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Stepmom Central Stepmom Central

any STEP GRANDMA's out there?

Posted by on Jun. 20, 2013 at 9:40 AM
  • 6 Replies

Any step grandma's out there, how do you deal? I feel like I am more of the ATM and free babysitter than sgrandma. I did not raise either of the 2 sds, I married my husband and they were grown already. One sd has 4 kids and these are my first grandkids. However the oldest is 7 and I have sent gifts, bought diapers and anything needed along with babysitting since day one and I would do for all 4. The oldest is kept by the bm of the sd,, so we never get to see him. I get to babysit a 3 year old, 20 month old and 5 month old (they are all boys, think sd was trying for a girl for bm...). Sometimes I only get youngest 2 who are both in diapers and I get them for days and nights at a time. My dh is a truck driver and home every 5-6 days. They will arrange for me to babysit while he is at work and want the little ones back before he gets home. Then when he wants to see the boys, they have other plans. I am just fed up with whole mess.

Both sd's did not call on fathers day, never really have. This fathers day really bothered me as sd is borrowing our minivan for the week. my dh blames bm for all bad behavior of sd's. but since they are GROWN I am tired of hearing this. However I do know bm is controlling and is usually with sd when she comes to pick up sgrandkids. Supposedly bm is in bad health and can not deal with the babies. I feel like once they are potty trained I don't get to see them and dh rarely gets to see them.

Also my dd works in public setting, sd went into her place of employement and did not acknowledge her at all and was totally rude to her last week. The place was not busy so that is not a valid excuse for her rudeness. As dd helps with grandbabies, and sd knows this, we both feel that was uncalled for. Then sd texted my dd wanting gas money (we were out of town).  I want to address rude behavior with sd but dh said he will deal with it and i don't think he will...

sorry for venting so much...but 8 years of this is crazy...

so, how do you all deal????

by on Jun. 20, 2013 at 9:40 AM
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Replies (1-6):
LoveMy2x4
by on Jun. 20, 2013 at 9:45 AM

Stop helping and ignore their calls. Or just tell them you are busy and/or dont have the money. 

honeygram4
by on Jun. 20, 2013 at 9:49 AM

I am attached to step grand babies though, I say no and get to missing them...

DDDaysh
by on Jun. 20, 2013 at 11:38 AM

 If you are watching the kids because you enjoy watching the kids, then don't expect anything in return.  You're doing it for your own enjoyment. 

Quoting honeygram4:

I am attached to step grand babies though, I say no and get to missing them...

 If you do not like watching the kids, you are within your rights to say no. 

As for the rest, they're your DH's girls.  If he wants the relationship with them to change, he'll have to be the one talking to them about it, not you.  They don't really seem to see you as family, which is understandable since you weren't around when they were young. 

They are using you for childcare, but you are perfectly capable of stopping that by just saying no, so if you refuse to do that then that's on you.  It's silly to whine about something you have the power to stop. 

As for the ignoring your daughter thing...  that's just stupid drama you both need to get over.  Not saying "hi" to someone in a public setting isn't the end of the universe.  Maybe they just didn't have anything to say. 

amylulu1
by Member on Jun. 20, 2013 at 11:45 AM
1 mom liked this

In my opinion, only you can change your situation.  You can't change their behaviors, they are adults.  Start saying no.  Don't be a martyr.  You complain about how they treat you and family but then you still say yes and reward their behavior.  You don't have to say no every time they ask, that's not what we're saying.  Say yes when you feel it is important or you WANT to have the kids and say no when they are wanting you to watch them while they go hang out.  Start taking control of the situation.  

faerie75
by Platinum Member on Jun. 20, 2013 at 2:07 PM
Well I would just say no to being their babysitter for days. That's the bonus of being gramma. Spoil them then sed them home. You raised your kids.

SO has a grand son and three grand daughters from his older kids but he aint the type to get walked on
Nevyme
by on Jun. 21, 2013 at 1:51 AM
1 mom liked this

I haven't quite figured out how this all works yet, but I can see it coming I will feel your pain.  No grandkids yet or marriages but all the kids are young adults. OHHHH and I can't wait to feel stepped on, and run over like you are getting.  I think the thing that bothers me the most is how awful they are to their dad.  Lots of negative influence from the BM..

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