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I am your Parent...

Posted by on Jun. 19, 2013 at 8:14 PM
  • 20 Replies

I always find it interesting when SM's get upset when they are told to disengage or let BD raise the SKs.  Number 1 reason they need to have control (if they have their own kids) is: Well I won't treat them different then my own. My Bio kids won't understand or it isn't fair.

Am I the only one who got the speech? The I am you parent not theirs. I can't make them 'insert whatever here (clean room)' but I can make you. OR I am not their mom but I am yours so NO you will NOT do that.

Growing up, there were general rules we followed at friends' home but at the end of the day, I had my own set of rules I had to abide by. Did it suck, yep at times, it sure did, but it was life.

If you want to teach your kids a good lesson, its life isn't fair. 

And remember your Sks BD is the parent, if you are having issues with things at your home, its his fault because he has been parenting in his home.

Mother is the name for God on the lips and hearts of all children. Do you understand? ~The Crow

by on Jun. 19, 2013 at 8:14 PM
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Replies (1-10):
SassyMom25
by Silver Member on Jun. 19, 2013 at 8:23 PM

I made sure I was with a man who has the same principles as me regarding raising our children (SS11 and DDs), so fairness isn't an issue in that way.

LyndaLoo78
by Skeletor on Jun. 19, 2013 at 8:28 PM

I got that speech often as a child and teen, although it related to friends instead of step-siblings; however that same logic can be applied to blended families as well.  I don't see whyit is such a controversy, hotly contested ideal, or illogical response to the fact that two people parent their respective off spring differently within the same home.  Hell, as a single parent I don't parent all three of the children in my daily care the same way.  

packermomof2
by on Jun. 19, 2013 at 8:31 PM
1 mom liked this

I give my kids that speech.

After my ex moved in his wife and her kids my kids came home wanting to do certain things, thinking it was okay because SM let them and her kids did them.  I would tell them I didn't care what those kids mom let them do, my kids don't get to, even at her house.

I don't care if it isn't fair... life isn't.  Best the kids get used to that early on.  Don't care if SM and dad think fairness is important and things need to be equal between his and her kids.  My kids have a different set of parents than my ex and his wife (any wife) so  my kids will always get that speech if they try to pull the "but so and so gets to" or "so and so says I can"...

Tillymommie
by Silver Member on Jun. 19, 2013 at 8:32 PM


Quoting SassyMom25:

I made sure I was with a man who has the same principles as me regarding raising our children (SS11 and DDs), so fairness isn't an issue in that way.

So when you moved in with him/married him, you didn't have to worry about how your sks behavior was. YAY!

DH and I are the same way and when we do have a disagreement (we have had some) I just tell him I don't agree. I am CSM and SS and DS are both 4. I have also told him if he doesn't like how I handle a stitch I will let him handle SS and I will handle DS. It rarely happens but the boys don't seem to notice when it does.

Mother is the name for God on the lips and hearts of all children. Do you understand? ~The Crow

Tillymommie
by Silver Member on Jun. 19, 2013 at 8:34 PM


Quoting packermomof2:

I give my kids that speech.

After my ex moved in his wife and her kids my kids came home wanting to do certain things, thinking it was okay because SM let them and her kids did them.  I would tell them I didn't care what those kids mom let them do, my kids don't get to, even at her house.

I don't care if it isn't fair... life isn't.  Best the kids get used to that early on.  Don't care if SM and dad think fairness is important and things need to be equal between his and her kids.  My kids have a different set of parents than my ex and his wife (any wife) so  my kids will always get that speech if they try to pull the "but so and so gets to" or "so and so says I can"...

If I said that, I would also get the famous 'well if so and so jumped off a bridge would you?' *SMH* oh I have truly become an adult. I HATED that phrase as a kid

Mother is the name for God on the lips and hearts of all children. Do you understand? ~The Crow

Tillymommie
by Silver Member on Jun. 19, 2013 at 8:36 PM


Quoting LyndaLoo78:

I got that speech often as a child and teen, although it related to friends instead of step-siblings; however that same logic can be applied to blended families as well.  I don't see whyit is such a controversy, hotly contested ideal, or illogical response to the fact that two people parent their respective off spring differently within the same home.  Hell, as a single parent I don't parent all three of the children in my daily care the same way.  

I don't either.  I am way different with DD then how I was with DS at that age.

Mother is the name for God on the lips and hearts of all children. Do you understand? ~The Crow

packermomof2
by on Jun. 19, 2013 at 8:39 PM

 


Quoting Tillymommie:


Quoting packermomof2:

I give my kids that speech.

After my ex moved in his wife and her kids my kids came home wanting to do certain things, thinking it was okay because SM let them and her kids did them.  I would tell them I didn't care what those kids mom let them do, my kids don't get to, even at her house.

I don't care if it isn't fair... life isn't.  Best the kids get used to that early on.  Don't care if SM and dad think fairness is important and things need to be equal between his and her kids.  My kids have a different set of parents than my ex and his wife (any wife) so  my kids will always get that speech if they try to pull the "but so and so gets to" or "so and so says I can"...

If I said that, I would also get the famous 'well if so and so jumped off a bridge would you?' *SMH* oh I have truly become an adult. I HATED that phrase as a kid

I've said that to my daughter.  Since she hit jr. high I have gotten "but L.'s mom lets her..."... so I"ve said that and "do I look like L's mom to you?"

 

"What country can preserve its liberties if their rulers are not warned from time to time that their people preserve the spirit of resistance. Let them take arms."
Thomas Jefferson
to James Madison

"They that give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety."
Ben Franklin
American Statesman
chanizen
by Platinum Member on Jun. 19, 2013 at 8:43 PM
I tell my daughter "it's not my job to ensure ss grows up to be a fine, successful adult. He has two parents. My job is to work with your dad to help you become a success. I love you. Suck it up, buttercup"
SP_Mama
by on Jun. 19, 2013 at 8:46 PM

DH and I are a united front and while SS is here, rules are the same and discipline is the same. 

GlockMom
by Gold Member on Jun. 19, 2013 at 8:51 PM
Oh, my kids got it. Both have given me the old "W*** does this" or "B****** did that" why can't I crap. The answer from me? I am YOUR mother and I am NOT theirs. Different mother equals different rules and expectations.

There are LOTS of things the steps did and do that are a NO for my two. There are also lots of things I do allow for my kids the steps didn't get.
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