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Will it ever get better???

Posted by on Jun. 20, 2013 at 3:01 AM
  • 18 Replies

Hello,

I have been a step mom for 4 yrs and I still feel like I want to scream  "get over it already" ?? I have two step daughters now 18 and 22 at times they seem to be adjusting and then with a blink of an eye something will set them off and what usually results is them ignoring their dad. For fathers day for example their dad waited around for them to be available so he could see them.  Finally saw them at 6pm after they had spent the day at their BM's parents house seeing grandpa. He bought them dinner and not so much as a card for dad.  Makes my blood boil..

by on Jun. 20, 2013 at 3:01 AM
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Replies (1-10):
Amy1973Potts
by on Jun. 20, 2013 at 5:14 AM
That's Dad problem. They are adults now and it has nothing to do with you, most likely. Don't get bunged about it. You have a marriage to enjoy.
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AnnaNonamus
by Member on Jun. 20, 2013 at 5:35 AM

Coming in as late as you did to their lives, there is a lot of back history you may not know, or understand. It's hard to change how people are when they are adults themselves. On top of that, they are at the age where life is all about them, not about the people in their lives. 

You need to give suggestions when you can, and try not to take it too much to heart when the girls don't do what you and your husband hope they will do. Your husband could try having a conversation with them as well, but it may not help anything.

be there when they need someone, because some day, they will likely outgrow this. 

whatIknownow
by Ruby Member on Jun. 20, 2013 at 6:15 AM
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I don't see anything all that unusual about what they did. They made time for their dad and went to dinner with him.

some people (like me) think cards are dumb.

I hope he enjoyed his dinner with his daughters, that's the important thing.

chanizen
by Platinum Member on Jun. 20, 2013 at 6:38 AM

Idk.  Sounds fairly normal.  And not something yu want to have your blood boiling about.  Let it go.  They are adults.  This is dad's problem.

Why are you getting offended for him?  It probably doesn't help him at all.

tiredmama42
by Silver Member on Jun. 20, 2013 at 9:35 AM

I swear its the age group.  We deal with the same things.  Ages 17 - 22.  A card would be sweet but given the age group probably being thankful they even made time for dad to buy them dinner.  Be thankful they dont live in your house..lol

KnowItAll
by Silver Member on Jun. 20, 2013 at 9:49 AM

You can't control everything.  Let it go. 

Happily Married | BM to DD13  DD13  DD12 | Mom to DS7 & DS4 | CP | Not a SM

Frustrated10
by Bronze Member on Jun. 20, 2013 at 9:58 AM
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You sound like I did about a year ago. I also have two grown sd's in their early 20's. Last year I don't recall seeing the girls on fathers day, they may have just "texted it in". Communication was infrequent and the relationships were not perfect. I said to myself, in the beginning, that someone needed to drink a big glass of "Get over it" and move forward. I laugh now when I recall saying that. Get over it? Get over the fact that life isn't the way it is supposed to be? Get over the fact that these kids grew up in a broken family? Then I thought, WHO am I to think that anyone needs to get over it!!?? So instead of fighting "It", I decided to try and become part of the solution.

We have had the girls over, with boyfriends, at least once a month for the past year. We either cook or go out together for dinner. This Fathers Day, one daughter invited all of us to her new house for dinner on Saturday. I brought the steaks, she supplied the rest. We coordinated it together, but it was her idea. On Fathers Day, the other daughter took us out to their favorite Mexican restaurant. We've made plans to get together again, all of us, 2 weeks from now.

My point is, see a problem? Try to solve it. Or let it go and don't let it get your blood boiling. I didn't really solve the communication between my DH and his two older girls. But I faciltated the environment for them to come together and reconnect. It started with a pot of homemade spaghetti sauce and meatballs. Something so simple.  My DH notices and appreciates all of my efforts. He is also seriously enjoying spending time with his grown girls. Everybody wins and no one is miserable....anymore.

 

Humility1
by Bronze Member on Jun. 20, 2013 at 11:15 AM
Oh try not to be offended because I was like that wih my father when I was that age. It's nothing personal, at least they spent time wih him. Grandpa is a father also and I'm sure they love thier grandpa also. I'd say just stay out of it and focus on your marriage, that stuff has alot to do with the age, I say this wih kindness!!
Bertieb
by Bronze Member on Jun. 20, 2013 at 11:47 AM

I was like this too. Really, at this age kids don't always think about these holidays being that big of a deal. I had to get on my son one year in his 20's because he didnt call me on Mother's Day or anything. My sister did the same thing to my mother for many years. Just bad manners but not unusual. Plus, they did show up, that's more than a lot of kids!

DDDaysh
by on Jun. 20, 2013 at 1:24 PM

 He got dinner with a teenager and young adult, and all it cost him was the price of the meal...  lol..  sounds like a good deal for alot of parents with kids this age. 

It's a naturally selfish time in their lives.  Couple that with a split family situation, relationship strains that probably existed long before you came around, and a myriad of other things and...  honestly...  what happened isn't objectively bad at all. 

But I am curious about what it is you want them to "get over"?  Because if there's something for them to actually "get over", then maybe seeing Dad for dinner on Father's Day was actually a huge concession on their parts. 

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