I am new to this site and new to being a step mom.
I am getting married to man with 4 sons and a very high conflict relationship with his ex-wife.
Just a little background-
Dad has 50/50 shared parenting with ex, the boys are with him everyother week. They want to live with him, they cry everytime they go back to their Moms. I don't want to speak unfairly about the Mother, she has a difficult time disiplining, parenting the kids. She is easliy stressed out and it doesn't help matters that the oldest runs to Dad everytime Mom punishes him. They are back in court, this time fighting for full custody, Dad is claiming emtional abuse and Mom is claiming that Dad is manipulating. It is a very stressful time for the kids and on top of that stress, we bought a house and are all moving in together in a month. (This was not planned well I admit)
My question is this.... Dad feels bad about only seeing the kids for "half their life" so they have a late bedtime and the oldest starts in Dads bed everynight and by midnight they are all in Dads bed. After many discusions about this we decided that we would make the move when the kids felt comfortable and safe in their own bed. We both agreed that I can't be the reason they can't sleep with Dad anymore. I was very proud of the way this was handled and we both felt this was for the best. Well we close on the house in one week. We ove 3 weeks after that and the boys are still all sleeping with Dad. Last night, which is a work night, they weren't in bed until after 11:00. What do I do? The move is taking place, do I just suck it up? Do we start out with him sleeping in the guest room with the boys? or in their rooms? Keep in mind that is how his marriage to their mom was... he slept on the couch and not with his wife. He was clear that he didn't want that kind of marriage again.
The other twist is custody will be decided 2 weeks after we move (what I mean is we will only have the boys for 2 weeks total before custody is decided) I think he feels if he gets full custody then it won't be an issue, he won't feel guilty about not seeing them and they will magically start sleeping on their own, or if he loses they will only be with us on the weekends and he can sleep with them.
I don't want to cause any more stress to him or the boys. Any suggestions are welcome.