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What is the right thing to do here? *Update in red

Posted by on Jun. 23, 2013 at 5:16 PM
  • 37 Replies

SD has some special needs (which is pretty obvious if you've ever read any of my posts). These special needs require supplies that are used daily. SD wears contacts (requiring contact solution), SD is supposed to patch her eye every day for a minimum of 2 hours to help strengthen her other eye, SD wears pads all the time (she has an incontinence problem and is seeing a urologist Thursday for it).

Should we be sending eye patches for SD to use each day she's with BM? Should we be sending enough pads for the week for SD to use while she's with BM? If SD is nearly out of contact solution should we send the full bottle in the bathroom cabinet, or the partial one that will need to be replaced this week?

The "I have to make sure everything is perfect for SD" part of me is saying, send it all, regardless of the cost to us and the continous enabling of BM's laziness.

On the other hand, it's BM's responsibility as a parent to make sure that she can provide SD with the things SD needs. 

We sent everything along with SD that she would need. Now we just get to be hopeful that it all actually gets done.

by on Jun. 23, 2013 at 5:16 PM
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Replies (1-10):
1boy1girlmama
by Member on Jun. 23, 2013 at 5:18 PM

I would just give her a list, and say she needs these things to keep at your house. 

baparrot2
by Platinum Member on Jun. 23, 2013 at 5:20 PM

I think I might have DH contact her and ask her these questions. How long is she going for? Does she pay CS? IS it a decent amount? Can and will she actually get the things needed is provided a list for? Will this be an expense that she is not aware of as of yet and how soon will she need to adjust for the expense?

Tinkerbellmama
by Platinum Member on Jun. 23, 2013 at 5:28 PM

She's ordered to pay $148 a month, but has never paid a dime. These aren't very expensive. The contact solution is less than $10, the pads are less than $10, and the eye patches are about $15.  The contact solution and eye patches would last SD the entire summer at BM's house, the pads BM may have to buy again before the end of summer depending on how quickly SD goes through them. So, $45 for the entire summer.

SD is going for a week, she'll be home next Sunday. If BM continues to take her visits, then SD will be there EOW. BM is well aware of SD needing these things, it's been discussed with her before. The last visit we didn't send extra pads or patches and BM did not buy them for SD. The time before that we sent them with SD and BM didn't ensure that SD was using them.

SD will be 13 next week, but is developmentally closer to about 10 (even lower in some areas).

Things aren't good with BM and DH... She's mad and has since decided to ignore ALL of his emails and texts asking questions.  


Quoting baparrot2:

I think I might have DH contact her and ask her these questions. How long is she going for? Does she pay CS? IS it a decent amount? Can and will she actually get the things needed is provided a list for? Will this be an expense that she is not aware of as of yet and how soon will she need to adjust for the expense?



Rachael-Dawn
by Bronze Member on Jun. 23, 2013 at 5:30 PM
I have to agree with this. To a 'T' actually. That's extremely unusual.

Quoting baparrot2:

I think I might have DH contact her and ask her these questions. How long is she going for? Does she pay CS? IS it a decent amount? Can and will she actually get the things needed is provided a list for? Will this be an expense that she is not aware of as of yet and how soon will she need to adjust for the expense?

Tinkerbellmama
by Platinum Member on Jun. 23, 2013 at 5:30 PM

That's what DH wants to do.

The last visit (a month ago) we didn't send pads or eye patches and BM didn't get any. The time before that (in April) we sent everything, and BM didn't ensure that SD used them. 


Quoting 1boy1girlmama:

I would just give her a list, and say she needs these things to keep at your house. 



sarawags
by on Jun. 23, 2013 at 5:32 PM

I'd pack the things - for SD's benefit - not bm's - 

Tinkerbellmama
by Platinum Member on Jun. 23, 2013 at 5:36 PM

BM knows SD needs these things, so it wouldn't be a surprise to BM to need to get them.

I don't think it would be a big financial issue for her to get these, she works full time and has minimal expenses (she lives with 2 other friends and they share expenses) and doesn't pay CS (she's ordered to pay $148, but hasn't even). 


Quoting Rachael-Dawn:

I have to agree with this. To a 'T' actually. That's extremely unusual.

Quoting baparrot2:

I think I might have DH contact her and ask her these questions. How long is she going for? Does she pay CS? IS it a decent amount? Can and will she actually get the things needed is provided a list for? Will this be an expense that she is not aware of as of yet and how soon will she need to adjust for the expense?



Tinkerbellmama
by Platinum Member on Jun. 23, 2013 at 5:38 PM
1 mom liked this

That's what my heart says to do. BM doesn't even enter my equation.

However, DH is sick and tired of BM's games. She'll complain to DH and I about CS, and then on her facebook she posts about driving 4 hours away to hang out and go party with friends. So, it's not as if she can't affrod these things, it's that she doesn't WANT to. 


Quoting sarawags:

I'd pack the things - for SD's benefit - not bm's - 



baparrot2
by Platinum Member on Jun. 23, 2013 at 5:39 PM
2 moms liked this

After reading your reply, I would just send it all. I would really remind SD that she will have to be ultra responsible for getting it done and I would even give her tools to ensure success. i.e. after lunch is when you do this. Right before you go to bed, you do this. Here are some supplies along with your pads so you are less likely to have an accident. Here are some plastic bags for you to put your pads in if you dont feel comfy putting them in the trash that mom has at ther home. I would halp empower her so that she felt confident handling these things on her own.

But just for a week......I would just send the stuff and save my sanity. It saves your sanity in two ways. 1. you know she will have what she needs. 2. it saves you from having to worry about this for 7 days straight and you probably have the supplies anyway.

Is it right? No. But is it right that you dont just to prove a monetary point? No too.

Quoting Tinkerbellmama:

She's ordered to pay $148 a month, but has never paid a dime. These aren't very expensive. The contact solution is less than $10, the pads are less than $10, and the eye patches are about $15.  The contact solution and eye patches would last SD the entire summer at BM's house, the pads BM may have to buy again before the end of summer depending on how quickly SD goes through them. So, $45 for the entire summer.

SD is going for a week, she'll be home next Sunday. If BM continues to take her visits, then SD will be there EOW. BM is well aware of SD needing these things, it's been discussed with her before. The last visit we didn't send extra pads or patches and BM did not buy them for SD. The time before that we sent them with SD and BM didn't ensure that SD was using them.

SD will be 13 next week, but is developmentally closer to about 10 (even lower in some areas).

Things aren't good with BM and DH... She's mad and has since decided to ignore ALL of his emails and texts asking questions.  


Quoting baparrot2:

I think I might have DH contact her and ask her these questions. How long is she going for? Does she pay CS? IS it a decent amount? Can and will she actually get the things needed is provided a list for? Will this be an expense that she is not aware of as of yet and how soon will she need to adjust for the expense?




AmandaT89
by on Jun. 23, 2013 at 5:39 PM
I would send them with sd and find a way for sd to remember to patch and take care of her contacts does BM understand her daughters medical conditions and how not patching could potentially affect her eye sight my 18 month old twins both wear glasses so I understand kids eye problems and the importance of taking.care of their eyes
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