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Are they Dead Beat Dads or Dads just sick of BM drama?

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Ok my question is do you think that all the dead beat dads out there are really dead beats or they got sick of all the baby mama drama and stop seeing their kids. 

I mean don't get me wrong I know plenty of friends where their kids BD haven't seen then since they were a few weeks old and now the kids like 12.  Heck some of my friends BD they haven't seen in 20-30 yrs.  So I understand that some dads are just dead beats. 

But then my question is I read all these horror stories with all these BM and there are some BM on here that are like my BD is a POS and bla bla bla.  And I wonder if the BD just got sick and tired of dealing with BM and all her shit.  And BD just said enough was enough and couldn't take all the BM drama.  I mean cuz some BM are bitter and mean.  And some BM keep the kids from BD so that BD can't see them unless he jumps through all these hoops and sometimes there is no hoops BM is just being a bitch and says nope you can't see my kids.  So then the kids think BD is a dead beat when he really isn't that it is BM being a bitch.  I am not tiring to stir the pot or anything I was just thinking about this and wondered about all this.  What are your thought or opinions on this. 

by on Jun. 19, 2013 at 1:39 AM
Replies (61-62):
by on Jun. 24, 2013 at 7:36 AM
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I am sorry your dealing with it too.   Its exhausting.. stressful and heartbreaking.  

Quoting sarahfire:

This is what has happened to us. DH is very sad but feels there isn't anything he can do at this point. Younger SD hasn't been over in a year and a half, because she is mad at her dad for attempting to discipline her. Older SD told her dad after last weekend that she would not come back over (she saw a mouse, freaked out at 4am and called someone to come get her, didn't even wake us up, we did not know she was gone until the morning) because "she can't live like that." DH was very hurt, offended, and angry with her. He isn't the one to shut them out though, he has always told them they can come over anytime they want and so have I.

Quoting tiredmama42:

I consider deadbeats the ones who disappear and dont pay child support.   But yes I can see men giving up.  Some BM's use the kids as pawns.   For instance how many times do you drive 2 1/2 hours to pick up kids and they are not there because BM said they could go to their boyfriends?  Or the Parental Alienation part is embedded into the kids and they never have time for dad.   Or the only time they do decide to respond to a call or text is when they want something.. phones, cars, etc.. and if dad says he cant afford it then the kids refuse to talk to him for a year.    Or BM Cheats on BF and BF to be allowed to see his kids and try to work it out with her had to get a PO BOX for BM still to collect CS while living together then cheats on him again and all her hatred is directed towards him for years.  Some men do get walked all over.. they get tired of the fighting and defending themselves.    I wouldnt consider a man who keeps trying a deadbeat.. but human and can only take so much. 


by on Jun. 24, 2013 at 8:32 AM

I think that as long as he is paying his child support, he is not considered a deadbeat. It all depends on the situation. Some NCPs have to deal with a lot of issues and the CP isn't helping matters. In our case, DH's BM has caused nonstop issues and half the time doesn't even realize it. She doesn't discipline SD which causes SD to constantly be in trouble at our house. (She's almost 3 and still working through potty training among other issues) My daughter is a special needs child who is currently sitting in the hospital yet again, and while trying to deal with all of this, we are dealing with trying to counteract BM's lack of discipline. We almost made the decision to walk away temporarily from SD just to try to get my daughter back on track and to where she's supposed to be developmentally, so I can see why some NCP's do that. If there are issues in CP's household that are causing issues in NCP's house, or there are issues in NCP's house that make things difficult to deal with or if the problems are so bad that other children are being affected, I thin it is okay to at least temporarily step back. I do feel that the issue should be revisited every so often to try again, though.

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