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Stepmom Central Stepmom Central

Having a hard time

Posted by on Jun. 22, 2013 at 12:16 PM
  • 18 Replies

I feel awful for saying this, but I really hate being a stepmom. I've been doing this for four years now, and my step kids are only five years old. So even though I've always been around, it's still so hard and such a thankless job. The worst part is how unsupportive my husband is. He doesn't get it and he expects sunshine and rainbows. My son is out of state visiting family, and so it's been easier for me to go out and find something to do when the step kids are here rather than deal with the frustration they cause when they're here. I know they're just children but they're obviously being coached by their mother and grandparents to ignore what I say and only listen to their dad. 


Sorry for such a long and negative post. I'm just at the end of my rope and I'm sure others have felt this same way. 

by on Jun. 22, 2013 at 12:16 PM
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Replies (1-10):
packermomof2
by on Jun. 22, 2013 at 12:33 PM

They're five.  They're probably going to dad because he's dad.  Not because someone told them to go their father for things.

My kids are 10 and 12 and still come to me for pretty much everything and not my husband who has been in their lives since the oldest was 3.  

Polkadotted
by Gold Member on Jun. 22, 2013 at 12:38 PM
1 mom liked this
My listen to dad because they hope he'll be more lenient. Chances are I will give an answer that I s not as fun. It's gotten better over the years, but I've taken it up with DH so we are on the same page and he doesn't undermine me and vice versa.
sandeeyo
by Le Bonjour Chat on Jun. 22, 2013 at 12:41 PM

I've known my twin skids for 4 years now.  At 8 , they used to go to dad for everything.  Now they come to me if they want something.

Why would you think they're being coached by mom and grandparents?  Do the kids tell you that or are you just guessing?

Rachael-Dawn
by Bronze Member on Jun. 22, 2013 at 12:46 PM
1 mom liked this
We have had that issue and mom does coach, bash, and fill ss's head full of junk. However, all of my kids are the same in the aspect that they go to daddy because daddy is more apt to just blow it off instead of handling it because he doesn't want to be the bad guy. It has gotten better the last year or so with all 4 of them since he has begun to deal with the sitch. He has put his foot down and refuses to allow it anymore.
momof2ex1
by Ruby Member on Jun. 22, 2013 at 1:13 PM
Even my own kids go to my husband (stepdad/dad) because he is more laid back than me. As a mom it can be frustrating. They do the, mom said no so i will ask dad thing. Sometimes he doesn't realize I've already said no. That frustrates me. Maybe it is because he is more lenient or maybe because they are just more comfortable with dad. Because he is their dad.
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Humility1
by on Jun. 22, 2013 at 2:04 PM
My stepson always go to my husband I've gotten use to it. I've been a stepmom for one and a half years, yes I hear you it very hard. Alot had to do with the support your husband gives you. Last year, my husband was not supportive at all he had an unrealistic view of what a blended family should be. I also feel like this is thankless, until I started disengaging. When I started to disengage he started to be more supportive! I've been disengaging for 3 months now, and it's been the bet months that I ever had!!! I mean I would go out every weekend with friends, and leave him and stepson home. I have never done this before, and he has now realized how much he hurts me. Our marriage has improve tremendously since I disengaged. I started to take better care of myself, I exercise, get pedicures, go out wining with great friends. I have stepson almost full time except for 2 weekends in one month. Before my husband used to get very offended when I would leave him and I told him its really his job to babysit stepson not mine. Ie learned thought this steparenting role that if we do not put ourselves first, we will be drained out. My priorities are God, myself, and my marriage:)
OvrMyHead
by Silver Member on Jun. 22, 2013 at 2:26 PM
1 mom liked this
I see this as you being more unhappy with your DH than with your skids. I could be wrong but that's how I'm reading this.
sarawags
by on Jun. 22, 2013 at 2:54 PM

It could be as well that they are picking up this behavior from Dad due to how you stated your DH has been unsupportive of your parenting. 

That is rough - it's a difficult issue to get past without professional outside help. 

whatIknownow
by Emerald Member on Jun. 22, 2013 at 4:51 PM
1 mom liked this

If they don't listen to you, dont' watch them.

How often are they at your house?

AmericanDream
by Gold Member on Jun. 22, 2013 at 5:04 PM
1 mom liked this

I agree with this.

If they don't respect you or listen to you then don't be alone with them and let the go to dad.


Quoting whatIknownow:

If they don't listen to you, dont' watch them.

How often are they at your house?


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