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Summer visitation, special circumstances

Posted by on Jun. 22, 2013 at 4:07 AM
  • 5 Replies

For the last year BM has not been following the CO. She's been taking one visit a month, sometimes it's a day visit for a few hours, sometimes it's one overnight, and sometimes it's the full weekend. BM has gone 4-5 weeks between contact with SD and 4-7 weeks between visits for the last year.

SD's counselor has told DH and I NOT to push SD having the control to contact BM whenever she wants, that SD is well aware of the fact that all she has to do is say, "I want to call my mom" and she can without any issues; but SD doesn't mention contacting BM. Previously if DH or I mention it SD gets upset and says, "My mom probably wont even answer the phone and if she does she'll just yell at me." So, we don't push it.

In May DH sent an email to BM regarding what her plans for summer visitation are and explaining all of SD's therapy and counseling sessions as well as SD's medical appointments and trying to figure out how BM wanted to work it. DH suggested that they adjust the visitation schedule so that SD is with BM from Thursday at noon (after her last appointment of the week) until Tuesday at 3pm (right before her first appointment of the week). BM now lives 20 miles away (she was living in town), so three days a week BM would be driving SD 20miles (approximately 30 minutes without traffic, closer to a minimum of 45 minutes giving the times of day BM would be driving back to our city due  to traffic) each way for therapy and counseling sessions. DH mentioned that he would prefer for he and I to be the ones taking SD too and from her therapy sessions as SD's disorder requires a lot of providers and that we need to ensure that each provider has up to date information regarding SD's care and progress; especially since BM has had NO contact at all with a majority of SD's providers (the only one that BM has contacted is SD's orthopedic surgeon and even then BM was only trying to schedule a surgery for THIS summer. A surgery that may not even have to happen at all as SD goes back to see the doctor in December and will be re-evaluated for the need for surgery then). 

BM initially agreed to the Thursday-Tuesday schedule; however, upon receiving DH's email (which explained everything in the previous paragraph quite nicely), BM flipped. She threatened contempt of court, but not even for the summer visitation scheduling issues, but for the non-emergent healthcare decision making rights. DH and BM have joint legal custody. DH and I have updated BM every single step of the way with where, when, and who SD has been seeing as well as any information gained from those appointments. BM has not once prior to today had ANY issue with how DH and I are handling SD's care. But, the second she gets all butt-hurt, all of a sudden she's finding issues with things that have happened over the course of the last year. We have proof (numerous emails sent to BM that have gone ignored, and several e-mails from BM agreeing to the care SD is receiving).

BM is now saying that we are following the parenting plan word for word (which is fine, so long as she takes SD to her appointments, because if she doesn't DH is filing contempt of court for BM not ensuring that SD's medical needs are met). However, BM said that she's considering the offer that was made for me to be her child care provider for SD. If she does that, then SD would still be spending a majority of time here as BM claims to be working 7 days a week.

It's just ridiculous. DH is SERIOUSLY trying to do right by SD. He's not trying to cut BM out of anything, she's been invited to any and all appointments SD has ever had, and she's been updated with everything every step of the way. I really don't understand what her issue is.

SD's therapist had just recommended to DH that he consider amending the CO to give BM one weekend a month and stick to it without fail, so that BM would either have to take that specified visit or wait until the next CO'ed visit. That way SD isn't ending up with last minute visits with BM (which tend to be upsetting for SD). She even offered to write a letter to the courts proving that it would be in SD's best interest.

I just wonder, is there ever going to be a time when there's not drama of some sort? Cause, it's getting old. 

by on Jun. 22, 2013 at 4:07 AM
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Replies (1-5):
busymoonmommy
by Member on Jun. 22, 2013 at 10:26 AM
1 mom liked this

I was talking to a neighbor of mine yesterday, she's been a SM for 17 years. The drama didn't even end with BM' s death, as BM said on her death bed that she didn't want SM at her memorial service. 

I hope the drama doesn't last that long in your situation or mine. I'm over the drama too.

I love the therapists idea of one weekend a month, take it or leave it. Your Sd needs as much stability as she can get. Sounds like y'all are doing an amazing job with everything that is thrown your way. 

Tinkerbellmama
by Platinum Member on Jun. 22, 2013 at 3:30 PM

There are moments of calm. Basically, BM wants to be able to do whatever she wants and pop in and out of SD's life. She also wants ultimate control in EVERYTHING. She wants to be the one to decide everything for SD, but she refuses to come to appointments or communicate with providers, so how can her opinion be considered when it's based on NOTHING? DH does his best, but 90% of the time she has no opinion and just ignores DH's emails. The other 10% she's dead set against whatever it is that's being discussed.

When SD was living with BM she had a pediatrician, a dentist, and an eye specialist she saw 1-2 times a year.

SD now has a phyiscal therapist she sees weekly, an occupational therapy she sees twice a month, a pediatrician she sees as needed, a dentist she sees twice a year, an eye specialist she sees every 3 months, an orthopedic surgeon that she sees 2-4 times a year (along with a team of physical therapists that she sees during those appointments), a urologist, a regular eye doctor, a full IEP with supportive services at school, and a counselor that she sees weekly. Of all of those providers BM has only ever spoken to the orthopedic surgeon.


Quoting busymoonmommy:

I was talking to a neighbor of mine yesterday, she's been a SM for 17 years. The drama didn't even end with BM' s death, as BM said on her death bed that she didn't want SM at her memorial service. 

I hope the drama doesn't last that long in your situation or mine. I'm over the drama too.

I love the therapists idea of one weekend a month, take it or leave it. Your Sd needs as much stability as she can get. Sounds like y'all are doing an amazing job with everything that is thrown your way. 



SassyMom25
by Silver Member on Jun. 22, 2013 at 3:47 PM
1 mom liked this

I would definitely see about the modification...for SDs sake.

chasinrainbows
by Gold Member on Jun. 22, 2013 at 4:17 PM
You just can't make some people happy and oh, it will NEVER END.
Tinkerbellmama
by Platinum Member on Jun. 22, 2013 at 8:51 PM

DH is. We can't afford an attorney, but DH has called a legal advice line and if they decide we qualify (income wise and the type of case and modification he's looking for), then they will help him fill out and file all of the necessary documents.


Quoting SassyMom25:

I would definitely see about the modification...for SDs sake.



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