Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Stepson asked me to go with him to college orientation day, but not his parents

Posted by on Jun. 24, 2013 at 12:37 PM
  • 93 Replies

I'm debating if I should go or not. On one hand, he's college age, got a full ride scholarship, and can make his own decisions. On the other hand, he still has a younger brother at home that this could make problems for.

He told BM he wanted to go by himself and then turned around and asked me to go with him a week later. She doesn't know he asked me, but I'm certain she would be upset if she found out. 

Advice? 

by on Jun. 24, 2013 at 12:37 PM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
newstepmom61811
by on Jun. 24, 2013 at 1:43 PM
3 moms liked this

At this point he's an adult, technically, going to college, I would go except in one circumstance...if BM is paying and you're not...but he's going on scholarship...his achievement...I would go.

I love my parents, I love my mom, one of my best friends...but she can be opinionated, there are a few specific things I have done without her because I just don't want the drama of "mom knows best" and her strong opinions...I want my opinion to be front and center and not drowned out by her "mom knows best" that the "I'm always mom" seems to bring with it...maybe this is just one of those things he wants to navigate with someone close but without that...

My first day of college was exactly that...I did not let my mother take me to college...I packed myself up and drove myself...checked in and moved myself in...I was independent and just COULD NOT HANDLE "mother knows best" that day, this bird was way out of the nest and mom was really struggling with it. I was WAY ready to try life on my own...I know I broke her heart a little that day...we've since talked about it many times...she's forgiven me...it's what I had to do...she's a very attached mom burdened with a very independent daughter...it's been a lifelong battle.

Panda113
by Bronze Member on Jun. 24, 2013 at 2:17 PM
He's an adult. I'd go.
laughnchica
by Silver Member on Jun. 24, 2013 at 2:36 PM
I would go. He is an adult now. His parents aren't paying for him to go to school. He made the decision to ask you...respect that. His mom might be a little upset but he can handle it. I am sure he will include her in many other special things. He must have a reason why he wanted it this way and I would just go with it.
Birdseed
by Gold Member on Jun. 24, 2013 at 3:51 PM
3 moms liked this

She is going to find out.

And it's going to get pinned on you.

Not knowing your whole situation, what do you think that will mean for your relationship with your other SS, BM, and your DH?

If the kiddo is old enough to go alone but wants to invite someone then he has a good opportunity to practice being a grownup and just tell his mom and dad that he has asked you to go with him.  He needs to deal with that--not you. 

If he is concerned about fall out to the point that he can't/won't tell mom, then I don't think you should go.

I don't have any issues with you going, mind you.  It's just that secrets and/or lying tend to make things worse.

CometGirl
by Member on Jun. 24, 2013 at 3:55 PM

He asked you to go so that means he wants you there.  I'd go.

Momniscient
by Member on Jun. 24, 2013 at 3:56 PM
1 mom liked this

If he's an adult making adult decisions I would ask him why he isn't asking his mother to go.

jujubear1
by Member on Jun. 24, 2013 at 3:58 PM
I'd go.
Raspberry393
by on Jun. 24, 2013 at 4:03 PM

Right or wrong, I'd go AND I'd play dumb about the rest of it- not your job to mange his relationship with his mother.  If she asks I'd say something to the effect I thought you and he worked it out amongst yourselves and I'd leave it at that.

People here are always telling me it's not my place to worry about the reaction of BM.  I'm not one to agree with that entirely but I hear it often enough here.

pdxmum
by Platinum Member on Jun. 24, 2013 at 4:05 PM
1 mom liked this

So if it was as simple as "he is an adult he asked you just go", why are you posting about it?  Obviously you understand this is not as simple as that so all these posters saying just go, you should probably ignore.

I understand he got a full ride scholarship, but where will he live when he is not at college?  Who is paying his personal expenses?  Who pays for medical?  Who is buying his clothes to wear to college?  Does he have a car?  Who bought that and who pays insurance? The only way I would say go for it is if he figured out how to be completely independent in every way from his parents.  There is a term for it, I just can't remember.

But really, why does he want you and not his mom or his dad?  Is he angry at them about something?

If you go and nobody tells mom or dad, you are creating major drama.

pdxmum
by Platinum Member on Jun. 24, 2013 at 4:08 PM

So you would support what others have suggested, that he just take SM and not tell mom or dad?  Remember, she is also not telling her husband...

I get that you wanted independance.  Going alone is way different than inviting one parental figure over another.  Like I ask in my reply, a scholarship is great, but where does he come home to on breaks and in the summer and who pays for that?


Quoting newstepmom61811:

At this point he's an adult, technically, going to college, I would go except in one circumstance...if BM is paying and you're not...but he's going on scholarship...his achievement...I would go.

I love my parents, I love my mom, one of my best friends...but she can be opinionated, there are a few specific things I have done without her because I just don't want the drama of "mom knows best" and her strong opinions...I want my opinion to be front and center and not drowned out by her "mom knows best" that the "I'm always mom" seems to bring with it...maybe this is just one of those things he wants to navigate with someone close but without that...

My first day of college was exactly that...I did not let my mother take me to college...I packed myself up and drove myself...checked in and moved myself in...I was independent and just COULD NOT HANDLE "mother knows best" that day, this bird was way out of the nest and mom was really struggling with it. I was WAY ready to try life on my own...I know I broke her heart a little that day...we've since talked about it many times...she's forgiven me...it's what I had to do...she's a very attached mom burdened with a very independent daughter...it's been a lifelong battle.



Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)



Featured