? We have seen a therapist before with her but never because of her mom's illegal activity.

by on Jun. 18, 2013 at 11:45 PM
Replies (11-20):
mamaBerg85
by Silver Member on Jun. 19, 2013 at 5:49 PM
I don't like it but I don't think u understand. I love my husband but this is one thing we disagree on. He sees it as bad parenting but I see it as mentally harmful. If I make that call then I have a husband who says I overstepped when he could have taken care of it. If a therapist says let's make this call or I'm required to make this call then he's more likely to understand that it's her job. I think someone has to respect that I'm looking for a 3rd party because I don't want to hurt mine and dh relationship because of bms mistakes. Sd is here now and if this becomes a CPS issue here is where she will stay.


Quoting bottomline:

 It will effect your job. You are a mandatory reporter. How far your boss will take it is another matter completely.


A therapist has an obligation to report as well. So expect her to report the pot usage. It has to be done, it's her job.


I understand SD needing time with her bm but I don't understand why this illegal drug issue is causing you to sway back and forth.  It's wrong to smoke pot, it's really wrong to smoke pot in front of a 9 year old. It needs to be reported so that SD doesn't have to be exposed to it any longer.


mamaBerg85
by Silver Member on Jun. 19, 2013 at 7:03 PM
Now I'm thinking it was tobacco. Sd told me it was brown and told dh they had ran out of regular cigarettes right before hand.
ChelseNichole
by Chelse on Jun. 19, 2013 at 7:45 PM

She shouldn't be using illegal drugs in front of SD period. No one should. ESPECIALLY if she see's her very seldomly as it is. She has PLENTY of time to do what she pleases when SD is with you and DH. 

Humility1
by on Jun. 19, 2013 at 9:02 PM
Wow, I think that you should report it because this will effect your job whatever it is, bio m is doing something illegal. I am a social worker so I know that by law if the therapist reports it this will effect your job. The only reason why I think that you should report it is because not only is this not good for your stepdaughter it's not good for you and your job as well. It's my personal opinion, but pray on it and jut do what you feel is right, take care and God bless:)
HilbillyMamaof3
by on Jun. 19, 2013 at 9:28 PM
I know in our state she is required to call CPS (that is what it is called here), but smoking pot will not remove a child from a home. They come in and do a mouth swab if only marijuana shows up-- I really don't know what they do, keep coming back, maybe a court date but the child is not removed. But the system here seems very relaxed- IMO. Good luck to you, sounds like a mess.
Humility1
by on Jun. 19, 2013 at 9:40 PM
Oh I understand yes I agree u don't want you and your husband's relationship to be jeopardized. I'm sorry that your in this mess, I guess dh just needs to think about this, it's his call. The safe thing is that your concerned, you love him, this is wht an potentially happen to his daughter, but really it's up to him, at least in that way you are respecting and not overstepping boundaries with him.
mamaBerg85
by Silver Member on Jun. 19, 2013 at 9:43 PM
So it wouldn't be good for me to talk to a therapist and work with a therapist to report it? Like I said I'm pretty sure now it's tobacco she's talking about. Also I don't uunderstand why reporting it with the support of a therapist is a bad idea. I mean could I not just say I've never filed a report and with my first being such a sensitive personal situation I wanted support doing so. I think that is reasonable right?


Quoting Humility1:

Wow, I think that you should report it because this will effect your job whatever it is, bio m is doing something illegal. I am a social worker so I know that by law if the therapist reports it this will effect your job. The only reason why I think that you should report it is because not only is this not good for your stepdaughter it's not good for you and your job as well. It's my personal opinion, but pray on it and jut do what you feel is right, take care and God bless:)

Humility1
by on Jun. 19, 2013 at 9:57 PM
Yea this is reasonable, it is actually good for you to work wih a therapist about this matter.it's like getting professional advice on what is the best clinical a nd cautious way to approach this. The therapist would have good insight and interventions to solve this:)
mamaBerg85
by Silver Member on Jun. 19, 2013 at 10:39 PM
Thank u I'm kind of nervous for Friday to come. U know if we do find out it was pot then I pray dh doesn't send sd down there or at least makes it a requirement that sd stays at her great grandmas while she is there and bm can visit at her house. I told dh that I don't agree with it but sd isn't mine so I guess my opinion is just that my opinion. He told me that she's more mine then bms and that I should be allowed to express my opinion. I know what he means. Hes always good about recognizing what I do for sd. She might not have my dna and I might not have any legal rights but to my husband and our families sd is just as mine as she is his. I know what he means but at the same time that is just how he feels. Bm doesn't see it that way and niether does a judge. Sorry if I'm rambling its been an eventful night.


Quoting Humility1:

Yea this is reasonable, it is actually good for you to work wih a therapist about this matter.it's like getting professional advice on what is the best clinical a nd cautious way to approach this. The therapist would have good insight and interventions to solve this:)

Humility1
by on Jun. 19, 2013 at 10:53 PM
Your welcome!! I know your nervous, just pray and Give it to god:) Your husband and my husband are similar, we both don't have ther dna, but we treat them with love, and our h live is for that!! I know what you mean, stepson's biomom is on drugs and so I play an active role in his life. However, I just always leave the decision to husband only because in my case we have fought over stepson many times. So, that's the only reason why I said that:) stepson's grandparents have always undermined my authority over stepson. I know it's been an eventful day but The Lord will always be there for you:)


Quoting mamaBerg85:

Thank u I'm kind of nervous for Friday to come. U know if we do find out it was pot then I pray dh doesn't send sd down there or at least makes it a requirement that sd stays at her great grandmas while she is there and bm can visit at her house. I told dh that I don't agree with it but sd isn't mine so I guess my opinion is just that my opinion. He told me that she's more mine then bms and that I should be allowed to express my opinion. I know what he means. Hes always good about recognizing what I do for sd. She might not have my dna and I might not have any legal rights but to my husband and our families sd is just as mine as she is his. I know what he means but at the same time that is just how he feels. Bm doesn't see it that way and niether does a judge. Sorry if I'm rambling its been an eventful night.




Quoting Humility1:

Yea this is reasonable, it is actually good for you to work wih a therapist about this matter.it's like getting professional advice on what is the best clinical a nd cautious way to approach this. The therapist would have good insight and interventions to solve this:)


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